People can change.
He sounds very set in his ways and needs help to change.
Some times people do not know how much their behavior effects others lives.
You have been together for 9 years and that is a relationship that has gone through a lot of things.
You both need to get your marriage back on track and I feel that he needs to make changes in order to save the marriage.
He has bad habits and you mentioned he has quit drinking before for a month so he is very capable of giving up alcohol.
You mentioned he was retired and that plays a factor. When people retire they tend to not know where there life is going. Before he got up went to work he had a purpose. Now he is retired and does not know what to do with himself. He needs to find something that sparks his interest.
Maybe start a hobby something to keep him busy beside drinking.
I feel that he is bored in his life.
He need something to get him out of bed, something he can be passionate about. Right now he is just burying his feelings and emotions in drinking.
It is almost as if he doesn't want to feel these emotions so he drinks.
Being retired is an adjustment and when you do something everyday you don't know what to do with your time.
He needs to be challenged and he needs something to do. You mentioned he doesn't do things around the house, but maybe he can find a hobby that will get him excited.
I feel that you want o work on your marriage and I do not feel you really want to leave. People can change and it doesn't seem to me the answer is to break up.
I want you to confront the situation and tell him how you feel.
I feel that it is important that he knows it is effect your life.
I want you both to try something.
I want you to remember why you first started dating and I want you to reconnect.
It helps in remembering the memories you once shared and it helps to recreate your very first date. Some times in life people lose there perspective on what is important. Some times life gets in the way.
When two people begin to date it is exciting and new, You want to impress the person, but as time passes you get into this routine.
You begint o get comfortable. In the beginning your learning about the person and it's new.
But then it gets to that point where you know all the stories and there is not much to learn anymore because you know the person. You have been together for 9 years you know eat other very well.
I feel that you both love each other and need to get back to when things first begin.
Communication is key in a relationship and I feel you both need to make that time to sit down with each other and talk about each others wants in needs.
He needs to hear how you feel.
Thank you for your question.