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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi,I have been married for 10yrs, im now having issues

Customer Question

Hi,

I have been married for 10yrs, i'm now having issues with my husband. He claims my mother is responsible for him not being successful. It has put a huge strain on our relationship. What do I do pls.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

Right now he is feeling like he failed you because you are not taking the financial load and rather than

Deardebra :

admit fault within himself he is blaming your mother.

Deardebra :

Now there is a reason why he is blaming your mother and he must feel that she had a hand in making him fail.

Deardebra :

So you both need to talk about why he feels like that, he doesn't want to be the reason why he failed in business.

Deardebra :

When you run a business you have big dreams that it will be successful and that it will bring in a lot of money. Even if you work for a business, it was his goal in life to take care of you, and be successful.

Deardebra :

But his life just changed when he failed at business and you are now taking care of him when it comes to finances.

Deardebra :

I feel that he is upset and feels really bad for what has happened. He is not dealing with what has happened he is just blaming your mother.

Deardebra :

He also need to understand that he could also be to blame, but it also might be no one fault.

Deardebra :

I want you to try positive reenforcement. Tell him that it is no ones fault that sometimes things do not work out but there is a reason, and maybe you are suppose to do something else right now. Explain too him that you never give up even if you didn't make it this time, there is always a way to try again and be successful.

Deardebra :

He doesn't want to feel like he failed so you need to reassure him that it is all going to be ok and that he should never give up on his dreams in business.

Deardebra :

I don't feel he should blame your mother because that puts you in a very awkward situation.

Deardebra :

You do not want them blaming each other and then there is tension between them because you will them be caught in the middle which you do not want. You want them both to be understanding and talk things out to solve the problem.

Deardebra :

Right now you have a strain the your marriage and he needs to see that you both need to focus on each other and loving each other. Not being upset or angry over him thinking your mom is the reason why he failed.

Deardebra :

He is very upset and is not thinking clearly so he needs to sit down and talk about how he feels about everything that has happened. I want you to listen to his side of the story and then you need to look at if you feel he is right or wrong.

Deardebra :

When he explains his side I want you to look at the situation like it is not your mother and see if you feel the same way. I feel he should understand that is your mother and that him saying these things hurts you. He needs to know that out of repeat for you he should not be saying things about your mom.

Deardebra :

He also might be looking for you to stand up for him and take his side.

Deardebra :

I feel you should not take sides at all and look at the situation and see if the problem can be solved between them.

Deardebra :

If they talk things out I feel it is the best solution.

Customer:

Thanks for your response. I'm happy with the contents which is exactly my thoughts too, but he feels i'm not taking these accusations seriously. He feels its a joke to me. To be honest, I am distraught over this issue, and i would never want to believe my mum is the reason for his misfortunes. He should just admit to his own faults and misfortunes.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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