How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
54658078
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Kate McCoy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My partner says she is suffering from depression. She withdrew

Resolved Question:

My partner says she is suffering from depression. She withdrew from me when we found out we were pregnant. She says she has doubts about our future based on some difficulties in understanding some non verbal communications we had. She has suffered from this before.

She is considering an abortion as well as other options.

We met today and she was extremely affectionate and told me how much she loves me and misses me. She responded to my assertion that her doubts could never be tested unless we find away to try before its too late to make a decision on the baby.

I fear she will now go away and sink back into the depressed state. I dont know how to support her as she withdraws herself and will send lots of email but she says seeing me clouds her judgement as she cant separate her feelings for me and her worries.

I need some advice on how to help her, whilst keeping myself upbeat.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things in terms of taking care of your partner. She is struggling with depression which is not easy to cope with, for the person suffering from it and for those loved ones around them.

If your partner has not tried therapy or had an evaluation at least, that might be a good first option. At this point, knowing what kind of depression she has will help you both know what treatments will work and how you can help her at home.

Given that she is pregnant, that could be affecting her hormones and therefore the level of her depression. Women who are pregnant can experience mood issues due to the change in their hormonal levels. So she may want to check in with her doctor to see if there is anything that can be done for her. You can not only suggest this option, but be there for her if she does explore it.

You can also learn more about depression and help her in that way. The more you know, the more tools you will have to address what she feels. You can also help yourself because knowing what to look for and how to respond to her needs helps you reduce your stress. Here are some resources to help:

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Depression/Support_Groups/

http://depression.supportgroups.com/

http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

It also helps to adjust your response to your partner to what she needs. So if she seems happy and wants to be with you, then just being there helps her. But if she feels down, you can encourage her by making yourself available to talk or just sit with her. If she withdrawals, then make contact as much as you can. For example, if you walk by her, touch her lightly on the arm and look at her. Let her know you are there. You don't even need to talk to do that.

Also, try to make her life a little easier during this time. Make dinner for her or bring her a favorite flower. Go with her to appointments or on errands. Simple things that let her know you care. Unfortunately, depression can only be addressed with therapy and medications, but support often makes a world of difference in helping the person cope.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi unfortunately we dont live together - we were meant to be moving in a few weeks ago. So I cant make dinner for her etc. I can reach out but if she doesnt asnwer the phone or email etc, do I just back off and let her come to me again? Or is there something else I can do.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the additional information.

If she won't answer the phone, then just leaving a message is all you can do. And being sure she is ok. So if you do not hear from her in a few days, you may want to go see her. You can try to contact her at least once a day or every other day, which is fine. But if you feel she is not interested, backing off for a few days is ok to do. The key here is making sure you are availble but without being over protective.

But otherwise, all you can do is be available for her. She has to decide how to handle her depression and how willing she is to accept help from you or anyone else.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency