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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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why is my fiance post poing his trip to see his daughter in

Customer Question

why is my fiance post poing his trip to see his daughter in north caroilna and he knows im at home wating on him and hes blowing his settlement before the trip and he said i cannot go with him to see his child he havnt seen in five yrs and sister asked to go and he told her no and she talked him out to not letting me go he said he was going up north to paint a bucket he bought before his trip now he just sitting up north lagging around attending to his sister needs around the house and posting
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. I'm not certain I understand the details of your question. If your boyfriend is blowing money and going on a trip without you, that does not show much respect for you. Maybe he wants some time to himself. Have you asked him what his plans are and his intentions?
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes he says he has to do this and that and hes gonna leave on this day and that day i check his account he had 9,000 in his savings yesterday now he only has 500 in there only 1,800 in his checking he said he open his child a savings account so where did the 8,500 go this trip is gonna take 5,000 and he dosent work no where and everyday he says in gone go to NC on Thursday or Friday and keep changing the days i told him i miss him dearly and hes just lagging around up there to go and get back and hes driving to NC from the bay area and he says he gonna stay two weeks with his child that he haven't seen in five yrs his sister is always telling him to go see her he hasn't book no hotel rooms and he told his baby mother don't tell his child he wants to surprise her when he goes down there every time he gets money hes at his sister house are the bay and come back broke he don't tell me much about his fiances if he care about his daughter so much and wanna see her why haven't he left yet and he knows im waiting for him at home but hes always like im helping my sister with this and that and i gotta do this for her he should be on the road and trying to get back to his fiance

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I know its hard for you to watch him do all of this, but in reality you can't do much about his decisions in this manner. He seems to be irresponsible with his time and money, but that is ultimately his choice. Unless half of the money is yours and you have a joint account where you have a say in his spending, it is tough to watch him do this, but it is his choice. If it bothers you to be with someone who makes these choices, that is another matter altogether. I would make sure he knows you love him and care for him, but his actions are confusing to you and explain to him that it upsets you that he doesn't seem too concerned about you and your feelings about all of this. Keep in communication with him and make sure that he knows how you feel. Don't hold back how you feel about this.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he dosent communicate with me hide things

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
That is a serious concern in any relationship. I think you need to consider this and how you are going to move forward in a relationship with someone who does not communicate with you and who hides things with you. This is clearly not a good relationship. You should think about how he treats you and if this is really what you want in someone. He should not act like this with you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes and he act like he cares about his child so bad but still havnt gone to see her and im his fiance and he just got us waiting on him while he just lolly gaggin in the bay

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I would be very concerned about this man. Especially if you are engaged to someone who acts like this. It will not change. You need to consider your future. Communication and honestly are the two most important foundations to any marriage and if you do not have that, I'm afraid for your future. You need to resolve these issues with him before you get married or you may be in for a stressful future.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he only act this when he get large amounts of money like his student loans from school are his fasa now his settlement and when he gets money hes goes up north to his family and blow his money and leave me behind and come back nearly broke hes always at hsi sister house when he get his money . when he dosent have alot of money hes at home and she always pumping his head up and she commited adultery in her marriage twice is it possible hes cheating

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
It doesn't matter if he "only" does it in that particular circumstance or whatever other scenario there is. No man should act that way towards someone that they truly loved. If he respected you and loved you, he couldn't stand to be away from you and would be more than eager to spend his money with you doing fun things with the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Any other type of behavior is unacceptable with someone you are engaged to.
His sister obviously has a strong influence in his life and his choices, so anything is possible. I fear for you that you are allowing this behavior and excuses for him. He does this and gets away with it because you allow him to. Why should he stop doing whatever he wants if you aren't going to do anything about it?
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you , should just move on are try couples threaphy or give him an ultimatum .

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I would always try counseling and not just throwing it all away. You both fell in love with each other for a reason and at a time when it was right. If things can be fixed, then by all means, try to fix it. If he is unwilling to change, then make your decision based on his attitude about that.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
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Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist