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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Live with boyfriend for almost 4 years. I havent work since

Customer Question

Live with boyfriend for almost 4 years. I haven't work since basically I met him. Lost my job. I also helped him with his tenants and moving of furniture to storage when properties were sold. Basically became dependent of him. I realized that this was also an abusive/controlling relationship. His previous relationship ended same way. Now he is asking me to leave his house and putting preassure on to give him a date. I can not afford a rent right now since I don't have a job nor savings. He did buy me a ticket to go to Lima round trip at the beginning of the month. Right before I departed asked me to move out so I had to leave my personal items at a friend house. Came back with hopes of fixing things but once again keeps asking me to leave every single day. Telling me that I was his guest here and that this was never my home. Even the housekeeper felt entitle to insult me and at the end threat me. I realized I was blind and never saw how abusive and controlling he was. I asked him to have some consideration since I was his partner for almost 4 years but he does not agree. He even wants me to go to Lima since my family lives there. I realized he was seeing some other guy when I was in Lima. I believe he always played his power because he is economically in good shape. In January I found out that the housekeeper practiced some witch craft on me and placed them in my carry on since I was going to Lima but had to cancel at last minute. Didn't placed a police report because he kept me from. For my surprise he even paid to the housekeeper for the entire month of February that she didn't work. I found it insulting to me after what she did.

Please need a guidance

Martin Mantilla
XXX-XXX-XXXX
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. It is clear that he has made his intentions of you moving out his priority and that he has made other choices for the future of his life. You mentioned your family was in Lima and that he offered to help you get there. I think your best course of action would be to go back home and stay with your family until you can get back on your feet. It seems like the only option for you at this time if you cannot afford a place of your own right now and that you need to start over. It is too bad that he has decided to treat you this way and to ignore the 4 years you have spent together, but without analyzing all of the reasons why he feels this way, he just does. It probably isn't very moral or nice of him to do, but this is obviously who he is and what he wants and unfortunately, you cannot change his mind. He does not appreciate the things you have done to help him. You should try and pick yourself up and do what you can to move on and move away. It may not be what you want to do right now, but if you look at the options in front of you, that may be your only one at this time. The future will be better for you, but for now you just have to do what you have to do first. Being around your family will help you with having a good support system as well to help you move forward. Everyone gets hurt by someone in their lives. Picking up and moving on the best way you can will help to heal this wound so you can be a stronger person going forward.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
I'm just checking in with you to make sure you got my answer and to see if you had any further questions. I did not receive any feedback from you. Please let me know if I can help you.