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Ask Karin Samms Your Own Question

Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I am like my psychiatrist. I know this is not transference.

Customer Question

I am like my psychiatrist. I know this is not transference. I have been thinking about him constnaly for two months since we met.I know him from university we spoke once eight years ago. I want a plan of some kind that will help me gain his affections. However im overweight size 14 and im afraid he has seen the real me already. I simply adore him and have strong feeling for him as we are both form academia in the same field. Please help.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

If you are in a similar field of work, you will know that dating or trying to date somebody who is your psychiatrist is simply not going to work and could be quite problematic. You may well have developed a lust/infatuation for this man and I wouldn't want to see you getting hurt if you were to try and get him to see you in this way.

Your size should not matter as really this is about your attraction towards him and gauging whether he is reciprocating this attraction back towards you, do you know what I mean? Is he showing any signs of liking you too?

Based on what I have said above, I need to express to you that also working in a similar field of work - with clients - it is highly unethical for me or any other therapist / psychiatrist that I know to get involved with a 'client' as he could get into a lot of trouble as you can appreciate he'd be bound by certain professional codes and ethics . If however, you do not have a client - psychiatrist relationship with him and are merely old university acquaintances, then there would be nothing wrong in finding ways to make him see you and trying to arrange for more contact with him.

I'm merely saying that you need to be very certain of what boundaries there are around you and that you're not overstepping them as this will only cause you heartache.

If having taken all of the above into consideration, you feel you are able to pursue him without any negative consequences to yours or his professional roles, then you could say there's opportunity for you to try and arrange to meet for a coffee or try and communicate with him in a different way.

Strategies to try and get him to notice you might include trying to find him on Facebook and messaging him - talk about things you have in common - such as university and perhaps old friends? If not a social networking site, you could email/ text him? You could then move to the next stage of arranging to meet for a coffee and a catchup - this whole process could take a while so please do bear this in mind, as it may not happen very quickly.

In the meantime, you might want to also be considering your own confidence as you've talked about your weight and how you feel he will see the 'real' you already. I'm uncertain what this means, but you may want to explore this further and give it some thought as to what you're feeling low or possibly even ashamed of from your past. Until you can get a hold of these negative thoughts, you may well struggle to move forward with this guy - so in order to have a clear head and find a way to get this man's attention, you need to feel confident about you and your body too. If you feel you are overweight, then perhaps you could look at different weight loss programmes - such as weight watchers ? There are many different types of programmes and although I'm not endorsing any particular one, its just useful to know that you can lose weight slowly and gradually without it being too harsh a regime.

My best wishes to you and I do hope this is helping you to understand what obstacles you possibly might face ahead of you in trying to pursue this man - if I didn't lay out all your cards that I foresee on the table - I wouldn't be doing my job here very well for you. Please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I will need more help on this Karin and wil forward more information.. thanks

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

No problem, I will do my best to assist you.

I may not respond immediately today as I am in and out of sessions through the day, but will respond as soon as I am able to.

Kind Regards,
Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Karin its just that I am thinking about him continuously all day everyday. what are my options to get him. a . leave his practice because I love him and never see him again.


b. continue and continue to fancy him more and more


c. lose weight, become a doctor, become stronger and more confident say nothing and let him make the moves


 


my thing is that he was interested in the first and second session until I told him about how I felt on the phone that he easily omitted by saying he could not speak freely.


 


I have a boyfriend and he asked about him because he had to know because he liked me.


 


the more I think about the less he will like me...please help..


 


maybe suggest a plot to gain his affections..thanks

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

I'm not sure if you are asking me about each of your points above and to address each one, so will try and respond to each one:

A) to get him to leave his practice because you love him? I'm not sure if this is being reciprocated by him, if it isn't then your feelings may not be returned - you need to think carefully about this.

B) your feelings are not going to subside - they seem more likely to get stronger and stronger - and unless you do something about this, you won't get any resolve.

C) option C - this feels more like a healthy and practical option to your issue - you need to feel more confident about yourself before making any moves.

When you say he was interested in the first and second session, you need to be careful as if he is your 'psychiatrist', he is potentially breaking ethics of keeping professional boundaries.

I'm not sure you can force and create plots to gain his affections - as a counsellor I can tell you that it is better to be honest and open with him. Express your feelings and if they are not reciprocated then perhaps you will need to work on finding a way to manage your strong feelings towards him.

The fact that you have a boyfriend who is unaware of your feelings also makes me wonder whether there is some level of the 'thrill of the chase' and wanting someone that is unavailable to you? Do you know what I mean?

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You need to ensure this for your own self esteem too. I hope you understand that I am trying to offer you support and some clarity around your dilemma - this is not an easy situation and you will need to be extremely careful to not get hurt in the process.

Talk to him about your feelings or let this person go - you may not see it yet, but unless you can become stronger in yourself you'll continuously struggle with feelings for this person. I wish you only the best in working through this.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you.

Karin

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