How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife and I are currently seeing a therapist. My problem

This answer was rated:

My wife and I are currently seeing a therapist. My problem is that she seems to not want to accept her role in our difficulties. She realizes that she does something wrong but doesn't realize the impact it has. Also, she is a chronic liar with what our current therapist believes is a fantasy type life. She says this because my wife's lies mostly include the rich and famous or relatives/businesses with multimillion dollars. The other times she is just making up stuff for the heck of it. I am not even sure why she tells those lies. This I think is our biggest problem because it has created a huge trust issue. I am not saying by any means that I am without fault. Right now she moved all of her stuff out of the house. Most people are saying to move on. I want to make it work but I am just not sure how feasible it is? Do you have any input?

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

She has created a life that is non existing because that is the life she sees herself in.

Deardebra :

She wants to live this life that she is unable to live so she makes up the life that she does not have and people do some times do this.

Deardebra :

People like to brag of be something they are not.

Deardebra :

They feel that people will look at them different and give them the kind of attention they need.

Deardebra :

People often tell small lies to make themselves look good in front of others, but it seems that she is starting to believe the lies she tells.

Deardebra :

She does not realize the effect it has on your lives because she feels like she is just telling a few imaginary lies that she feels will not hurt no one.

Deardebra :

But since her lying is becoming more it is effecting your lives.

Deardebra :

So you need to show her what her lies do.

Deardebra :

You need to explain too her the impact that it is having on your relationship. I feel the only way that she will understand is to show her and explain the trickling effect it has on your lives.

Deardebra :

Some times people think the lie is better than the truth, even though the lie is worse then the truth, but they can't see to understand.

Deardebra :

Some people escalate the truth because they feel that the truth seems worse, so they over exaggerate the strory making it sound more believable they think, but it is not.

Deardebra :

You need to explain too her that the lie is worse and that telling you the truth is what builds trust in a relationship.

Deardebra :

I do not feel you should get over her and move on. You can not listen to most people because this is your life and when you love someone you have to make the best choice for your life.

Deardebra :

It is important that you make this decision on your own. There are only two people in a relationship when it comes to love. You both have to work this out. People are always going to tell you certain things about your relationship. You can listen and get others advice but you have to do what is in your heart.

Deardebra :

The mind tends to cloud people's judgement about how they really feel about someone.

Deardebra :

The reason why is people tend to over think the situation when it comes to love. People wonder if the person loves them, wants to work things out, they become afraid to contact the person they love because they feel space is the best answer.

Deardebra :

But it is not you need to do what your heart is telling you.

Deardebra :

You said too me you want to make it work, then that is the answer. Do not put everything in front of you and think it might not work because of course it can work.

Deardebra :

You need to stay positive. Now she has moved her things out. Now it is time to get her back.

Deardebra :

What you want to do is start out just like you did when the relationship first started.

Deardebra :

I want you to think about the very first time you feel in love, I also want you to recreate your very first date with her. You both need to get back to how things once was in your life before all this got in the way.

Deardebra :

I want you both just for one night put everything aside and just find that love for each other.

Deardebra :

You both need a new beginning together.

Deardebra :

You both know what the problems are in the relationship. So you both can work on them together. It is not worth separating because the problems are still there.

Deardebra :

You need to both work together as one to solve these problems, but in the process you need to reconnect.

Deardebra :

People some times comes back even stronger in their relationships and fall more deeply in love with each other once they find solutions to their problems.

Deardebra :

You you both take the time and listen to one another and find solutions.

Deardebra :

Tell her right out I want to make this work.

Deardebra :

Tell her you love her and you can not imagine your life without her.

Deardebra :

You both love each other I can see this relationship working.

Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions