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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20 plus years of experience in the field.
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Hi I really have strong feelings for a guy. We met last year

Customer Question

Hi I really have strong feelings for a guy. We met last year and hung out and got involved but he told me he only liked me as a friend and that he still had feelings for his ex. Him an his ex ended up getting back together and it tore me apart. About 8 months later I felt led to write Him a letter on everything I needed to get out. He responded and told me him and his ex broke up 2 weeks prior.. He was giving so much and he wasn't... Anyways since then we ve been talking. He came home a few months ago and we hung out a few times. I don t know I he feels anything for me now... I feel like I always text him but he told me I was welcomed at his house anytime... And I texted him last week mentioning I'd be away for a few days and he answered what?!?! Is everything ok, where r u going... So I Dk what this means....
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

20pluscounts :

Hello, I am available to assist you

20pluscounts :

Thank you for your post tonight

20pluscounts :

Are you available for a live chat?

Customer: Yes
20pluscounts :

Thanks for joining me. When did he and she break up?

Customer: He said this back on December so 6 months ago
20pluscounts :

"He was giving so much and she wasn't..." Sounds like he may have been a bit burned in the relationship and he's a bit stung and may be stand offish because of it- or careful.

20pluscounts :

You professed your feelings for him in a letter correct? He is aware of how you feel?

Customer: Actually when he told me they got back together I got drunk and told him I loved him ha and I ended up getting DUI and went to hospital. I called him to take me I had no ride and he was by my side
Customer: The letter focused on my healing from my past and encouragement to him
20pluscounts :

That will do it every time when intoxicated- happens to the best of them!

Customer: Ha I know... So not like me embarrassing lol
20pluscounts :

Sorry about the dui and hospital- not a great memory huh?

Customer: No ha... Thank u
20pluscounts :

This guy may have lots of feelings for him. Allow him to seek you out- if he does- you will have a better idea how much he's into you.

20pluscounts :

lots of feelings for you

20pluscounts :

Good example of this is when you mentioned you were leaving for a few days- and that seemed to "get his attention"

20pluscounts :

You can do lots of guessing, and filling in the blanks about what this means- the what?! he responded with- but unless he's willing to be more forthcoming with his feelings you are left guessing.

Customer: Yeah
20pluscounts :

I know it's a game but pulling away, allowing him to seek you out more, is at least worth a try- see how he responds. Certainly an option is to straight up ask him- yet again, you want to be careful of looking "needy", instant turn off.

20pluscounts :

These affairs of the heart are sometimes hard to make sense of in our brain- cuz it's the heart

Customer: Right. And actually I think it was 2 weeks ago... I asked to hang out it was at night and he said sure come over I just have a few things to do I ll be about 20 mins or so... Well I figured he d call me to let me kno he didn't I ended up waiting an hr and a half and texted him saying I was going to bed.. He said ok and that he was too... I was angry and said some stand of fish ents. I waited a week and asked about it and he said u asked me to hang out and td u to come over... It got late u never came its fine... And I said what I thought.. So miscommunication.
Customer: I went over Saturday morning to stop by... We planted a garden at his house so I was checking on it... His friend was over and the guy I'm into invited me over for break and it was so good laughed so much with them... I couldn't tell if he was trying to be funny
Customer: I'm not the best at picking up things... When I left he said thanks or comin over
Customer: Weird ? Lol but he like lifted his shirt up a little I didn't kno if that's just something guys do or if I know.... I could be reading into it
20pluscounts :

Since it has not been too long since his relationship ended- allowing a bit of time for him to "get her out of his system" so to say, may be best- he may be one mixed up fella- and time can be the true healer for him- Even if it ended for good reasons it is still a loss. For now keep the contact with him light and upbeat- no pressure, no demands. Yes- can easily mispercive and mis communicate- we are not always clear on what we are really trying to say, or don't ask for clarification enough when we don't understand. Yes, have fun- light. Sounds like there is definitely chemistry. Ya- like "what are you trying to say buddy" lifting the shirt.

Customer: Kk yeah ha
20pluscounts :

Hey maybe it was "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" lol again- so many ways to perceive actions and comments.

Customer: Right lol
20pluscounts :

I don't care how old we are- feeling strong feelings for someone is intoxicating- and crazy making at the same time.

Customer: It is... I just never felt so comfortable and compatible with someone... We always have such deep convos and can talk for hours
20pluscounts :

Sounds so natural- keep it on that level- build a strong foundation of friendship-

Customer: Yeah
Customer: I guess I feel not good enough... I don't feel established in life and yeah ha
20pluscounts :

Friendship- and having your life and activities outside of the relationship with him is important for your own self care and self worth

20pluscounts :

Put some energy into boosting your self worth- identify your strengths and build on those- while at the same time hanging out with him when the opportunity arises

Customer: Yeah thank you
20pluscounts :

Even if we don't feel confident we can "act" confident, such as pulling away a bit- the "playing hard to get" card- let him work for you

20pluscounts :

You are welcome- remind yourself "I am worthy" :)

Customer: Ok thank you so much.. I have one more thing... It's not really on this subject... I have finished 2 1/2 years of college but took a break to deal with hard things from my last that I tried to forget so I ve been working... I signed up for summer classes.. Just started and I'm really not into it and I have pretty bad anxiety and confusion still and am just frustrated and Dk what to do
Customer: From my past*
20pluscounts :

You are worthy- corny as it sounds- put words of validation on your mirror. Going to college- you deserve the good stuff, the success- Even if you are anxious- I think we fear how successful we can be vs. that we will fail

Customer: Yea
20pluscounts :

Does your college have counselors available? What you describe is so very common and a bit of support might help you sort things out.

Customer: I'm doing it online ...
20pluscounts :

Writing in a journal can help- along with feelings- identify every day your strengths, and things you are grateful for.

20pluscounts :

Can you do college and work on stuff from your past- a bit of variety- and balance?

Customer: Yeah
Customer: Well thank u u truly helped me
20pluscounts :

We all have a story to tell- a past, hurt, etc. It's a human condition.

20pluscounts :

You are welcome- glad to help a bit!

20pluscounts :

Let me know if I can assist you again. A bit of life coaching can help boost your self worth a bit.

Customer: Yea thanks again
20pluscounts :

Would you be so kind to rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit? Much appreciated!! You are so very welcome- best wishes!!

Customer: Yes def thanks u too!
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20 plus years of experience in the field.
Jean and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Michelle,
Let me know how things are going for you. I hope well.
Jean
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hey jean it's going fine.. I texted him just seeing how he was.. Asked more ?s then usual... Nothing too exciting..
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Meant to say he asked more questions than he usually does. I mentioned we should walk soon... Used to do that an e said that'd be nice
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
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