How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1373
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
15718554
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. about 6

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. about 6 months into our relationship he told me he was seeing another girl for about 2 years "it's just sex, I could never be with her". Yet every time he breaks up with me he runs back or she finds him...
Well, she has some serious issues and was jailed for selling her prescription drugs about 10 months ago.
Since her sentencing (1 year) we have developed into the most loving and sweet couples I could ever imagine. Just 1 thing...they write letters. She writes him long smooshy I love you letters at least once a week. he writes back. I don't know what he writes. He also paid her lawyer, sends her money, takes he calls from prison, pays 100% of her way.
When I ask him to stop leading her on, he just says that she has no one else and he wont kick her while she is down.
I have only touched on the subject lightly with him, just once putting my foot down and telling him to make the weekend calls stop. They have. he no longer gets calls when Im around but I know from the letters that they talk weekly.
I am really worried that they will go right back to sneaking around as soon as she gets out of prison in 3 months.
How do I make this stop without demanding or giving him an ultimatum?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. I'm sorry he is putting you through this. You didn't say how old this other lady is, but if she is significantly younger than him, they may have an oddly father/daughter type relationship where he feels he should support her. Regardless, there is no excuse for his behavior while in a relationship with you. If this behavior bothers you and it obviously does and should bother you, you HAVE to give him the ultimatum. He will not stop. The chances of him going right back to her when she gets out are very high and probable. Why should he stop? He has everything he wants right now, you and her. It will always be that way because he doesn't have to make a choice. You are going to have to make a decision. You need to chance losing him and give him the ultimatum to stop all contact with her, or you deal with his behavior and his sneaking around. The other thing you can do of course is to just walk away altogether. If you really are the love of his life, there is no way that he would be with another woman physically or emotionally. If you were the love of his life, he should have no issues with cutting contact with her and be with you and only you 100% of the time. You should not have to demand this, but he obviously has no desire to make that choice. So you need to figure out how much more of this are you going to take from him? You do not deserve to be treated like this at all. I think you need to keep warning him and putting your foot down and giving him that ultimatum. He should not be able to have 2 women unless that is the arrangement made by all involved. A normal relationship does not work this way and you should not be stressed out all the time wondering if he is with her or talking to her or what he is doing behind your back. That is not true love. You need to stand up and take pride in yourself and take sure he knows that he has to make the choice. If you are not ok with something on this level, you have every right to speak your mind about it. If he leaves or chooses her, then his true intentions will be shown.
You can't make this stop. He has to make this stop. He has to make the choice. You need to tell him that he has to make the choice. Think about all of your options and how much control you really have over the situation. You can't control him, you can only control yourself and how you respond to what he is doing to you and with her.
I'm glad you have told him that if it goes on much longer that you will leave him. if he takes you seriously, he should be able to see the value of your relationship over this other woman who is obviously using him for everything she can. Stay strong and stand your ground. It's all you can do.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1373
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He doesn't know that I have seen the letters.
I want to have this conversation with him without
Drama or searching for just the right thing to say.
I am afraid that the timing will be all wrong or that
I can't say what I have to say without becoming emotional
And running off track.
Is it a good idea to just tell him that I decided to take
this problem to a professional and then hand him
your printed response?
I don't think there is any reason to show him the
question. Only the answer you gave.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency