HI, Dr. no I do not think there is any other reason ,however Itold the sociual worker that he wrote me a nasty letter 9 years ago when he did same thing and stated thing I did when he was a kid , all of the things he stated I felt were trivial. Yes, the last time he did this , it was 9 months he avoided me. This time it is 17 months.The social worker says she feels he never bonded with me as I worked all the time and she feels he will never come back to me ,so I am through with her as I am 70, and do not need this negativity.
When we got back together the last time , neither of us mentioned those things from the nasty letter. I did not want to mention them as he has a quick temper, and I did not know hoe he would react, also when he reconciled with me he wrote another letter and said he was sorry about the bad letter, where one of things he said was he was no longer my son.Also he said he loved me but I should have been there for him when he needed money. I had told him then I did not have extra money.I know one thing for sure he is VERY IMMATURE! yet I still love him
I do not know, as he had not mentioned those issues after we got back together last time and for 9 years he was wonderful to me. He always needs money when he gets fired. Iam getting the impression that all of this is my fault. He loves my brother, the only family member he really likes and m,y bro called him about 1 year ago and did not mention he knew he was mad at me and my son just said he had not talked tome for a while and needed to call me. I don' know if somone intervening could make situation worse. Do you not htink he seems immature?
I need to mention one thing in the nasty letter that I guess was not trivial, was that I had put him in a psychiatric hospital for adolescents , on advice of a social worker. He was doing terrible things, one was he and another boy started a fire at school due to smoking cigs, in 7th grade, He also broke a neighbor' s picture window. The other things he mentioned were trivia. One was I always complained I was fat, another was that my mother made shirts for him til the age of 10, and kids made fun. He was in that hospital 2 weeks and I took him out. I am wondering if you are going to respond to my last part. Some neighbors came to my door that is why I delayed in responding.
I have a question, first what do you mean be reciprocate? I know the word's meaning, but reciprocate in what way? Also, other counselors have told me if he came back before, it is likely he would come back again. Also, that bad behavior was at the ages of 12 and 13. Iwas told he has an IQ of 145. My mother and stepfather spoiled him materially and I believe that is why he demands money from me, which again is very immature. He always got money from them and they died 10 years ago and now he asks me for it. Can you give me any good advice? Also, when he was in the mental hospital,the psychiatrist never told me he had a mental illness and he had many tests and consultations.
First let me say you are bypassing my concerns. I said I was never told he had a mental illness and no matter how good you are in your profession I do not believe you are able to diagnose him sight unseen. Now how can I initiate a serious conversation when he will not talk to me?
again you bypass things. the serious trouble he got into he was a very YOUNG KID! hE was raised with no father and as I mentioned my parents spoiled him. I know of nine people, 6 mothers and 3 fathers whose kids did same thing by not talking to them, some 3 or 4 years and some more. All of these chidren were in their 20's, 30; and 40's so by your standards there are a lot of mentally ill people in this world. I am probably mentally ill also, as I will tell rude employees in store or restaurants off. in a heartbeat and also ask to see managers of these rude people.and also why would the psychiatrist not have told me of a diagnosis? You als bypassed that one.
I might also ask you, you said you were seeing a social worker who was not helping and you did not agree with the other expert here either. What help exactly are you looking for? Why do you feel the social worker is not helping you?
HI Dr, I already mentioned the thing that irritated me about the other Dr. is that he implied that my son was mentally ill. You can see what I said to him about that. The social worker feels my son did not bond with me, but I bonded with him and that is reason for his actions. Maybe I am stupid, but I thought seeing a social worker would help me feel better, but I am not and seeing her costs me money. As I said she waNTS to contact him but I am not sure it is a good idea.Every counselor I have seen gives me different idea as to reason for his behavior. Please advise. I just noticed my response to your first post is not showing here. In it I told you what I say in my letters and e-mails. I only tell him I love him and miss him and not chastise or say anything negative. I tell him life is short and he knows I have serious health issues and I want us to get along.
HI Dr. I thought you gave up on me too, upon reading your response, I see you said you guess he was spoiled along the way, I said that in my post, spoiled by my parents. I have one more question, the first time he avoided me, 9 years ago, he asked for money, ($3,000.00) and I told him I did not have my inheritance yet and he did not believe me/. a few days later he called me an d told me off, then about a week later, he wrote the nasty letter. this second time, he asked for money, I told him the inheritance money is gone and I guess he did not believe, he sounded peeved and hung up and I did not know that would be last communication with him. What do you make of these things? one more thing, my mother always said, "the only thing you need to worry about is indifference" and now my son is indifferent, the other time he was angry.I have an idea ofc something I can do, I wouild like your opinion on it. I will have to use another piost as I don't think there will be enough room here.
OK Dr.you obviously missed one of my points that the first time he avoided me he told me off verbally and then wrote a nasty letter and this last time he just stopped talking and avoided me, so I did not know he was avoiding til time went on, like 2 months then I wrote first letter and no response. I never said I was "worrying" I was just quoting my mother. The point being first was anger and second time indifference.I was just wondering why he changed his modus operandi. now my idea of what to do, since I know he has always been jealous of things I do for nieces and nephews, I was thinking maybe I could put in letter that I want my niece LInda to take charge ofthings for me if I should become incapacitated, also sinc he is a computer programmer I could tell him I pay a neighbor, who is in computers to help with computer problems. What do you think?
First of all, since I feel he hates me, but I know he gets jealous, since, one time 2 or 3 years ago, he was out of work but did not ask for money, and I called him and first thing I said was "how's your cat"? and he got very upset at first and said that he was my son, and to hell with the cat. But he was not angry with me after that. until last years money episode.No one has any power of attorney right now. Also, I forgot to mention for the last 9 years before the episode now, he was VERY good to me and bought me nice gifts. Tell me honestly if you are a mother and how would you feel if your child did this to you? I am not suicidal but I really have nothing to live for. I am 70 and I really have no one now, but I know that no one cares. Trust me Dr. I am not stupid, I have a B.S. in Nursing and worked 42 years in my profession. I know enough if he were in charge of my affairs to take that away and give it to someone else would really anger him more.I will simply tell him in a letter that since he will not speak to me I will put my niece in charge of funeral.I love animals so would leave any monies to pet charity. But I would not mention money. Please respond
Hi Dr., forgive me ,I did not mean that youhad implied I was stupid, I know right now, i am way too sensitive. I am happy to hear you are also an animal lover, if it weren;t for mine I would be totally depressed. I have 4 cats, 1 dog and a horse! one thing for sure, and you also know they love you unconditionally! Now thanks to you I feel much better and I will take your advice. What kind of pets do you have? Iknow you were right , that there is no magic key for my problem, how wonderful it would be if there were! Judy
Dr. this will be the last one now, .Wow! you have 5 horses! I grew up on a farm and we also had goats, my mom milked them and I did not like the milk, although it is good for you!Yes, I woul like to keep in touch with you also, my e-mail address is : [email protected]. How old is your daughter? and I agree animals are good for children as I also grew up with them. my horse is quarter-horse, age 12, gelding named Shane.i would love to hear about your pets, also.Thank you for all your help and sorry I was such a grump.
Hi Dr. again, what do i have to do to contact you through the site? I definitely want to keep in contact with you! You are quite an accomplished equestrienne! How wonderful that you have rescues! They sound really great. Ijust recently learned to longe my horse. You are a very sweet person!