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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5785
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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thank you Kate for everything and I have an afterthought... I

Resolved Question:

thank you Kate for everything and I have an afterthought...

I think it's deiberate also but don't understand something. if I point out the deliberate passive aggressive behavior and point out what he is not doing, he shows an increase in anger. is it fake anger by being manipulative or true anger because I'm reading between the lines. I try to pick my battles but some things he does which are consistently messy or dirty I point them out.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hi Dee,

You're welcome :)

It sounds like he is angry as a defense. Not because you are doing something wrong in general but because that is how he probably sees it. To him, if he has issues like a personality disorder, he is going to see you pointing something out differently than someone who is more healthy in their outlook. So he may see you pointing out his mistakes as something wrong with you. Abusers often blame others no matter how dysfunctional their own behavior is. Or that you are angry or picky in nature. He may think he did nothing wrong or not even understand that he is being manipulative. In that way, his anger is probably genuine and even justified, at least to him (not to anyone else).

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks again. In his mind the anger is justified. Yet, I have great trouble wrapping my head around the fact that he cannot see his especially overt manipulative actions. It's almost as though he's fooling himself.
if you vacuum that area that's clean but not the dirty area or claims to have wiped the counters but they're very dirty, its hard for me to see how he's not aware of such lies. then he has convinced himself of an image that doesn't exist and he is very ill.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
It is very hard to understand why someone would think like that. It seems out of sorts. But if he grew up in an environment that was confusing to him, he may not see how he acts as abnormal at all. And once someone has a set pattern of behavior, and no insight, they are pretty much stuck seeing things one way unless they are willing to change.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Thank you Dee, very much!

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you Kate. Talk soon.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
:) Take care!

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