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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5516
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. It was because

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My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. It was because I was (not un purpose) neglecting her and taking her for granted. I just didn't work on the relationship and she felt like I don't love her anymore. I know my mistakes, we talked about it in depth a week after the break up and I told her we can make it work if she gives us another chance. She didn't say no, but she didn't say yes either. We had been out of contact for a month, then went for coffee and just had fun. We are now seeing each other 1-2 times per week, going out for trips, having lunch or dinner, basically just enjoying each others company. This has been going on for 3 weeks now. I'm feeling she's opening up to the idea of us getting together again, 2 days ago was the first time she asked me when will we see each other again. Before that it was always me who initiated the next 'date'. She also started to touch me, during conversation (not in a sexual way, but it's a touch, which indicates that she is comfortable near me). 2 days ago when we said goodbye, she hugged me and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.

I haven't tried to do any "moves" on her yet (kiss her, or something like that), but I think I should be trying to do this in the near future, maybe the next time we see each other? This whole period of the last 2-3 weeks reminds me totally of the time we've first met each other, having fun, flirting, teasing ... how do I know if she's feeling the same as well and would like to give it a try again? Should I make the first step or wait for her to do it?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It certainly sounds like she might be ready for more in the relationship. She is learning to trust again and sees that you are making an effort, which is probably why she reached out and gave you a hug and a kiss. This also signals that she is open to you doing the same. So you may want to try, as your first step, hugging and kissing her as she did with you. That way, you know you are not overstepping (because she did this first so she is comfortable with it) and you can see how she reacts before you go further.

If she does seem comfortable with a hug and a kiss, either try that again, maybe trying to kiss her on the mouth or try another show of affection such as touching her hair (a very intimate gesture) or putting your arm around her. The key here is to take this in steps, just like you have been doing with dating her again.

Be sure to do other things to show your affection as well. If she likes flowers, try bringing her some. Or a special (small) gift you see next time you are out on your own. Small tokens of affection can express your feelings just as deeply as a touch or kiss.

You can also show her that you care by listening to her and doing small things to help her day go easier. Call her just to tell her a joke, take her somewhere special or do something unexpected. By doing these things, she can be sure you are paying attention to her and that you care.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have been giving her a lot of attention and gestures to let her know I care about her (sent her flowers when she got really sick, brought her handpicked flowers for a dinner date). We talk constantly over text/chat/phone. I've invited her for home-cooked dinner at my place this Saturday. I just want her to feel comfortable with what's going on but at the same time I would like to escalate our connection one step further. I think she's pretty much comfortable with a hug or even a playful touch ... but I don't want to scare her off by doing something too intimate (something she isn't ready for yet).

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Then it's a good idea to start with a hug and kiss then if she reacts well, try to take a small step to more intimacy. Each small step will let you know how she feels. You can also tell her that anytime she feels the need to back off, you are ok with it.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5516
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Can I help you any further?

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi, thank you for being so considerate and supportive. She came over to my place 2 days ago. We had a great time, laughed a lot, then when the evening was very late, she started talking about us ... and that she's been thinking a lot about it and she wants to give us another chance. Then she asked me to kiss her. She slept over (we didn't have sex, just kissed and cuddled a lot) and we also spent yesterday together, went for a short trip, had fun. She said she wants to take it real slow and she needs to rebuild the trust even more, but I think this is going into the right direction.

I just need to be showing her the same things I have for the last couple of weeks, stay supportive and show & tell her how much I care for her, right?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
That sounds like the perfect way to respond.

I hope it works out!

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5516
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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