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SpecialistMike, MS, CSCS
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 508
Experience:  Master of Science, Physiology
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So me and my ex girlfriend have been officially done for like

Customer Question

So me and my ex girlfriend have been officially done for like 4 months. When my ex ended things with me she brought up the idea that she thinks we should be friends. I come to find out that she had her eyes set on someone else.What makes things crazier is that me and her work together. The months since we have been broke up she has made occasional contact with me wishing me happy bday, wishing me luck on an exam, and congrats on me getting an award at my job. But since we have been working together she really doesn't show much interest in what I've been up to and how I've been. When she does its inconsistent. She's very hot and cold. One day she will joke around with me and flirt a little and even offer me things like food. She even bought me a pack of candy she saw me eating the day before and when I told her she didn't have to do that she played it off saying 'I know' and walked away. She even told me don't think om flirting with you because she is buying me candy and joking around. When I asked her why she would say that she said nevermind, disregard that. Me and her are still friends on facebook and is friends with my mom on there as well. She will like post or pictures my mom puts up and even friends of mine even if I'm tagged in the picture, but never directly on my post. and she not too long ago mes saged me congrats on making rank but that was it. She really didnt seem real happy for me. So as of latele has really bng out of her way to ignore me. Almost like i dont exist but I know deep down she still cares about me. I know she has been real secretive about her new relationship and idk if its because of that she is acting this way toward me. I have a feeling she doesn't want me to know. I know she knows I am a good man and that I care about her but for whatever reason she doesn't seem to care. At work she will interact with everyone else but act distant towards me. Like I said she is hot and cold. I don't know if she is really over me or confused. I would like to have a second chance with her because I still love her but I can't wait forever. Idk whether the offer of friendship was to let me down easy or does she genuinely want to keep me a part of her life.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You shouldn't hold out your hopes since she doesn't seem to know what she wants. It seems that her attention is only beneficial to her and by waiting you subject yourself to more pain. The only way to end that is to start to pull away. It can be very risky to wait for something that may not come. You always want to put your feelings first just for self preservation. It sounds like she is toying with your feelings and this will lead to possible heart ache. I would focus on healing yourself even though you want this chance. Chances involve two people. For her to be part of your life she has to be invested in a relationship. I would focus on you and how to move on
Expert:  SpecialistMike replied 3 years ago.

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am terribly sorry to hear and see you are experiencing this with her.

I will be frank here, and I have helped other customers understand some of the "female" ways here(respectfully XXXXX XXXXX experts and other women). I tend to see this pattern(at least locally) when some people get out of long term relationships.

With all the information you have given, I feel like I can give you some insight. I will warn you: what I say isn't to pad your feelings, its to help you understand how or what she is thinking and why you should or shouldn't put further energy into it.

So to be honest, she sounds young. Like 18-22 young, if not in biological age, then in mind. It sounds like she doesn't want to be locked down and may or may not want to explore what else is out there. This should be acceptable to you because you, may eventually want the same thing.

I can tell you the best way to treat the situation, to really see if she is playing games is to respond equally to the amount of "care" when you feel she isn't interested or doesn't care. For example if she says "Hey" in passing give her the same quick "hey" back. Withdraw your feelings and reactions back just a bit. You might actually find she will give MORE reaction to you if you sincerely XXXXX XXXXX show that you "don't care", at least in the way you act. Don't be rude, just stop reacting for a bit.

When you do this you may see her attention to you increase greatly. Give it maybe 3 weeks of this minimal interaction, letting her do her own thing, you doing your own thing, and see how she responds. She may actually even ask you why you no longer react so bubbly to her. Let her do the hot and cold thing, stay minimally reactive, short but polite and I would bet the farm she will ask you why and will start to show me LEADING YOU to figure out that she might actually be playing games until she figures her own "thing" out. play the game of the opposite sex. Trust me on this one.

Please take a moment and rate my service with you when you finish up as its the only way I am paid for my time with customers - hit reply if you want to continue on as well.

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