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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I am with a girl and have been for 4 years. The first year

Customer Question

I am with a girl and have been for 4 years. The first year was rough because of me and just getting out of a marriage recently. We had the next 2 as great then somethings happened with my job and she lost confidence in me to provide. Since then it has been rough and we were OK but distant. She recently found out her company she works for is being bought out and she will keep her job but the stress of change has really hit her. She gave on on us being fixed to a point to concentrate on her anxiety with work. About this time she started running again to relive her stress and found some friends from highschool she hasn't talked to in ages and now they are not stop. They always talk when she is gone and she goes every night for 2-5 hours. problems he is a guy who is going through a divorce. Albeit in another state. But still they talk 2-3 times a day. She is distant with me and says the time she talks to her friends she is able to escape all that is going on. I want to work on us but right now she doesn't and I don't know what to do. She says she still loves me but she is not willing to try an the moment. This is causing stress between us which is making it worse. I know I've screwed up before by not making her feel appreciated. I just dont know what to do
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 3 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing these difficulties with your girlfriend. She seems to not be coping in the way that you or I might expect, instead she is finding solace in other people and ways that she knows may jeopardize her relationship with you, yet this isn't stopping her from doing these things and acting this way.

You are doing all the right things - I wanted to reassure you of this, you really do sound as though you're trying hard to make things right and good for her. However, she's not appreciating nor seeing this at all. Strategies you might need to adopt is to be straight and direct with her, she needs to not treat you as the 'bad' guy. You may have your faults - but all relationships go through ups and downs.

Change can cause all sorts of turmoil so her reaction is expected but she's blocking you out, yet you've both been through so much already that surely this relationship would be worth fighting for? You've both survived it this far?

Suggestions to try and communicate with her may mean being quite assertive and to not keep putting yourself down. She needs to feel a level of authority and certainty from you - perhaps this is what is needed. She needs to feel that you care enough about yourself and also that you won't tolerate her pushing your feelings aside and that it is disrespectful of her and very dismissive of her to treat you this way by talking to male friends for hours on end and spending more and more time away rather than confronting the issues and sitting down and working through them - one by one.

Another option might be for the both of you to consider couple counseling - with an aim perhaps to communicate more effectively and to understand why she seems to have given up on you both. Here's a link if you'd like to check it out, you will find counselors who are specially trained to work with couples:

USA therapists website: http://www.psychologytoday.com/
Another website where you can search for counselors: http://www.nbcc.org/counselorfind

My best to you as I truly hope she can see that this is worth fighting for.
I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

I wondered whether you've had a chance to read my response to you. Are you happy with my response so far? I have been thinking about your situation and if I can help any further, please don't hesitate to come back to me.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

With my very best wishes,
Karin

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