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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, Ive a confusing, tedious dilemma on my hands. Confusing

Customer Question

Hello,

I've a confusing, tedious dilemma on my hands. Confusing because I'm dealing with a man who hasn't given a definite sign of interest and tedious because we work together. I'll give it some context:

Began a new job approx. one year ago. Very small company so interactions with each employee are not uncommon. I picked up on only one person who seemed a bit antisocial. For some reason I felt it my duty to break the ice with him. To save space I'll refer to him as "J" from here. J had not many reasons to interact with me or come to my desk at the bldg. entrance. Around my second month, he was lounging near me in front our TV. At this point, approaching him was of a purely professional motive. I had no interest in him yet. One day, I approach him at the TV and we joke about a program about donuts on the Food Network. I say that the food is my only weakness. The next morning, he brushes past me with a grumbled hello, but with a box of donuts in his hand! No mention of the donuts to me until a while later when a different coworker mentions they are in the lunch room. Now, no other coworkers were around when we were in front of the TV the day before. I certainly was puzzled by him doing this, but didn't pay too much attention until I asked my boss a few days later. He said he never told him to bring them in and that J never brings anything in to share. Hmm...

About a month passes and our interactions crawl along. No flirting on either end. I'm hesitant because I've yet to figure out his status. Our mgr. randomly asked if I had weekend plans and assumed I'd be with my boyfriend. I said I had no man, but three dates planned. He was surprised I was single and said I should throw J into the mix of dates. I felt awkward because J was also in the room. J responded that he'd be skiing that weekend and my mgr. put J on the spot and invited me along. J said sure, come on up! Obviously, I didn't take that as a serious invitation. J and I had another brief chat not long after that about upcoming holiday plans. I said I was looking forward to a favorite singer coming to town for a show. Judging by J's style and what he'd sing around the office, this singer couldn't be further from his musical taste.

Anyway, I'd had car trouble and would need rides to and from work for a couple days. Mgr. nominated J to do it. J picks me up in the AM and his iPod is playing. Rap song comes on, finishes, and I thought I was hearing things but the singer that I'd mentioned to him previously comes on! Now, I'd started to ease into a crush on him and was so overwhelmed hearing this song that I couldn't say anything. I pretended I wasn't listening over our chatting! We got to work and my mgr. comes to my desk and asks how my date with J went. I was slightly annoyed. I said 'Date?!?!' And he said that he was just joking and to relax. I brushed off yet another incident that I was associating with an imaginary perceived interest from him. I had no real proof that he was interested in me at all.

I noticed that he started to come by my desk more often to chat and a particular conversation had become pretty in depth and just when I think we're forming some kind of bond, BAM! He dropped the girlfriend bomb. It was most likely known around the office that I was single, but I'd still not up until that very moment known his status. I admit it knocked the wind out of me a bit because I'd already imagined us seeing each other outside of work. I'd brought up traveling and moving around a lot since I'm a transplant here and he's grown up here. That's how his gf came up in the first place. He said she had been looking into a job transfer more than a few hours away and he'd have to see what happened. I never ask him about her, she just will be mentioned briefly if she pertains to our chats. I noticed that he never inquired about my love life, but my mgr. does which had me thinking he was a liaison between us. My mgr. would start asking me my weekend plans more often.

Couple months go by and the chats between J and I have become more frequent that he actually sits down in front of my desk now and thinks nothing of letting 30 mins. go by. He has gotten much more relaxed, friendlier, comfortable, and funnier. Also, much nicer. He struck me as a bit of a grouch that didn't like doing favors for anyone, but if I'd ask, he'd do things for me. He began to, without fail, ask me every Friday if I had weekend plans and every Monday what is done over the weekend. I noticed he was dressing a little nicer and that cologne had become an addition. Mind you, I'm the sole female working here. I've known guys to do these sorts of things when trying to impress.

I noticed that I'd say things and he'd begin to use the exact same words I'd used when talking about other topics. Also, when I'd talk about something I had planned or about something I was really into, he'd begin to talk about those exact same things! Is he interested or am I going crazy?!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

It seems that this man has become very enamored of you, and I believe that his girlfriend may be fading into the physical or emotional distance.

I do not understand why your manger/boss is so interested in fixing you up with him, but perhaps he sees a commonality there, or perhaps J has confided in him that he would like to get to know you better and the manager is just trying to give him a boost.

His body language should be telling you all that you need to know. J may be a bit awkward or shy, but is is telling you in so many ways that he is very interested in you in a romantic sense.

You may have to make the first (subtle) move but you seem to have the wherewithal to do it.

I wish you great fortune in this unfolding adventure. I hope it brings you joy and fulfillment.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Elliott! Thank you! 

Although, I'm afraid there was more to add that I could not fit into the question box, sadly. I feel that I had to really condense certain parts and withhold details to give you as much of the picture as I could, so I'll try my best to continue and hopefully I won't confuse you. 

There was on instance that J had gotten into a kind of fake argument with the boss above our mgr. in front of me. They've worked together for a while, so I knew  J was being difficult with head boss because they get a kick out of that sort of thing. Head boss walks away and J says that he's normally not like this. I asked what he's really like and he says one would have to get him outside of work to see that. He also randomly says that he has certain casual clothes for work but he never wears his nicer things. Was this his way of trying to get me to ask him out? Why did he bring up his clothing? 

I know that he lives far from me but has brought on more than a couple occasions a certain venue that's up the street from where live. He follows that with the fact that he has yet to go there. Was he trying to have me ask him to go there with me? Sometimes I feel like I may miss clues and then miss an opportunity to do something about it!

We had been talking about a film that was playing in the theaters and I mentioned that I'd just seen it. He then asked if I'd seen any good movie trailers recently. I felt I may have missed another opportunity that maybe he was wanting to ask me to see a movie with him but I don't know. While I had been becoming more into him, the fact that he had a gf stopped me from ever asking him to hang out. He would come by my desk and throw a few pieces of candy at me some times, but I'd think oh, he's got a gf and just being friendly.

I'd known that my hiatus from this job was fast approaching and that I was running out of time. it's about a 2 month break due to the industry I work in and I knew I wouldn't see him for that time away. He'd had my # XXXXX he'd given me rides to/from work. On my last day, I couldn't believe nothing had happened but I said goodbye. I knew I'd be back soon, but texted him later on that I'd miss him the most and that I was sad I really didn't get to properly say goodby to all. He said don't think of it as goodbye, but as a "see you away from work for a few beers or SOMETHING." I couldn't believe he had finally asked me. I replied "of course, why didn't you say so?!" he said he couldn't "tonight, but some other time." I replied simply "ok, bye!" because I was getting ready to hear out for the night and didn't have time to continue the texting. Well, I have not heard from him in one month. Part of me thinks I ruined it by not asking him when or where but why'd he ask me if he didn't seriously have something in mind? I felt maybe he didn't care enough and that if I'd never texted him after my last work day that he would have never even asked me to get a beer with him at all. And what did he mean by the something part? Oh god, is this too late?! Can I or should I do anything at this point? Should I contact him despite my guilt over his current relationship? Thanks!
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

It seems unusual that neither of you made any firm dates. You were more direct than him, in the account you told, but he always procrastinated. He has never acted in good faith or with mature confidence to ask you out.

It could very well be that the two of you are similar in not wanting to make the first move. Perhaps he was giving you hints but you were not acting on them.

If you want to see him, then call him and tell him that you would like to take him out to dinner (or make dinner for him). Have several venues ready to suggest, including the place near his house.

Make a firm commitment on a date, if he accepts. If he is wishy washy or unwilling to commit to a date and place, then tell him flat out that you thought he might be interested, but if not tell him that you tried and now understand that he is not interested. Wish him well, and forget about him..

I believe that is people are interested in each other then they have to make a good faith effort. If they cannot do it to start, they probably will be unable to invest the energy and commitment it takes to keep a relationship going.

I wish you the courage of your convictions, and hope that it leads to success.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Elliott, sorry for my delay! I have had to take care of some things and it had slipped my mind to return here. I truly appreciate the reply as it led me to take a step forward.

I decided to text J late one evening approx. 3 weeks ago and ask him about meeting up for as he had previously offered: "a beer or something." He replied immediately that he'd be up for it any other day he wasn't at a sporting event. I realized after I had texted him that I made a silly mistake of mixing up a couple dates on my calendar. It was around midweek when I asked him and figured end of the week would be good but instead asked if he'd be ok with about a week from now. He said sure, just give him a heads up. So, got back to him Monday of the following week to invite him out after work on Wednesday with a time/ place in mind. He replied to remind him what the place was. I reminded him. Now, keep in mind he never said yes or no at that point in our conversation and I had a list of appointments to complete so I just left it at that, obviously disappointed in his lack of RSVP.

Tuesday comes still with no word from him and while I realize it's up to him to make a decision, I felt I needed to know of he was joining me so I could plan the rest of my week. So I text him to please let me know so I can plan my week. He replies immediately in a panic. "wait! Did I miss something?! Thought we were grabbing a beer on Wednesday?!" I was stunned! I explained I had no idea if he was/wasn't coming because he had never told me. I was relieved at that point, but still a little confused.

Wednesday comes and I tell him to let me know when he's left work and I'll head over to meet him. I arrived first and waited for him at a table. He comes in and sits down. He asked why I didn't sit at the bar and I said I hoped he didn't mind if I order food because I was hungry. Ok. There's a tiny bit of nervousness from both of us. It's about 5:30 and he mentions he has to head to a baseball game after which starts at 7, but he can get there late he assures me. He says "'yeah, my gf called me last week and asked if I was doing anything tonight (game) and I said oh nothing. Not that I forgot about our thing.'" I began to wonder if he even mentioned this to her. Not that we were doing anything beyond a friendly meetup but still! He referenced many interests of mine that we'd discussed at work and how I was doing since being on hiatus from the job. Conversation flowed pretty naturally like it usually does between us, never entering serious territory. I did notice that he brought out his phone at least a few times to text and it bothered me slightly but I pretended not to notice. I ordered food and I ended up sharing it with him. Things never got flirtatious at all because of his gf and he brought her up mentioning him, her, and some family went to eat somewhere. I didnt ask him about her at and maybe I should have but just didnt seem to flow with the conversation. We'd finished eating, split the check, and he went to the restroom so I figured he had to get going to the game soon. He came back and said "'ready?'" We walked out to the parking lot and he said thanks for the beer and that we'd have to do this again sometime while leaning in for a hug. I said "'yeah, give me a call.'" Maybe that wasn't enthusiastic enough but I was slightly confused about what had just happened and maybe a little on cloud nine as well.

About ten minutes later I get a text from him that he wasn't the last one to arrive at the game. I wasn't home yet so I texted him about 30 minutes late. I was amazed at how quickly he was responding considering he was at a baseball game with his gf and friends. Then again, it seems like he would respond to a text in any situation. We texted for about 45 minutes that evening about a funny story I'd brought up earlier.

It's been two weeks since and I have not heard from him. I'm upset with myself for not going out on a limb more in terms of my feelings that night, but his having to leave soon after and mentioning his gf caused me to stay put. I don't know if he will get back in touch and I feel like I may have blown my chance. Or was that night too soon to tell him how I feel? Is this whole thing stuck? Did it die that night? Please, Elliott, can I even do anything now or is the proverbial ball in his court?

Thanks ;)
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

It seems as if J is not a man of action. If the ball is in his court he might not even know it.

His first commitment, it seems, is to his girlfriend. Even if they are having trouble with their relationship, he will still run to her, and talk about her and even (assumedly) text her while he is out on a date with another woman.

If he was really interested in you he would have welcomed sitting at the table rather then questioning why you weren't sitting at the bar.

The "relationship" did not die that night. You were absolutely and perfectly appropriate in all of your responses.

He was not. Texting was a bit rude. I doubt if his girlfiend knew that he was out with you. Most women would not accept that from their boyfriends.

I suggest that you continue as before, and see if things will change, but it does not look as if a great romance is unfolding at this moment.

I hope I have been helping you and wish you great success. Please let me know. I would very much appreciate positive feedback for my efforts.

I shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you, Elliott! You have been wonderful in deconstructing this and allowing me to see maybe what I didn't want to see.

I think I hold back because I wait to see if he offers up any signs of their relationship ending. I'd never try to "steal" someone's boyfriend, yet I absolutely cannot control who I become attracted to at any given moment. I think being coworkers only complicated and grew my feelings for him simply based on time spent in the same environment. Sure, I can suppress it and try to ignore it, but the fact that those feelings even exist in the first place is beyond my control. I guess my biggest disappointment is that I felt somewhat confident that it may have been mutual and he either chose not to acknowledge it or is hoping to have his cake and eat it too, which is only speculation. I'm not that kind of woman at all. I thought my reaching out to him after his noncommittal invite would give him a clue that seeing him at work wasn't enough. I don't know how much more I can give him without disrespecting his relationship and my self worth.

I don't know if I'll be returning to that job in a few weeks, so that means seeing him in an involuntary way is doubtful-unless he extends any sort of invite. Or if I wanted to see him that means I extend an invite. I don't know if I feel comfortable initiating the second time as it seems desperate. Is it his turn now if he wants to meet up?

I know you said let things continue on, but I'm getting a sense that if I don't give him any type of sign or extended hand that he takes that as disinterest or indifference on my part. Am I now at the point where I just tell him how I feel and walk away? I'd never dream of issuing an ultimatum. Not even a little bit! Maybe tell him that if he ever found himself single to get in touch? Is that crossing the line? I feel like I've been trying my absolute best to behave in the most respectful way that I know, but sometimes I feel like people are worth putting up a little "fight" for. Alright, well this seems pretty well exhausted as far as information goes, so I'd appreciate some final words and then I'd love to rate this! (my apologies for not getting to that part, but I wanted to see if I had any other concerns.)

Thank you so much again!
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I appreciate your thoroughness, your ethical concerns, and your emotional needs as well.

I agree that a person should go after their goals. He has already shown some interest in you and he has had a "date" with you of sorts, and probably not one his gf knows about.

He may be coming to the end of this other relationship but may need someone else to hang onto.

You are not a stranger and have become someone of some value in his life.

Give him more encouragement. If he is happy with his relationship than all the enticement in the world will not move him, but if he is thinking about changing direction in his romantic life, and he likes you, then some more encouragement from you may be exactly what you need.

Strike while the iron is hot. Tell him how much you enjoyed your recent get-together and ask him is he is busy in the next few days and would like to get together again.

If he is interested he will find a time.

That is all you can do. You don't have to lay out all your cards. Your asking will be enough. His accepting or not accepting (ask for a rain check) will be enough of a reply.

That way you can put your point across and save face if the answer is negative.

I wish you the positive, of course, and will keep that in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Elliott, precisely what I needed to hear! I can't thank you enough for the sincere guidance. If I have any positive updates, I'd love to share with you if that's alright.

Sincerely, XXXXX
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I'd love to hear your updates. May God bless and protect you.

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Elliott,I believe I may now have an answer of some sort on his feeling toward me. I had texted him about 2.5 weeks after our meetup to see if he wanted to get together again. He replied that it was going to be a short week since he was going out of town with his "boss" as he referred to her. He offered no alternative date or time and neither did I after he mentioned this trip. At first I was under the impression he meant his actual boss, not the gf. I joked that he was the busy one since he always told me I'm so busy. He replied: "what can I say? She makes the calls." Of course, in the moment I wasn't quite sure how to interpret that, but after I think I finally realized that he may not be interested as I once thought him to be. What do you say?It also looks like I'm going back to work at the same place and I'm feeling a bit awkward about it. I went in to my old office not long after I texted him to get an idea of when exactly I'd be starting again from my boss. I knew I'd see J there and was feeling nervous. It was a slightly awkward hello and I didn't bring up hanging out with him. I went and had a meeting with my boss to catch up for a couple of hours. J came by before he left to say goodbye to my boss and I. I was watching a video on my boss's phone when J came in and I stopped to look up and listen to him. He slightly snapped at me to continue watching the video--like he didnt want me looking at him or something. I was a bit stunned and confused to say the least. What was with his attitude toward me? He left after that, but now I don't know how to act around him anymore. Why was he acting that way? And did my asking him to hang out again cause this?Thanks!
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Hello Elliott,

Glad to find you're still here. It has been almost one year since I received advice from you. Time really does fly and, sadly, I can't believe I allowed myself to remain stuck in the same emotional head space as last year. In addition to my romantic dilemma, I'm in multiple other depressing scenarios, but I'll keep with this particular problem. I have asked this new question where we left off so it could serve as a refresher.

I'll try my best to condense the past years interactions with J. After my two month hiatus period from my job, I returned reluctantly as I could not find a different job to transition into. It was an awkward 1st month back-not dissimilar to when you return from summer vacation to school and are trying to gain bearing again. J wasn't really speaking to me for that first month and I toiled over why this was happening.

Little backstory: head boss (owner) and his best friend (mgr.) of 25+ years have worked together at this business for that long. J (from what I've gathered) has worked here on and off for around 15 years. The other employees have also worked here for many years as well, so there is much history here between these people. I'd assume they know each other pretty well. Now, the owner had always been extremely friendly to me and we had gotten together a few times when I started working there as I thought he could become a valuable mentor to me about our industry. He's twice my age (I'm 30). As time went on, I started to get the impression his feeling toward me was not only professional and I had to put an end to our get togethers. It hurt me that I thought I lost a more mature friend who has valuable advice about this business, but I knew any interaction outside of work from that point on would give him the idea I was looking for a romantic connection, which I was most definitely not. I understand some may say "oh, you should never go out with a guy as he assumes it to be more than friendly" but I guess I didn't see his intentions until I started to piece together things he'd say to me or the way he'd look at me or try to have physical contact like touching my shoulder or arm. So, I had to tell him before I came back to work that I wanted to keep things professional as he questioned me where I was all summer and why I didn't call or stop by the office. Well, I got very sick and explained that to him but now I know he's a very immature man who I've learned has multiple girlfriends. Thats his prerogative, but now I believe he was trying to add me to his list. I've since learned from a very loudmouthed client that our mgr. (40's married with kids) has a girlfriend as well and she is someone that does business with us. I was shocked to say the least, but not surprised considering I know their personalities a little better now. I had to report the mgr. to my boss early on in my employment for making me feel uncomfortable with his staring and stories and comments of a sexual nature. That had soon passed with no more instances, but I was a bit unsettled considering I work with all men, and have no one I confide in to about any interactions between me and other coworkers there. I feel it important to note that I don't dress or speak provocatively in any way which had me confused as to why these two men would approach me in the way that they did. Also, it seems the owner and J have some sort of friendship outside of work, but I get the impression J doesn't always welcome it from things he's said. I have another coworker-I'll refer to him as K- who is old enough to be my father and has treated our relationship as such. He's always checking up on me and giving spiritual guidance some times. I found it odd that during my first few months, K asked me what I thought about J. Now, I later found out from my boss that K and J had an unresolved issue with one another. They don't go beyond being civil with one another. I've definitely sensed some tension between the two. It seems owner, mgr., and J operate mostly as a unit with K being someone left out due to their greatly differing senses of humor and what's considered/not considered to be appropriate for work behavior. J has always conducted himself well when I'm around, which I greatly appreciate but it seems the owner likes to get him and the mgr. to band together and have immature, inappropriate conversations whether I'm present or not. (I know, if I could leave this job I would, but it's been so hard with my health as well!) I've noticed J become visibly uncomfortable if he knows I can overhear and he'll say something like "ok, let's just stop this conversation right now." So, I started to agonize that in some sick, twisted way, my mgr. was simply trying to get J a little side action with me, considering him and the owner are both doing the same to their significant others. As far as the owner, I believe he became jealous of seeing J interact with me and would make snide comments: "why don't you ask J to do it," or "oh, you like everyone except for J, right?" He's not been as friendly since I had to limit our interaction to work only. He sees J chatting with me at my desk and he immediately pulls him away. It's all very bizarre dealing with such childish men, but I'll continue on with just J now.

It took us a bit of time to get back to interacting like before my hiatus, but I was patient. I can tell when he needs his space so I respect that. Also, after my failed attempt to have a second get together last summer, I took that as disinterest. I figured if he wanted to chat I'd be open, but he had to come to me. I wasn't going to be seeking him out and making myself look like a fool. Things got better and before I knew it, he was coming to find me at my desk exclusively, almost daily. I work part-time, so I see him MWF, sometimes the occasional half day on Thursdays. I sit at my desk by the front door, so I greet him every morning I'm there. He'll usually walk by quickly, set himself up in his work area in the back, then come to sit at my desk. It was like clockwork. K works in the front with me and has been circling when J is at my desk. He later randomly mentioned that J likes sitting up at my desk. It confuses me, because I know they don't really talk that much due to their underlying tension, so I wasn't sure why he would bring him up at all. K, one day, as we were talking about the modern relationship, says, "yeah, I don't think J could support a wife and kids." What? The randomness of that really threw me off. Mind you, I have never admitted my feelings for J to anyone, so maybe people are assuming something's going on considering he's constantly chatting at my desk. I had also become aware of J dressing nicer and not wearing hats like he normally does. I made a comment to him one day when he wasn't dressed up, "you're dressed down today. You looked really nice last week." He, sitting at my desk, replies with a huge grin on his face " thank you, I didn't have any clean clothes, blah blah blah," for the next five minutes explaining why he was dressed nicer each day the previous week. It was cute. I definitely was feeling increasingly attracted to him as the days went by and knew knowingly I was only setting myself up for heartbreak. Some mornings, he'd think nothing of chatting with me for 30 minutes! He'd always ask what I did over the weekend and would randomly mention his gf occasionally.

The conversations hadn't changed much from last year. He remembers all of my interests that I shared with him. He knows I love going to the beach on weekends and he's vocalized his distaste for the beach. One day, he randomly asks me "hey, have you heard of (blank) restaurant in (blank) beach?" I said no I hadn't been there and he says "you should try it some time." Again, what? Why? I'll just list instances from here:

-I had said I go to this art event downtown that's held once a month. He said that really didn't sound like his scene. Cut to about 6 months later he says to me "oh hey did you see that billboard for the art event coming up?" I said I hadn't and he says "well put it in your calendar!" When he told me. the event was two months away! He said he had randomly found himself at one of these events recently. I thought he didn't like this "scene"? He's funny. Was he wanting to go with me?!
-He knows I really appreciate good cinema, not your average blockbuster and small, historic theaters. He'd always ask if I'd seen any good movies lately and that "he hadn't been to the theater in a while, but he likes small off the beaten path theaters." He'd bring up recent releases, ask if I'd seen them yet, and if I said no (to see if he'd ask me out!) he'd just say "yeah I'll see that when it hits Netflix." So puzzling!
-I'd start to notice he'd use the same words that I do after we'd have a conversation.
-in the compute room one day, I was emailing. He came in and sat at the computer next to me not doing anything. He wanted me to look up his horoscope and read it to him. I did, then continued emailing. He said "oh no, you have to read me yours!" Ok?
-Another day in the computer room, he's looking up news online and I came in to work at the computer next to him. He then proceeds to say "what do you think of these?" It was a list of the years top ten baby names or something. I was a little startled. I tried to work while he was talking to me, but after each name, he'd look over at me and say what he thought and what I thought about them. Never had this kind of conversation with a male ever. This thing with names had become a thing with him. He'd come in and say he heard on the radio the strangest baby name. Or, ask me while reading an article online what I thought of a celebrities baby name. Or, coming to my desk to chat about old people names. Weird!
-I noticed music coming from his back area. Usually music is not on, but if it is, it's coming from a different guys am/fm stations. I realized its a band I mentioned to him over a year ago that I wanted to see in concert. This was on his pandora playlist, so he had to have entered that bands/singers name to get that playlist. I had to go out there to grab some paperwork and said that I liked the music. About a week later, he had it on again. He has never done this in the 1.5 years I've worked here.
-what has me confused is if he is seemingly interested in my life and hobbies, why would he mention his gf when I don't ask about her. We had come back from Xmas vacation and he said he went with his buddy's family to a cabin. Then he says, "yeah, but my lady didn't go." I never brought her up at all, so why'd he throw in that little detail?" I could be talking about a show I watched on TV and he will say "my gf likes that show." He doesn't talk about her every single time we talk, but it's enough and randomly thrown in to confuse me fully.
-A client we have that's covered in tattoos had given me his number a few months back. I realized he's not for me, so I stopped communicating. He still comes in occasionally and will come say hi. No hard feelings, he's still nice to me. On Valentines Day, he comes in, walks straight over to my desk to say hi, then turns around to talk to J and my mgr. who are a couple feet away from my desk. Tattoo asks them "any V Day plans?" J replies "nope, it's me and my dog tonight!" Tattoo says "oh you're single? I thought you'd have 5 kids by now." J said yes to the single question. He leaves, and I walk over to my mgr. and J and say "there goes my valentines date for tonight!" Mgr. looks surprised and says "ooooo-Kay..." J just replies with "cool" like he doesn't really care. Mgr. walks away and not .5 seconds later, J comes up to my desk and what ensued is flabbergasting: "yeah, my gf and I don't do V-Day. We decided two years ago to never go out in that day so we are getting sushi tomorrow. I'm going camping next month, but she can't go, she doesn't like camping, then I'm going on a trip in April and she can't go again, so we will have to plan something for summer and then my birthday trip in September with just some guy friends and blah blah blah..." I could not make sense of that! He just said he was single then says he's going out with his gf tomorrow?!
-one day, he was at my desk no less than ten times. Every time he had a customer, he'd leave then come right back to me when was done. I started to laugh hiding behind my desk because it was getting ridiculous! he'd take out his phone, show me pictures of his dog, his friends dogs, cousins dogs, talk about running away from home at 16, it just went on and on. I'm of course trying to work while he's talking. Sometimes it does get slow, so I don't mind chatting for a bit. K (older coworker) came up to me one day just before a was leaving on hiatus again and said "I'm surprised he hasn't asked you out already!" I said "no he has a gf." He said "oh really?..."
The we left it at that. I don't want to say anything I'll regret!
-my last day there, he wasn't talking to hardly at all. I assumed he knew it was my last day so I didn't tell him. Thought maybe one of the other guys had to have brought it up. Well, day passes without really interacting and everyone is gone for the weekend except us two. We had 15 minutes to go and I thought maybe this would be my chance to try to initiate keeping in touch. Also, I'd lost my phone with all contact numbers a few months ago, so I wanted to have his number. What does he do? Doesn't say a word until I find him in the computer room to say goodbye. At this point I'm already heartbroken, just as last year. I say farewell and thanks for telling me about that art event that's tomorrow. He says "oh yeah I forgot about that, maybe I'll see you there?" What?! I felt sick to my stomach and just walked out. I ended up going to the event but couldn't call him because I didn't have his number.

Crazy to say, but I don't like being away from him. It's gotten to a point where I knowingly have fallen in love with him and feel physically ill. I can't stress enough how rare it is for me to say that I'm in love with someone. I've never felt this way about any man before, EVER. I'll wake up feeling sick, my heart literally hurting because I want to be with him, but can't. And feel left in the dark about how he feels. Why, would any guy continue this for 1.5 years if it was just to get a little "side action"?! I'm baffled. I started to think my mgr. was just trying to let him use me, but the more I interacted with J, I saw sides of him that I fell completely in love with. I feel so good around him, we don't eve have to be talking, just sitting next to each other and it feels so right. I have such fun with him too as he makes me laugh and we have our little inside jokes. I honestly look ahead to the future and see myself with him. If we were 80, with no TV, no entertainment in a room, I'd want to be sitting next to him. I know I sound crazy projecting like this with no relationship with the guy, but I've never felt that for anyone. It's greater than anything I've ever felt. I want to go to work every day to see him and I don't see him, I ache, it's awful. We were talking about traveling and I said I'd go to Paris by myself. He said he wouldn't travel alone because he already talks to himself as it is. He said he'd have "to go with his friends or whatever." Why not your gf?! Who you've been with for 2.5 years now! I worry if he's 15 minutes late from work. I hope he's safe when I'm not around him. I don't know what to do. I'm beside myself, cried many times. I'm supposed to be looking for work right now, but this massive ache is crushing me and I can't focus. I'm not used to being so dramatic either. It scares me, but maybe let's me know that this may be actual love. Sometimes when he looks into my eyes or face, I could swear that he feels something too, but his inaction leaves me in despair.

Elliott, I go back to work in one month and don't know what to do or say. Can something like this go on for so long and ever have a chance at anything? I know this is incredible long and I've even left more out, but I look forward to hearing your take.

Sincerely, Clementine

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