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RLiebowitz
RLiebowitz, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 48
Experience:  work with couples and families in private practice
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Girlfriend and I had a fight this morning. She asked what

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Girlfriend and I had a fight this morning. She asked what I was doing (according to her several times) but I only got one text. I said "I Love You" several times last night, to which I got NO reply to, or the subject got changed. I said "Really want to see you" 4 times this morning, and no response. So when she got pissed that I didn't answer her "What are you doing" text she said said "obviously none of my business. I then reminded her I had said "I really need to see you" several times and didn't get a response, so what's the difference? She blew a gasket over this. She said she hears I love you and I miss you multiple times a day. Is that really a problem if you love a person? She said she wanted things to be out of love, not just robotically saying them. That pissed me off, so I reminded her that I left work on a moments notice earlier in the week when she thought she was going to have to put her autistic son's dog down. I said if I didn't love you why would I leave work on a moments notice, burn $100.00 in fuel, and drive 2 hours one way to be with you...especially when you said no at first even though I knew you needed to be with someone and I wanted that someone to be me. So she got pissed about this and said she would put $100.00 in the mail to me for the gas. WTF? Now she doesn't want to see each other tomorrow, and really I'm at the point that I could care less! Any advice?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  RLiebowitz replied 1 year ago.

RLiebowitz :

Hi - I'm a licensed professional counselor and I'd be happy to help.

RLiebowitz :

"I'm at the point that I could care less" - that's not true. You clearly care very much. And I think that's the same way that your girlfriend communicates - in extremes and by making false statements and things out of anger that she wouldn't normally say. It sounds like something else is going on with your girlfriend that's causing her stress and she's taking it out on you. That happens to a lot of couples. I would send her a text or PM her on facebook (however you communicate) and say something like "I'm not sure how this fight started, but I don't want to fight. Please let me know when you'd like to get together to talk - I miss you." Or something like that in your own words. And then WAIT. Let her get in touch with you.

RLiebowitz :

Long term, you need to stop feeding into the drama. You might not see how you're doing that, but when you go down the list of all the things you've done for her, you're feeding into the drama. As soon as you hear that tone in her voice, say "girlfriend, I love you, I don't want to fight - let's talk when you've cooled down." Allowing the fighting to carry on doesn't help the situation. And she might get upset at first when you cut her off like that. But you'll teach her that she can't take her frustrations out on you and it will improve your relationship.

RLiebowitz :

I hope this was helpful. Do you have any questions clarifying anything that I've brought up? Do you feel as if your question was answered?

Customer:

Actually, No, you couldn't be further from the truth. I really couldn't care less and yes there is more to the picture than meets the eyes, a lot more, 3 years worth that I won't go into. I'm really sick of saying "I love you" to get no response at all from her. I don't say it for a response, I say it because I feel it. But if someone says good morning to you, unless you are a rude un-educated b*tch the appropriate response is to say good morning back! Now her responses this evening to everything has been "K", too damn lazy to type "OK" or have a conversation, just "K". She doesn't want to see me tomorrow as long as I am "Acting like this"? Acting like what? Reminding her, since she brought up she wanted things out of love, that I left my job on a moments notice, drove 2 hours one way and burned $100.00 in fuel to come be with her? If that wasn't out of love what is? If that is "Acting this way" well, I have no intentions of making any effort whatsoever to see her. If she wants to see each other she can make the effort. I told her that if we didn't see each other tomorrow if potentially could be a very long time that we see each other again because starting the 12th (if you have been keeping up with our Federal Government) Federal Workers will be furloughed one day per week, 2 days per pay period. For me that is a loss of about $1,000.00 per month. I thought she might think, maybe I should swallow my pride and let's just see each other. No! She said well I should have thought about that before I started this fight? I started this fight? Really? So my plan is I don't really care whether I can afford to go see her or not, I am not going to make the next move. She will. She will show some sort of interest in me. Text me, call me, ask that we see each other, or she can come see me. If that never happens Who Cares! I am deadly serious about this. I am tired of it.

RLiebowitz :

If you don't care then why are you asking for guidance? If you "don't care anymore," then what exactly is your question?

Customer:

Still love her? Yes, more than she will ever know. Care to put up with this sh*t any longer? NO! I didn't start this, unless by explaining to her after she said she wanted things given out of love, I explained if dropping everything and leaving work on a moment's notice, hauling ass over 120 miles (2 hours one way) and burning at least $100.00 in gas isn't love I don't know what is. That is what started this crap...that I was whining about my precious gas and no I wasn't. I was trying to get her to see I was putting her and her needs first. She says I say "I love you" too much during the course of the day, or "I miss you" Is it really possible to say I love you to much to a person whom you really love? I don't think so! Of course if I were saying it every minutes, then yes, it might loose some of it's value. But several times a day? Who gives a sh*t if you love that person then say it. I intend to stand firm on my decision. I will NOT make any effort what so ever to see her! She can show me an interest. I also will NOT tell her "I love you" anymore since it apparently is so offensive to her. If it is ever said again, she will say it, and most likely when she does...I will say "K" and show her how it feels! Is that the mature way of handling this? No. Am I going to change my mind? Probably not. But I would like to hear what you have to say.

RLiebowitz :

If you feel as if you're not being appreciated in your relationship or as if the efforts put forth are not reciprocal then perhaps moving on is the best thing for you.

RLiebowitz, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 48
Experience: work with couples and families in private practice
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RLiebowitz
RLiebowitz
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work with couples and families in private practice