How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question

Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 924
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
55153673
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Norman Brown is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I feel that I think to much in my relationship with my husband,

Customer Question

I feel that I think to much in my relationship with my husband, he will be talking with maybe his trucking partner or someone else making arrangements for all of us and I get in my head that he can do better without me or maybe he actually doesn't want me there but I know its not true. but than he does things that don't help, like stop wearing his wedding ring, I see most of the truckdrivers wear them, when he gets in the truck he takes it off saying it gets hung up on the boxes and now for the past 2 weeks he took his ring off at home and never put it on, he said he took it off when we went on the boat not to lose it but he never bothered putting it back on even after I asked him about it, now when he goes out on the road to work with his partner, he really doesn't want to bother calling me anymore, and if he does he is usually than talking to his partner where I usually tell him I will let him go since he is busy, he doesn't seem to want to be bothered with me anymore but than he tells me its all in my head and that I thinking stupid again, and also when he is home for the to days we spend every minute together without fighting or bickering we are just like a loving couple and now the lastest thing he doesn't want to call me anymore he would prefer to text me when he has time instead of calling he says that way his partner wont hear what he says and we wont argue on the phone in front of him. I sometimes feel like he doesn't appreciate me that he is just using me for a maid service that he doesn't think of me as sexy, he is constantly looking at porn (videos on computer, dvd and magazines) he has recently got more interested in sex, he bought pills, the first day they work good keep a good stiff hard on for 3 days and the next week when he took it they didn't even work, what should I be thinking, I feel so depressed and miserable like he doesn't love me any more that he is just using me, but I do love him from the bottem of my heart. there was one time when he came home said I didn't turn him on anymore, I suggested maybe finding another women and having sex with my knowledge, I mentioned to him that I would ask a friend of ours he got very excited and said to make sure he wasn't in the house when I asked but I know he was hoping, to this day I will bring up that reaction and to this day he will always say that it was all me and not him which was not true, he likes to have people talk to him about there problems but he wont have me talk to him about my problems he says that they continue on, I asked to to read some of my counseling notes of what I told counslers and what they told me and when he started reading he might see a part about him get mad and stop reading now when I ask him he changes the subject or ignores me, what should I think about all this
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Norman Brown :

Welcome to my couples workshop, where people 18-80 of diverse cultures & orientations have come to explore their questions and find a path of heart. Well, you've said quite a bit.

Dr. Norman Brown :

The fact that you're a loving couple for 2 days when he's home off the road is a really good sign.

Customer:

we have been married for 17 years

Dr. Norman Brown :

I was just going to ask that. I've been marriede 27 years and I know that pasion comes and goes in marriage.

Customer:

what can I do about it, it really bothers me, but not to the point of leaving the marriage

Dr. Norman Brown :

I think the txting is a good idea (tho it's illegal in some states because of distraction from driving) because it's really wierd to be talking to your wife with your buddy right there--or to your buddy with your wife right there. Husband/wife conversations are best kept completely private, because the feeling within a marriage needs to be contained so it keeps its power of "we-ness."

Dr. Norman Brown :

If the "it" that bothers you is his viewing of porn, that is a serious problem in many marriages.

Customer:

oh it would never be when he was driving, but I miss him so much that I like to hear his voice, I have asked him to at least send me a quick text or message before he goes to bed, that is the first thing I look at when I get up to see if he had called, and nothing,

Dr. Norman Brown :

Now the part about suggesting he could have sex with another woman was a really BAD idea. Some men will cheat without permission from their wives, and onlhy need permission from their buddies. For a wife to invite her husband to have sex with someone else is opening a door that I think you should close again.

Customer:

the porn doesn't really bother me, I was just describing everything, I miss him and like to hear from him, so now I cant even hear his voice, I can only read his messages when he decides to text me

Dr. Norman Brown :

Porn viewing can be very corrosive IF it takes away from his desire for you. But if it doesn't do that, you don't need to worry about what fantasies he may entertain at times during your love-making, anymore than he needs to worry about what fantasies you might entertain at times when you're making love to increase your own excitement--and the final approach&take-off to orgasm is an inward-focused experience for both man and woman. That's why it's so unusual for couples to be able to make orgasms happen simultaneously.

Customer:

he tells me that all he wants is a loving wife well that is all I want is a loving husband doing little things to let me know that he is thinking of me, and I mean little things things that would not take up to much of his time and he cant even do that, if we do tal it may be for 10 15 mins because I end the conversation because he would be driving, I understand what you say about texting is good because its between us but how do I overcome missing him, I keep myself busy but I still think of him and miss him and when I hear from him it fills a void for me

Dr. Norman Brown :

I assume you are raising children, and that would make it harder for you to find things to do when he's gone that are so NOVEL and fascinating for you that you forget to think about him--except perhaps when you're lying down to sleep, or slowing down to eat your dinner, or when you have a thought or feeling that you really wish you could share with him right then.

Customer:

no children

Dr. Norman Brown :

It is unfortunate that so much of your time must be spent apart, and it's wonderful that he WANTS to spend the two days with you all the time. The natural solution to your problem of missing him is that you need to find work, artistic project(s) and/or personal development that you can pretty much ONLY do when he's not around, that is you need to have a life that you Look Forward to when he's going to be away on the road. My wife makes jewelry that she sells on the Internet. I love to write--thoughts, stories, poetry, music.

Dr. Norman Brown :

Have you read the recent book Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, MD? In this neurosurgeon's experience of heaven while he's in a coma for 7 days he is guided somewhat by a young woman he's never met, who is somehow his connection to the God that is everywhere around him, but not anywhere near his size or even visible. This is exactly what Carl Jung found to be two of the main "archetypal symbols" of the human personality: A man has a female image inside of himself that guides him toward the divine presence within and all around him, and this person also "mates" with him to produce his creative offspring. So this female side is NOT his earthly wife, but a spiritual being, and she generates his creativity and the psychospiritual personality development that arises and leads toward the divine nature in us all.

Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 924
Experience: Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
Dr. Norman Brown and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions