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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago through a dating

Customer Question

I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago through a dating service (not online) kind of like a matchmaker. Well anyhow when we first met we saw each other at least once a week and have talked on the phone every night for over an hour. Over the past 8 months we have been in a friend status mostly. I am a widow with 3 kids 12 16 & 19 yrs old. He has never been married and has no kids. I have recently gone back to college. He is always trying to help me through any tough time I have with my life school, work, kids. I like his help but lately I have been getting very emotional and he doesn't know how to handle it. He wants me to tell him how he should interpret my moods. I don't know what to tell him. He does not want to see me getting stressed out so he is always changing the topic if it gets too stressful for me. I don't want the topic to change because I want to work through our relationship and get back to dating. If we stay on topic I get emotional, not in a bad way. We still talk almost every night for an hour. I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

jenhelant : Hi, I think the best thing that you can do is to tell him how you feel. Be open and honest in regards to your emotions and how you would like to discuss it rather than the topic be changed. It sounds like he cares for you and it bothers him to see you so stressed or emotional. He may be uncomfortable with people or even himself sharing their feelings. There are some people who prefer to cover feelings up in order to keep everything peaceful and happy. I would try to show him how it doesn't mean things are bad if your emotions are shown and that it is actually a good thing because it is a way to heal and grow as well as to have insight. This is very good and important. It may be good for you to show him the benefits of it in order to help change the way he views it. That way he may not see it as a negative. Let him know how you appreciate all of his help, but do not want him to be stressed by it. Assure him that it is okay if he does not know how to interpret your moods all the time and all you want is him to be there for you by being himself. Lots of communication in regards to this will help you both be on the same page as well as ease his anxiety level in this matter.

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