How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1826
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife and I are currently seeing a therapist. My problem

Resolved Question:

My wife and I are currently seeing a therapist. My problem is that she seems to not want to accept her role in our difficulties. She realizes that she does something wrong but doesn't realize the impact it has. Also, she is a chronic liar with what our current therapist believes is a fantasy type life. She says this because my wife's lies mostly include the rich and famous or relatives/businesses with multimillion dollars. The other times she is just making up stuff for the heck of it. I am not even sure why she tells those lies. This I think is our biggest problem because it has created a huge trust issue. I am not saying by any means that I am without fault. Right now she moved all of her stuff out of the house. Most people are saying to move on. I want to make it work but I am just not sure how feasible it is? Do you have any input?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

She has created a life that is non existing because that is the life she sees herself in.

Deardebra :

She wants to live this life that she is unable to live so she makes up the life that she does not have and people do some times do this.

Deardebra :

People like to brag of be something they are not.

Deardebra :

They feel that people will look at them different and give them the kind of attention they need.

Deardebra :

People often tell small lies to make themselves look good in front of others, but it seems that she is starting to believe the lies she tells.

Deardebra :

She does not realize the effect it has on your lives because she feels like she is just telling a few imaginary lies that she feels will not hurt no one.

Deardebra :

But since her lying is becoming more it is effecting your lives.

Deardebra :

So you need to show her what her lies do.

Deardebra :

You need to explain too her the impact that it is having on your relationship. I feel the only way that she will understand is to show her and explain the trickling effect it has on your lives.

Deardebra :

Some times people think the lie is better than the truth, even though the lie is worse then the truth, but they can't see to understand.

Deardebra :

Some people escalate the truth because they feel that the truth seems worse, so they over exaggerate the strory making it sound more believable they think, but it is not.

Deardebra :

You need to explain too her that the lie is worse and that telling you the truth is what builds trust in a relationship.

Deardebra :

I do not feel you should get over her and move on. You can not listen to most people because this is your life and when you love someone you have to make the best choice for your life.

Deardebra :

It is important that you make this decision on your own. There are only two people in a relationship when it comes to love. You both have to work this out. People are always going to tell you certain things about your relationship. You can listen and get others advice but you have to do what is in your heart.

Deardebra :

The mind tends to cloud people's judgement about how they really feel about someone.

Deardebra :

The reason why is people tend to over think the situation when it comes to love. People wonder if the person loves them, wants to work things out, they become afraid to contact the person they love because they feel space is the best answer.

Deardebra :

But it is not you need to do what your heart is telling you.

Deardebra :

You said too me you want to make it work, then that is the answer. Do not put everything in front of you and think it might not work because of course it can work.

Deardebra :

You need to stay positive. Now she has moved her things out. Now it is time to get her back.

Deardebra :

What you want to do is start out just like you did when the relationship first started.

Deardebra :

I want you to think about the very first time you feel in love, I also want you to recreate your very first date with her. You both need to get back to how things once was in your life before all this got in the way.

Deardebra :

I want you both just for one night put everything aside and just find that love for each other.

Deardebra :

You both need a new beginning together.

Deardebra :

You both know what the problems are in the relationship. So you both can work on them together. It is not worth separating because the problems are still there.

Deardebra :

You need to both work together as one to solve these problems, but in the process you need to reconnect.

Deardebra :

People some times comes back even stronger in their relationships and fall more deeply in love with each other once they find solutions to their problems.

Deardebra :

You you both take the time and listen to one another and find solutions.

Deardebra :

Tell her right out I want to make this work.

Deardebra :

Tell her you love her and you can not imagine your life without her.

Deardebra :

You both love each other I can see this relationship working.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1826
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency