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DrPsychologist
DrPsychologist, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 133
Experience:  I am a licensed psychologist with over 10 years of experience in providing mental health psychotherapy.
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This might be a bit complicated since I have a lot to say and

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This might be a bit complicated since I have a lot to say and many factors I think would be worth knowing for you guys to make a reasonable answer. Anyways I am in a longdistance relationship with a girl, she's in her last year of HS I'm in my first year of college. We've been dating for almost 8 months now and overall I'd say the relationship has been good, meaning no fights, we get along well, work stuff out, exc. The past month tho has been a real struggle. She got her phone taken away (she got in some trouble) which was what we used to communicate with each other most obviously. She's had to rely on going to her grandmas so she can Skype from there or using her moms phone to call, on the off chance she also gets to use her old phone with her dads permission, but the time when she can do this is pretty random. I've stuck by her this whole time but the lose of contact with her has taken its toll on me in the way I feel, think, and talk to her. To summarize it I feel like when I talk to her she's just a good friend of mine and any couple talk, such as saying "I love you" just feel empty to me. I've talked to her about my worries and we both hope my "old" feelings will come back when she gets her phone back (next week with luck). Thats a plain summary of my question lol. I have some other details, such as I'm going to a college closer to her just for a semester or two thanks to a program my college offered. We'd be in driving distance which would be a plus (along with studying out west which has been a dream of mine). We had plans to see each other this summer, unfortunatly stuff on her end fell apart at the last second, nothing was in her control since it was a family issue. Never the less I still have a chance of seeing her this summer for a few days. Another detail would be that if I ever did break up with her or wanted to go back to being friends for awhile it wouldn't work according to her. She said shed have to break contact with me completely to get me out of her mind other wise if we stayed friends shed always want a relationship, she's very much in love with me lol, to the point I'd say clingy but it doesn't bother me I actually really like it. Just a few more quick details I can't think of: with my lose of feelings I don't feel all that joyful texting her, I'm practically always debating the pros and cons of our relationship, for the most part we are a great match, she likes some stuff which I'm not all that into but don't hate so I can deal with it. She has some piercings and can do weird stuff with her hair which I honestly don't like lol, it's not a huge deal to me though since hair can always be fixed and she can take her piercings out. Probably least important is her past, she's done some stuff that have shocked me when she told me but besides them nagging me when I think about them it's no big deal. And lastly she battles with depression, I've helped her get through it during our relationship so she's fine now but I'm worried that if I ever did choose to break up shed spiral back into it. I really care about her and I always want the best for her, I'm just in a battle with my feelings right now in what I should do since our thoughts on the relationship aren't eye to eye. Thanks for your help, and sorry for talking so long.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrPsychologist replied 9 months ago.

DrPsychologist :

It sounds like you are sticking around because you are afraid of how she will manage the breakup, not necessarily because this is the best situation for you. Is that right?

Customer: While the way she would handle a break up does scare me I want to try my very best to stay together. Besides some loose family she's the only person I know around that college ill be at. And while that alone may not be a good reason to keep on trying to stay with her she hasn't done anything wrong that make me want to break up with her, it's only my weird change in feelings. I was hoping to stick it out until the end of this summer, maybe once I have met some people at my new college a break up wont be as big a problem for me.
DrPsychologist :

So, you are worried about going to school and not knowing anyone there? Have you thought about the impact of having a depressed girlfriend in college that you don't really want to be with? That could really start you out on a bad foot there.

DrPsychologist :

I am happy to continue helping you with your question. If you found my answer helpful thus far, please provide a positive rating. I can help you even after you rate the response.

Customer:

No, not knowing anyone doesn't frighten me at all. I make friends easily. I havent put much thought into having a depressed girlfriend either for the fact that she isnt currently depressed. That was just in her past, the reason I said it was because IF I did end up breaking up with her I'm positive she'd go back to her depressive self which is something I would never want for her. I want to keep her happy as can be.

DrPsychologist :

Oh, okay. I understand. Thanks for clarifying. It seems that you both care about each other. As long as she makes you happy then staying in the relationship makes sense but I would advise against staying if it is with the thought that you want to break up but fear that you can't. Then you will feel resentful and that will not be good for either of you.

Customer:

I understand. She does make me very happy its just not being able to talk as much has worn me down a bit i guess. Hopefully that changes soon though, anyways thanks for your help.

DrPsychologist :

Sure. Please remember to rate my response. If you found it helpful, then please provide a positive rating so that I get credit for my time. Thanks and good luck!

DrPsychologist, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 133
Experience: I am a licensed psychologist with over 10 years of experience in providing mental health psychotherapy.
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