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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Commitment phobic or being a player

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I meet this guy online maybe a month ago. He seems pretty nice and I meet him once briefly he is not that attractive but seems like fun companionship. Last night we talked on the phone, and he tells me at the age of 39 he has never been in a relationship. I explained to him most of my ex bf 's asked me to be in a relationship and he was in shock . I explained to him that normally if the guy and I dating exclusivity that by the 3rd month he will asked me for a relationship by then. My friend dates around a lot, so I don't expect anything serious from him. he goes to church with a female friend once a week for bible study and always talk about different woman in my presence and smoking weed. I do want a relationship one day soon, should I continue to talk to him on phone knowing this is not going anywhere, He asked me out and said w will think of something. is he a commitment-phobia or player? I do have a 2 year old, so I have not even tried to schedule any time with him, but I did explain that my 2 year will be staying 2 weeks with her grandparents this summer also. I make him schedule all the dates. Should I continue to talk to him daily even though I know I will have to keep my options open for  a man that wants a relationship.  My friend normally contacts me daily and every night before he goes to sleep.  He calls me baby, but he calls all his female friends baby.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : Some times it only takes one women to change a man to get him to have a commited relationship.
Deardebra : People often find the one person that they are meant to be with and they make that commitment.
Deardebra : Even players fall in love and realizes that they can not live without the person.
Deardebra : The only thing is he is 39 and has never been in a relationship, that is not someone that has been hurt by a past relationship. Some times people do not commit because they had their heart broken before. But this guy just has not found the right person to spend his life with, but some times people feel like they should not make a commitment because maybe something. in their childhood. Some people
Deardebra : have a bad opinion of marriage because their parents might have got a divorce.
Deardebra : Which causes the wrong perceptioin of marriage.
Deardebra : They feel like they should always live the single life.
Deardebra : I am not sure if he really understands how dating works and the commitment of it.
Deardebra : I would get to know him a little better and see where he stands. He also could be just saying these things because he doesn't want you to think that girls don't like him. Some times people make things up just to try to impress someone or they some times think by saying they have never been in a relationship that you migth try harder to be in a relationship with them.
Deardebra : It also is a good way for you to tell him about past relationship and him not to talk about his because he said he was not in a relationship.
Deardebra : Maybe he has not been in a relationship because he has never been ready.
Deardebra : I would still talk with him and get to know him first.
Deardebra : Thanky you again for your question.
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