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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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My boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me

Customer Question

My boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me. Here's the thing, this isn't just happening, I've noticed it a few months ago. My insecurities and jealous nature caused a lot of our arguments. This last time I hit him while we were out together and he ended things. After me begging and pleading and apologizing immediately after it happened he said he wanted to work things out. We live together and have been for about 6 months. I have 2 children and they are really quite fond of him, as his is of them. I've been trying to re connect with him even before the incident but I just seem to mess everything up. Please i need help, advise or anything I'm so depressed, can't function at work it's all I think about. I put on a front and act happy around everyone but deep inside I feel like I'm dying a little more everyday. What's worse is I think he may be seeing someone else. I've asked and he says no, he does all things he should as far as clean and cooks sometimes and things around the house but it seems as if our relationship is at the bottom of the list. I can remember when we first got together I was all he wanted, constant calls, text, dates, and he just enjoyed my company. Now when we're supposed to be spending time together, he's on his phone every few minutesc hecking his facebook notifications. I need any help you can offer, I've also told him I'd go to anger management classes

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. It sounds as though you are willing to do something about this and are wanting to salvage your relationship. He sounds at present as though he's had enough and has switched off, disconnected and doesn't feel appreciated by you.

I'm uncertain why your actions have been the way they have, but this is important to get to the bottom of - find out what the underlying issues are as to the way you have gradually begun to treat him differently and then work your way to making the right changes.

This can be done through counseling - you will need to find someone who you can talk to in confidence about this and try and understand what is going on, does this make sense? Here are some links for you check out:

USA therapists website: http://www.psychologytoday.com/
Another website where you can search for counselors: http://www.nbcc.org/counselorfind

It is important to try and understand how your insecurities are getting the better of you and think about stopping yourself from saying things to him that you know are going to cause unnecessary confrontation and you will need to regularly keep check on yourself. Try sitting down and talking to him about this. Express to him that you are very keen and love him very much so want to work this out but you would like his support. His constant checking of Facebook notifications is possibly due to him disconnecting from you and not feeling loved or maybe pushed away by you, so that might just be a cause of the relationship becoming a little distant.

It's great that you would consider anger management classes but you may need to seek counseling support and understand why you are feeling the way you are. Anger management classes will only deal with your anger and frustrations and provide you with strategies but won't help you make sense of your insecurities.

You're concerned that he might be seeing someone else - again, you need to ask yourself what evidence there is for this? I ask this because perhaps he is detaching himself from you due to the lack of belief in him and in yourself - and so he slowly switches off because he can only try and persuade so many times and then it becomes too hard for him and so detaches.

You both deserve to be happy. YOU deserve to be happy but currently you're treating him as though he is not your partner and vice versa so this whole situation needs changing and making better and I believe you both CAN make it better but you both will want to try and make it better - a conscious effort on both your parts.

It may be worth talking to him about couple counseling after you've had some time for yourself unless he'd be ready to go sooner with you. My best to you, I hope you both can work through this together and that you find the strength to have more faith in yourself and the fact that you are worth caring for and loving.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

Can I be of any further help you? If so, please do let me know.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before leaving the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Regards, Karin

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