Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how heartbreaking this situation must be for you. You are clearly hurt, disappointed, and angry. I read some of your previous questions/answers here at Just Answer and I can see how it has been heading toward this separation. I'm so sorry you're going through this; it's very hard.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. I am going to introduce a word into the discussion that is difficult: grieving.
Yes, there will need to be financial considerations, and your kids will need to be tended to and arrangements made, etc. All these are important. But I want you to remember that there is an emotional heartbreak at the center of this.
From what you write, you clearly gave your heart to this relationship with him and you feel betrayed and belittled. That creates hurt and disappointment and anger. But there is also the grieving that you must recognize you are beginning to experience and that will need to be given expression.
Separation, divorce, are not often given this opportunity in our society. But that is a mistake. Because when you give your heart to someone and then that relationship is torn apart, there is grief. And you need to accept that you will grieve the relationship.
So give yourself the right to be angry, the right to be enraged as well. The right to be disappointed that he did not get it, that he did not try harder. The right to be hurt that he could misuse your generosity. But also give yourself the right to grieve that love has been torn apart. And that hurts and it should. So don't feel as though you should "be over it" or be "happy" and "free", etc. These are not what hardly anyone feels.
On the issue of fairness in the financial area: I urge you not to seek to be fair. This is the time for you to advocate for your needs. I believe that having the smartest and most sympathetic attorney who can be referred to you is crucial at this stage. You need to have a voice guiding you that you trust and that is not swayed by emotions. Because you need to let yourself feel your emotions and to have an attorney looking out for your interests so that you can be free to feel them.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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