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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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My boyfriend broke up with me for no reason. we dated for two

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My boyfriend broke up with me for no reason. we dated for two months and we were planning for getting engaged. the same day he broke up with me, i saw him online on a dating website. im so hurt please advice.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm so very sorry to hear that your boyfriend has broken up with you. Your finding him on an online dating website must have been heartbreaking for you. I wonder if you feel you could give this some space and time and when you feel ready to, to try and email or talk to him and ask him why he's broken up with you? It seems quite sudden and although you've only been dating a short while (some people date for years before getting engaged), it seems you are not understanding why he has done this. Also to be breaking up with you on the day you're both planning on getting engaged may demonstrate that he was feeling perhaps scared or pressured? Do you think this could be a reason for his u-turn?

I always believe that if something is meant to be it will happen, however in these circumstances it just feels so hurtful and a huge betrayal by him going on another online dating website - that feels like a huge mistrust.

My first observation also is that you deserve to be with someone who would NEVER treat you in this way, and would respect you more than how this person has treated you. He may have real issues around commitment and hence jeopardizing any chance you both have of creating a future together - he may be sabotaging your future together but perhaps if you felt you wanted to talk with him, you may need to give him some time and in the meantime, you could be building up YOUR strength and then be able to talk more confidently with him about his actions.

Give yourself some space and time to heal, you did not deserve to be treated like this and I'm sorry that you are going through this pain but it WILL subside and you will be able to see things clearly again.

Try keeping busy or arrange to meet with close friends who will take good care of you and give you hugs - you sound like you need them right now. Find ways to remember who you are and immerse yourself with positive influences and thoughts in your life - this will give you space and the time you need to slowly heal and make some sense of what he has done.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Karin,


 


Thank you for your reply. I wanted to be more specific about what happened for you to get a better Idea. Me and my boy friend met on a dating website for Arabs. we then started calling and then we met. We spent a lot of time together, he used to drive 40 miles after work to come and see me. he was very nice and did everything I asked him. He was very generious and he is the one who started the committment. I wanted to make the engagement after 4 months , but he is the one who insisted of making it faster becasue he said there is no reason to delay. we talked the day before and we went for a coffee and then we continued planning. We planned for EVERYTHING regarding our engagement and marriage. then the next day, he stopped answering my calls and I noticed some change. When I asked him why he said he had so much pressure and when I asked him if he want us to continue together, his answer was I don't know. I started crying and I lost it with him. I told him that he treated me so bad and I don't deserve this from him. he called me several times and send me several text to ask me if I was ok? I answered him and I said that you hurt me so bad. He did not replay to my text. The same day we broke up, I saw him online on the same dating website we met at. we broke up a week ago and since then I saw him online everyday on this website. I hope I gave you more information to play with. Looking forward to hear back from you.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Yes that is very helpful, thank you for the additional information. He sounds as though he is reacting to the break up (even tough he has to some degree instigated it), by going on this online dating website as a way of coping. His uncertainties about the engagement are also very apparent. Unfortunately, even though you both planned everything - the nearer it got to the time to make this engagement more formal between you both, he seems to have gotten cold feet.

You absolutely deserve to be treated better than this. I would still give it some time and see what happens; he may just be trying to find a way to deal with this all (despite it not being a very good, healthy way), I would give this whole situation some time and take it from there. If you feel that you cannot trust him anymore, then you need to start making some decisions about whether you continue trying to pursue him for some answers or simply letting go and moving on. You are experiencing a process of 'loss'. Loss of a relationship, loss of trust and a potential future with someone you deeply cared about. You were right to trust your instinct of not perhaps getting engaged so soon...

This whole process will take a while to grieve over so don't rush it and do find good people around you to take care of you and allow family and friends to do just that - it will make this whole situation somewhat easier to cope with.

I truly do hope you can start to work through this, but no matter what, try and let go and allow yourself time to grieve over the losses mentioned above.

My absolute best to you, take good care of yourself from here on.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Karin


Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you Karin,


 


My last question for you. Since you said he might got a cold feet about the whole committment thing. Do you think there will be a chance that he might contact me again? like I mentioned we broke up a week ago and he did not try to contact me in anyway.


 


Thank you,


 


 

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Based on the fact that he attempted to check you were okay etc initially when you were upset, he may well try and communicate with you at some point - however he may not as yet because he may be feeling like he's really hurt you and hence is pushing you further away. I would give yourself time to build up your strength - as currently you are very vulnerable and hurt - you don't want to be discussing this with him at this point when you are emotionally charged, if that makes sense?

If within a few more weeks he doesn't contact you, then you might want to decide on your next move - to email/text/call him and discuss this one last time or leave it be and close this chapter in your life.

Only my best to you, I hope you can resolve this - but do build up your strength first.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively and for the generous bonus, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and I truly hope you can begin to work through this - both practically and emotionally.

Kind regards, Karin

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Karin Samms
Karin Samms
Counselor
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with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues