I appreciate your wisdom and your time. I understand that the best and most efficient way is to part ways, and possibly the same result by keeping my integrity and letting him push me away. I'm mostly like to choose the latter as my option.
But in the meantime, I want to try my best to work things out and help him grow.
It took me about 2-3 hard years to really come in terms with it and see constructive ways to fix my old habits. I still try everyday. But I didn't come to the revelation alone, and I had books, internet, counselors, people who went through difficulties to help me understand my shortcomings. I want to give him my best efforts until he ends it.
I forgot to point out that we are very young couple. I am 24 years old and he is 23. He also have gotten a lot better with other shortcomings in the past, and he recognizes and constantly tries hard. So I can see that he can be introspective and can definitely get better.
But it is this particular issue that i can't get through him. I'm not sure if he understands me at all or if he is in denial deep down. They might not make a difference, but what I want to hear from you is ways I can help him recognize and change.
I understand that will is the vital factor in personal growth, but what do you do as a counselor when people from similar background come to you? How do you help them see their shortcomings and work/tackle those issues?
I wish you both great success.
Thank you. I will def look at the books you suggested. I have just one last question. When you say he has DPD, I looked up, and while some are true, others are not true. He does show lack of self-confidence (or over compensating confidence), issues of autonomy versus dependency, passive aggressive manipulation, and denial of a problem. But he is not naive, fantasizing, submissive, or wants me/others to make a choice for him. Are you sure he has DPD? or does DPD vary in degree in people?
I'd love to take your suggestions and read those books, but I just want to make sure I give you as much of a picture I can. Thank you! after this answer, I will rate your reply. Thank you.
Diagnostic criteria for 301.6 Dependent Personality Disorder
(DSM IV - TR)
A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others
(2) needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life
(3) has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.
(4) has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)
(5) goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant
(6) feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself
(7) urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends
(8) is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself