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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am considering proposing to my ex whom I was going with for

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I am considering proposing to my ex whom I was going with for close to 2-3/4 years. About a month ago she dumped me over a fight concerning an argument that we were not growing together anymore and that she could not be in the relationship any longer. Should I propose or rethink this thing, we were both married once and we both did and I feel still love one another. She always said that the door would stay open. But I'm not sure she will accept.
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Dear friend,

Your ex told you that she is keeping the door open and that is a good sign. However, you must approach that door very cautiously and because you cross the threshold, you must show her a sign that you are growing together.

You may suggest to her that you both go to seem a marriage and family therapist who can help you iron out your differences and learn to communicate better. THIS is the way to grow together and she will see that you are trying.

If you can spend a few months learning to get along then you will get back together as a result of changing the situation for the better.

I wish you great perseverance and wisdom to succeed in healing this relationship, and to that end I shall keep you in my prayersl

Warm regards,
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi and thank you for your response. I should have also told you that we are in a rather long distance relationship of 80 plus miles between us so some logistical issues of casualness of proximity do not exist. I actually did try to ask her to go to couples counseling several weeks before we broke up when I felt things were going down the wrong path, she thought about it then hesitated and told me that she wanted to get thearapy on her own and that i should do the same. Since then she has began solo thearpy and I have also began to seek a professional advice from a thearpist. However, I am seriously afraid that the more time that goes by that my chance of ever reviving this relationship will dwindle even further. She confirmed to me that our breakup was not over another man but also said she would not sit at home by herself either and was going to date again. I feel that i need to act but I fear this may close the door forever on us if she does not accept. I am in a catch 22 and feel desperate but with little choice if Im going to ever know.

Dear Jon,

You must take things slowly and court her with patience and humor. If you push this, then she will further distance herself. Your current situation is not very hopeful. If you are appropriately persistent and make your contacts with her pleasant, and without discussion of the future, then you can possibly extend this relationship into the future. If you go too fast, then she will be lost.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

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