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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5517
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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hi kate , the guy i ve been casually seeing ask me if i

Customer Question

hi kate , the guy i ve been casually seeing ask me if i would fancy meeting him and a female friend of his ...he told me they flirted and kissed the woman ... ( i asked what kind of friend she was) asked me if i was jealous and that he did not mean to be cruel...but has the fantasy of having a 3some ... all of this happened over chat and playfully and i said i would not ming meeting up some good company but would not fancy woman... we said good night ... the next day i actually realized how i really felt
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, it's good to hear from you.

It sounds like the man you are seeing casually is focused on getting his own needs met in your relationship. If you are looking for friendship and are not interested in what he is proposing, then he may not have responded because he is looking to meet his own needs. Since you won't do what he asks, he is not calling back.

Whenever someone you are in a relationship with requests you do something you are not comfortable doing, it is perfectly fine to say no. You should never do something you feel forced into doing either physically or emotionally. Anyone who would do that to you is not thinking of your needs at all but instead is putting themselves first in the relationship. In a healthy relationship, the other person should respect your needs as well.

How you responded to him was just fine. Just the fact that he asked this of you in the first place is crossing a boundary. He should expect any kind of response from you since his request was outside of the norm. So his lack of response most likely had little to do with how you responded to him but more to do with the fact you won't agree to what he wants you to do.

Just to let you know that it is very late where I am so I will be signing off for now. If you respond before you rate, I will answer once I am back on in the morning.

Kate

Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5517
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Kate,
you are brilliant .. so glad i reached out..... i guess i m am just disappointed by someone whom i thought a lot of good otherwise... i feel somewhat crusshed but i have to stand my ground and move on .... Agnes
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Agnes,

Thank you! You are very kind. I understand your disappointment. But you sound like you are in a good place with this situation. Standing your ground and moving on is a great way to deal with it. You deserve much better than to be treated poorly like this.

Take care,

Kate

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