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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I have developed a close working relationship with a male colleague

Customer Question

I have developed a close working relationship with a male colleague (I am female) over the past six months; we worked on one project together, and plan to work on future projects together. The past few times I have seen him at conferences, he greets me with "Hello My Dear," and a kiss on the cheek. We have also hung out at networking receptions, and he has said I am a beautiful and wonderful person, and looks forward to a long lasting relationship. What does this mean? We are also both married, but I have to admit, I do feel an attraction. Does his actions mean he feels the same?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

It seems he is very friendly but despite you both being quite friendly towards each other I'm unsure whether this actually means he is attracted towards you in this way. Some people do greet others with "Hello My Dear" (particularly where I'm from and it doesn't mean much other than very friendly behaviour) as they are just that type of personality - do you know what I mean? I wouldn't want you to read too much into the situation unless he has shown further flirtatious behaviour. The comments that you are 'a beautiful and wonderful person' could also be very sweet comments (although they do come across as a little less appropriate towards a female colleague..), but again, they could just be very sweet generous comments.

Let's look at this from another perspective for you; his actions at this stage might be the 'beginning' of something that is flirtatious and he may well be working up towards something else. However, unless he actually propositions you in some way, I would not read too much into it and try and keep things as boundaries as you feel fit to do so. Your attraction towards him may well be due to the fact that he is complementing you and this is making you feel good and valued.

I do hope this is helping and has given you some clarification, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the answer and insights. I should admit that when we saw each other last month at a conference, we had a few too many drinks. As we walked out of the conference, he admitted to me that he was 'attracted to me, more than he should be.' He was also rubbing my hand and asked if he could kiss me, and I declined. I think we just decided to ignore this incident, but with us working a bit more often for the foreseeable future, I guess I am a bit more aware of what he says, and want to ensure an interest is not there.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Okay, this changes things a little as he has propositioned you to some extent. So, yes there are some feelings there - wouldn't you say? If you really want to ensure that this interest is not acted upon by you, you will need to think carefully how you conduct yourself around him and keep a level of distance between you both and try and keep things as professional as possible. I hope this explains further as I can see you are needing some clarity around this situation and I certainly wouldn't want you to be in a position of a) getting hurt or b) in any awkward situations at work which prevent or make working with this man more difficult. Best of luck and I hope this gives you some confidence in finding a way to deal with his advances / friendly behavior towards you in a more effective way now at you can see that they are not simple normal kind comments but loaded possibly with physical attraction - which needless to say comes with consequences both personally and professionally for you both.
Take good care of yourself.
--------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you so much. Sorry, one more follow up question/request for advice. I am the main point of contact between him and my company. He essentially endorsed our company to his colleagues which will give us business through next fall, business that is valuable because we are a small company. He did tell me that he respects my work and that I do a really good job, which he says adds to the attraction (said during that same encounter last month). Am I ok not telling my boss about this? I prefer not to, I like to think I'm competent and can handle this. But do you think there could be repurcussions from his end with me stopping my flirty behavior (I have to take responsibility for this as well, I was weak and this attraction thing caught me off guard).

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hey there,

I don't think it is necessary to tell your boss unless you feel there is a real urgency and necessity in case you felt this man might make things difficult for you. Agreed, that it 'takes two' however, you have realized and are doing something about it before it gets to a different level altogether. So remain professional and keep the guy pleased and respecting your work - what you do professionally should speak volumes alone so attraction or no attraction, this can still be the main focus from here on. Keep yourself in situations whereby you are not left alone with him to pursue or say anything that compromises you or your integrity and trust in yourself that you can sort this out. Of course your strength, independence and sense of determination to succeed in your business will be an attraction to him - why wouldn't it be? :-) However, most men would admire but not cross that boundary and you have succumbed to it a little too - but it seems, not enough to jeopardize your career nor your own marriage - and that seems important to you.

Good luck, I believe the fact that you are consciously aware of it now will be enough to prevent anything untoward occurring any further.

Take care,
Karin :-)
--------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Thank you for rating my service positively and for the generous bonus, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and I hope that you can sort this out.

Karin :-)

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