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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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So Im in love with my best friend. Weve known each other

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So I'm in love with my best friend. We've known each other for years but have only been hanging out for about five months. Since then shes had three boyfriends and has dumped two of them. Shes currently on the third. She considers me her best friend which for a while i was happy with. But as time goes on feelings tend to rise. So now I've fallen in love with her and don't know if i should tell her or not. Should i tell her and hope for the best?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is definitely worth trying to let your best friend know you have feelings for her. You have tried before, but it may not have been the right time for her or for some other reason she was not willing to consider a relationship (maybe she was still involved with someone else emotionally). But being that you both are best friends, you already have many of the elements needed for a solid romantic relationship.

Instead of just telling her this time, you might want to try to move slowly by showing her your feelings. Small gifts, little gestures like flowers (if she likes them) and just being more attentive than you usually are with her. That gives you two advantages. One, you can ease her into a closer relationship and possibly a romantic one and two, it gives her time to think about a closer relationship with you without having to give you an immediate answer if you ask directly.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate







May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you. Glad to know ive been on the right track with my attentivness. I tried to tell her last night but she didnt want to talk im not sure if she knew what i was going to say but she said to just talk another time. Im hoping to do so tonight. Would it be good to just say what i feel?
You could just tell her. But you might want to work up to it instead by doing small things to help her see that you care. If she has put you off a few times before and did not want to talk last night, then trying another way might help. And showing your feelings through actions might help her see how much you care.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Well im taking her and some friends. Including her current boyfriend out to a movie. And ive told her on several ocasions that im here for her if she ever needs it. That im going to support her in any decision she may have and that i care deeply about her
That sounds good. Hopefully she will be open to it. I hope it works out for you!

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
As do I. Thank you so much for your help
You're welcome! Being best friends already should really help your relationship grow.

My best to you,

Kate








Please don't forget to rate my service as OK or higher so I am credited for my answer. Thanks so much!
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
It didnt work. I tried to tell her the other day and she stopped me before i could say anything. I think she knew what i was going to say. Two days later she told me she didnt want to see me for a while. That i had "girlfriend zoned" her and that it will never happen so i need to stop
I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe someday she will change her mind. In the meanwhile, you might be able to take some time to decide if this relationship is something you want to continue with, given your feelings.

My best to you,
Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I dont know. It just hurts to be rejected. Again. I wanted this relationship because i was already treating it with a level of affection. I just wanted it to be justified. Now im pretty sure i may never see her again
It does hurt. This is a loss, so you may want to allow yourself time to grieve. Do what you can to take care of yourself and rely on support from friends and family. That can get you through.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok. So say she does call me back. What do i do? Do o say anything?

I would be more than happy to continue working with you on any new questions you have. All I ask is that you remember to rate my answers for each new/different question you ask. Is this ok before I continue?

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes ofcourse
If she does call you back, then you may want to back off of talking about your feelings for now. She seems clear at this point about how she feels. That does not mean that in the future it will not change. She already knows you care about her and love her, so she may just need time to think it through and things could change.

When you do talk to her, try to keep it on a friend level. Talk about things in general and even things you usually talk about, minus anything intimate. That can show her that you are still ok being friends and that you respect her boundaries with not talking about anything more intimate.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you. This is very helpful
You're welcome!

Take care,

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
I hope you were happy with my responses. If so, may I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am aware. But am currently broke. I will keep the email link and when i recive the &43 it costs to place another ratimg i will gladly do so

I understand. But please understand, this is a paid site. So if you place questions, experts appreciate being paid for their work, especially if you say you will do so.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I promise i will pay as promptly as possible. You have my word
Thanks for letting me know.