How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Yes I wanted a opinion on a girl i like, how to make myself

Customer Question

Yes I wanted a opinion on a girl i like, how to make myself stand out amoung the crowd of guys always around her. I also would like to know if its mutual, so I have some text messages, if I could have you look over them and give an honest opinion of her feelings. Thank you for your help so much!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am glad to know you feel this interested about this person and would like to be a special presence in her life/

Customer: Yes she is very important to me. Let me show you the texts so maybe you can get a better idea as well.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The first aspect I'd invite you to consider here is to be truly yourself, honest and open, that way this person would have an opportunity to start knowing you, and both would know how well you could match each others' personality, worldviews, value and belief systems, learning from direct sharing about your core needs and expectations, in order for you to know how compatible they happen to be.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship to develop, both persons need to be honest and open, share same core aspects in previous areas, from values to expectations, compatible personalities and life styles. One feeling deep affection or passion without the other experiencing the same, would not allow a healthy and fulfilling relationship to develop.

Customer: The first one is me and second is her and so on.Hey Ellie would you still happen to have Daniels address? I switched phones and lost it. Yeah let me get it! 4301 N. 7th. #111 lincoln. 68521. :)Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX the most awful tasting salmon sauce. 😷 How was your day? Ewww my day was good got some awesome green skinny jeans!:)Haha, getting your convention outfit ready! I already have them:) that's really weird r u spying on me cause I am actually trying them on right now!Didn't you see me with my binoculars out your house??! Haha. No wear you green jeans to the convention! Haha creepy!! And umm better not!Lol I haven't even figured out what I'm going to west yet.. 🙈Wear haha not west, hate auto correct!What u???There's a black sharkskin suit I want to wear but I'm too fat to fit! HahaSad:( I hate that there was a pear of super cute red skinny jeans I wanted too but I was to fat:(Your not fat! Not at all. Yes I am!! What makes you say that?I just am!Oh Ellie.... Your gorgeous! And I'd hate to see you lose weight, you'd start to look like Cassidy!That wouldn't be good! Haha jk well I have to go so ill ttyl!Yeah see ya
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This seems like a nice interaction, but it could be something relevant or not depending on how real each of you happen to be. There is no way to find out and measure how interested a person may be based on a few messages, it;s rather a matter of consistency, what the pattern of communication and sharing at different levels show, and if these are unique, special or part of the person's personality, being that way with other people too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you feel this person consistently shows she likes you through her behaviors at different settings, times and circumstances to the point you and other people could easily see she likes you and enjoy your company more than what she shares with other people?

Customer: It's very hard to know with her, sometimes I feel like we connect, others she never even talks to me.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If she does then it'd be obvious she is interested, but if you have to push interactions, and what is said and shared does not feel spontaneous and real, then perhaps it could show you enjoy somethings together but not to the point necessary to build this special relationship together.

Customer: Are they're subtle hints she unconsciously can give showing her true feelings?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then that's what I mean. Always assess the patterns, the whole picture, how consistently her behavior happens to be. A person truly interested would not totally dismiss you that way most of the time, unless presenting issues or tendencies justifying in her head approaching sharing that ways, which does not seem to be a mature or assertive approach for sure if she truly happens to be interested.

Customer: I think It could also be a bit of playing hard to get. I know a lot of boys that are after her. It's tough to stand out as better choice.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would not say that you would need to look for subtle things from a person, when the obvious real, concrete behaviors do totally disregard your prey presence, since sometimes she does not talk to you at all.

Customer: Yeah it's just a hit or miss thing! Sometimes we can really get into a conversation, the next she doesn't speak to me.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Many people could "play" such strategy but it does not use to be a very mature approach. Before speculating about a person's feeling, I always recommend taking into account the real, concrete behaviors such person shows at different times and circumstances, to find out what she thinks, feels, wants and prefers.

Customer: Its hard to describe without actually be here, its just like sometimes i feel a connection, the next she is alienating me and talking to other guys.
Customer: What are some 'concrete' behaviors?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Well, there you have it. If she alienates you that way she is showing you right there much about her personality and level of interest, and you need to remind yourself about that in order to keep things real and take good care of yourself, otherwise you could fuel unrealistic expectations about this person and what you may or may not share.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Talking to you being this friendly is a concrete behavior, as it is to totally dismiss or alienate you.

Customer: Yeah it's just hard to accept i guess.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When you truly care about somebody, you would not dismiss, even less alienate that person, since such behaviors are incompatible with those coming from a person who truly respects, cares and likes you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then please always remind yourself what reality shows you, adjusting your expectations to it, in that way you would not self-sabotage nor expose to any form of unhealthy dynamic with people.

Customer: Yes very true
Customer: It's almost like she is just keeping me open as an option, not really focusing just on me.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If what you want is to feel truly good in a mature relationship, to be able to build it with another person, then first you need to ask yourself if the person really respects you, is sensitive about your feelings, cares about what you feel, think and say, shows reciprocity through her behaviors around feelings, initiatives, effort, investing in working on creating a closer relationship or not.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That seems to match reality based on the behaviors-scenarios you described/

Customer: Yes thanks for you help Rafael. It's not what I wanted to hear but, it's what I needed to hear.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is necessary for you to be realistic, adjusting your expectation to it,otherwise you could get very frustrated and expose to hurtful and unhealthy situations out of expectations not based on what concrete reality shows you.

Customer: So what would you suggest I do in this scenario?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Be always honest and truthful with yourself, in that way you would take good care of yourself, life and relationships, without adding extra unnecessary pain to it, but learning in the process, being very aware of what you really want to afford or not in each situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Always be yourself, open, honest, real. If being this way does not attract certain people, no problem, since you would not just be playing a role. Those who truly happen to respect, like and care about you, feeling compatibility and attraction to the real you, would show it in their actions,with differences for sure, depending on how introvert - extrovert they happen to be, but it's their actions in time and at different settings and circumstances what would show you about what they think, feel, want and are willing to share or not.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions