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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I am going through a divorce, and a good friend from college

Customer Question

I am going through a divorce, and a good friend from college contaced men and with perfect timing, told me how much he missed me. Talking with him took my mind off the divorce.We'd chat back and forth long distance, and I loved our conversation. He definetly flirted with me, agreed to be my date to a reunion, and then topped it off with more compliments and flirtatous behavior. Then, one night I was with some strangers and we went on facebook only to find a woman showing of a gold and diamond bracelet given to her by her "true love," - my friend/ a little more than friend. We were drunk, and read him the riot act for not telling me about such a serious relationship. He didn't responed, I felt guility, so I sent out a heart -felt apology. After being ignored for a week, I shot out one more response, stating I just don't want to lose a good friend. Now he won't even be my FB friend, and will not iniate any conversation. We haven't talked for some time and it's driving me nuts that not only was my marriage over, and I had so horribly damaged relationship of someone with the potential to be dating material. Why hasn't he responded to me? Up until now, he was singing my praises everytime we talked. What can I do to fix the relationship?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear that this guy is not responding to you. He clearly has reacted in a way that doesn't allow any opportunity for him to speak with you and may have his own hang-ups about people/women telling him what he can/cannot do. And with respect to the guy, it may have come across - like you say, a bit like the riot act - and he has nothing or no reason to account for his behaviors, particularly to someone he's only recently gotten in contact with again.

You may want to give this some more time. You don't want to come across as bombarding him with emails/Facebook messages, so it may be better to give him some time to understand his own reactions to your actions and then decide what you could do.

You may have to accept that there isn't a lot you can do at this point - you've done all that you can, the ball is in his court and sitting with the helplessness can be tough and frustrating for you.

Even though it may be tough waiting it out, coming across as desperately wanting to be apologetic may just push him further away, so waiting would be the better option. Don't forget you've only recently established contact with this man and you may not know his reactions to difficult situations just yet.

You may not like what I have to say, but give it some more time, he's reacted in a hostile way by dropping all contact with you - which doesn't come across as particularly mature, but this is how some people will deal with their difficulties- by switching off and NOT dealing with it.

Give it a little more time, say another week or two and then try sending him a message via email or text that you won't bother him any further but you wanted to tell him one last time, that you really are deeply hurt that he hasn't communicated with you and that you'd hoped he would have tried to resolve this by now. Explain that you were a) a little intoxicated and your feelings got the better of you plus you were probably a little more disinhibited than if you were sober and b) you were beginning to develop feelings for him. If he wishes to talk to you, let him know where you are and give him some way of contacting you. If he hasn't contacted you within a month or two, it may be time to let it go.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi K,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and I hope you get some response from this guy one way or another.

My best,
Karin :-)

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