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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have been in a committed relationship with a man for almost

Resolved Question:

I have been in a committed relationship with a man for almost 6 years. He has been
single for almost 30 years, do you think he will ever "pop" the question? Our ages are
57 and 53.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

You and your friend clearly have a good relationship. If he has been looking at rings then he has been considering formalizing the relationship with marriage.

His previous relationship ended many years ago, but perhaps on a sour note, which left him feeling anxious whenever he considers re-marrying.

He may be afraid of failure and may feel more secure knowing that he is not bound by civil law (and the church if you are thinking of a religious based marriage). He may be thinking, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it", as if getting married might somehow jinx the relationship.

He would like to think that he could be free to come and go (even though he is already faithful and committed to you). Men often feel this way more than women do.

I suggest that you address the question to him, and tell him that you love him and want to actual want to be his wife because it would unexplicably but absolutely would make you feel better - to be able to say (even to yourself) that you are his wife and he is your husband.,

Tell him that you understand how anxious it makes him.

If he has children there may be considerations of property rights that are bothering him because he does not want them to lose out on his inheritance. If he does indeed have children, then you can talk about a pre-nuptial agreement which can ease his apprehension.

If this is not the case then he just has fears that he may be able to overcome.

Let me recommend three excellent books that can help you very much:

Product Details

Why Men Fear Marriage: The Surprising Truth Behind Why So Many Men Can't Commit by RM Johnson


and


Product Details

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry by Les and Leslie Parrott

and finally



Product Details

She Wants a Ring--and I Don't WXXXXX XXXXXe a Thing: How a Man Can Overcome His Fears of Commitment and Marriage... by James D. Barron


You will have to approach this gradually as you certainly don't want to scare him away (although he seems that he is there for the long haul).

Learn what you can (and there is a lot to learn in those books) and I believe that you will eventually be able to insert an "r" between the M and s (Ms. to Mrs.).

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Funny you should say "if it ain't broke" because he has used that


expression. Also, his first marriage, she was physically abusive.


I especially like the book recommendations! Thank you!!)


Julie

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
You are most welcome. Evidently it was his bad experiences that have given him fear. Hopefully he will get over it.

God bless you.

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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