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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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A Very charming Boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up, three

Resolved Question:

A Very charming Boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up, three weeks ago. The wedding present we ordered for (first his, but our mutual) friends arrived the next day, and in our closing arrangements, I agreed (or offered!) to wrap it. (he had happily paid for it)

Well It's wrapped now, but I am having a hard time figuring what to do with it. My ex spends a terrific amount of time with them, and even when they're not actually together, he is in close (visible) proximity of the bride and groom's home for probably 12 hours a day, every day!

The Bride has called me since (but it was only a few days after, and was a personal not an overt break-up condolence call). Another mutual gal friend also called when they all new it was over, to ask if I would still help with bridal shower arrangements (at that time I suggested 'wait and see')

I'm not terrifically close to these friends, but I liked them, and we shared a lot of pleasant dinner-party meals together.

Is it childish of me to kinda avoid contact and take the gift to the bridal shower gal? Should I "suck it up" and call my ex? ...Ask the bride when would be a good time to deliver it? (it doesn't seem right to ask the bride to pick it up, but I would be more comfortable with that)
...Also I'm thinking I'll attach a card from me only - ?

There is plenty of time - the wedding is not until the end of August.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be warmly welcomed! Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant : Hi, I understand why you would feel the way you do. I think you should give the present how you would have signing it from the both if you. Regardless if you ate with your boyfriend or not it was still a mutual gift, so should be given as such. It is up to you if you still would like to help out or not. If you really like then then I would consider doing what you would have originally especially if you agreed. If you had a reasonable break up with you're ex then I don't think it would be a bad idea to discuss the plan with him. Sometimes we need to do that in order to not allow others to suffer due to our own issues. I think that would be the best thing and fairest for everyone involved. I wish you the very best and please let me know if I can help any further.
Customer:

Thank you!

jenhelant : No problem. It is my pleasure.
Customer:

I read so much about "no contact" - but that does seem to be the most "mature" approach.

jenhelant : I think the most "mature" way would be to discuss rather than no contact since no contact will not help the issues regarding other people and friendships.
Customer:

Yes. I think I'll wait a few weeks yet (I'm also very busy) then contact him by email to ask him how he thinks we could give it - Generally you're suggesting we could sign the card together? (I guess my imagination has him off with another woman by now! - but that could be my imagining. . .)

jenhelant : Yes I think that is best and worse situation if he does not cooperate I would still sign from both of you being that he had involvement in buying it regardless if you both are not together any longer.
jenhelant : And your right that sure could be your imagination :) don't stress yourself with those thoughts.
Customer:

Thank you Jen - Yes. That makes sense to me too.

Customer:

Very good service!

jenhelant : No problem at all. Anytime! :)
jenhelant : I appreciate that
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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