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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20 plus years of experience in the field.
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Asked a girl out, she said yes. Then said "she was back together,

Resolved Question:

Asked a girl out, she said yes. Then said "she was back together, but kind of broken up" with her boyfriend so it "was complicated." I see her where she works but nothing is really happening. She friended me on facebook the other day because she's having some problems with her phone and she "was gonna contact me" the other day but her phone wasn't working. Is she just stringing me along?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

20pluscounts :

Hello- I am available to assist you. Welcome!

Customer:

Hi there

20pluscounts :

Thanks for joining me!

Customer:

I'm just frustrated with this situation because it *seems* like she "likes" me but it's slow-going

20pluscounts :

Sounds complicated from the get go- she "said she was back together, but kind of broken up" with boyfriend?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

after I asked her out and she said yes

20pluscounts :

She probably does like you but may need to close one door before she opens the other. It's hard to be patient, especially when you are uncertain where she stands.

Customer:

I mean, it's not like I'm crazy about this girl or anything, she's ok, not usually the type I go for, but it seems like they're in the process of breaking up

Customer:

I met her at this diner where I'm a regular. And she comes over for the obligatory chat every time I'm there but we don't really talk about anything special just small talk

Customer:

and I want to be like "what's going on here"

Customer:

cause if that's the way it's going to be, I'd rather not get involved

20pluscounts :

Patience is the true virtue in a situation like this- and time. I'm sure you want to be careful of being a "rebound" for her too? What prevents you from saying "what's going on here"?

Customer:

I dunno, she said things that were encouraging like "I like you you're a sweetheart" and "I really like talking to you" and when she breaks up with her "boyfriend" "I'll be the first to know"

Customer:

but nothings coming of it

20pluscounts :

Because of the many questions and uncertainty- that may peek your interest too- the "mystery" in this. However, it can start to feel like a game sometimes.

Customer:

Yes and I'm definitely at the point in my life where I don't want any games

Customer:

And I'm definitely the type that would just as soon walk away as get caught up in something like that

20pluscounts :

She may be more apt to pursue you, to be more "available", when she makes some definitive decisions about the other guy.

20pluscounts :

What makes you think she may be stringing you along?

Customer:

I just feel like in my experience when two people "like" each other they find a way to make it work or at least try to. But it's like we agreed to go out, then that didn't happen, and now we're back to talking like nothing's happened. Maybe I should stay away from the diner for a while?

20pluscounts :

No pressure, no demands, and continue to be her "friend", keeping it light and friendly- and see how this turns out. A test on one's patience for sure! She may still have one foot in the other relationship- Staying away, sure- and then see how she responds to you- sort of an experiment.

20pluscounts :

Yes give her time to "miss you", and wonder about you- peek her interest a bit.

Customer:

Or if I stay away she may just forget about me lol

20pluscounts :

A bit of absence can make the heart grow fonder/more interested. She wouldn't forget about you- obviously likes your company- likes you as a person.

20pluscounts :

She can really like you, be attracted to you, but at the same time but really confused in her current relationship. Giving her time to sort that out- maybe telling her- "hey you know how to contact me if you are interested"- and step back- as hard as that is!!

Customer:

how much time should i stay away? a week? a month? couple of weeks?

20pluscounts :

How often have you been going to diner?

Customer:

about 5 days a week

20pluscounts :

Hey maybe even if you give it a couple of days- a week may be ideal- will really get her thinking about you :)

Customer:

ok, sounds good, I can give it like 7-9 days. Plus I'm going away to help my brother move to indiana in another week so I'll have a block of time, like 2 weeks, where I'm definitely away

20pluscounts :

Keep it a bit more unpredictable maybe- that you are not a "for sure" every day.

20pluscounts :

Yes- that will keep you busy- two weeks- plenty of time!

Customer:

excellent. This all seems more complex than it should be at such an early stage, but I'll stay away for a while

20pluscounts :

These matters of the heart are hard to figure out in the brain - right!

Customer:

anyway, thank you for your help!

20pluscounts :

Right keep it simple!! You are welcome- thanks for your post!

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20 plus years of experience in the field.
Jean and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Marc,
I hope things are going well for you. Have you had contact with your friend? Let me know if I can assist you again. Hope you are having a good summer.
Thank you,
Jean/20pluscounts

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