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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi how do I convince my boyfriend move to my location? Please

Resolved Question:

Hi how do I convince my boyfriend move to my location? Please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

What you want to do to convince him to move to your location is by showing him the positives of moving.

Deardebra :

Explain the benefits for him moving to your location. If he gives you negative reason why he doesn't want to move, you throw back a positive so that he can see that it is a good idea.

Customer:

no he bought a coop in brooklyn NY and i have a child and i am asking him to move to queens because my son's school is in queens but he is insisting that i move to Brooklyn but i think that it is easier for him to move to queens since he doesnot have any children

Customer:

like what please give me ideas

Deardebra :

Yes, I can give you some ideas.

Customer:

ok like what?

Deardebra :

You have both discussed moving and he wants you to move to Brooklyn and the reason you do not want to move its because you do not want to uproot your son?

Customer:

correct

Deardebra :

I agree that he should move to queens as well.

Deardebra :

Because you have a child you have to think of you child first and you want him to be settled and adjust.

Deardebra :

I feel that what you should do it this

Deardebra :

You need to explain that you are a mom looking out for the best interest of your child.

Deardebra :

You feel that it would be better for you and your child that he move to Queens.

Deardebra :

You do not feel like moving your child to a new place and having your child adjust to too many changes.

Deardebra :

You son would have to adjust to a new school, new living arrangements and that is a lot for a child.

Deardebra :

Explain that you feel you both should be closer together and that it would be nice to take that next step together.

Deardebra :

Explain how much you love and care for him and that living a part is something that you no longer want to do, so you are hoping that you can change your mind and move with us to Queens.

Deardebra :

It's very hard for people to make changes in life, he has a place in Brooklyn so he is settled there.

Deardebra :

He might be concerned to move.

Deardebra :

But you need to ease his mind and let him know that this is a good idea.

Deardebra :

I want you to point out the benefits to moving to Queens, point out things that he likes to do.

Deardebra :

Some times people get nervous to make so many changes at once, he would be moving to a new place and I am sure he is unsure on moving, this is why he needs to be reassured that your relationship needs to take that next level.

Deardebra :

I want you to suggest him coming to stay with you for maybe a week if he can to see if he likes living in Queens.

Deardebra :

That would help in his decision and you want to show him all the good, positive things about Queens.

Deardebra :

He could stay with you and love it there and want to move there.

Deardebra :

He needs to see how life would be before he makes such a big move this will give him a chance to see what it would be like.

Deardebra :

Maybe you could stay with him for a weekend to see if you would like living in Brooklyn this way it would be a good suggestion that you both try out both places to live.

Customer:

his parents live in Queens and he does stay there over the weekend and he knows how it feels to live in Queens

Customer:

but he tells me that he is settled in Brooklyn and that he feels that i should move to Brooklyn because i dont own anything in Queens, ny

Deardebra :

I see so he is looking towards your future.

Deardebra :

I feel that it would be a good idea to try to see if you could stay there for a weekend to see if this is something you want to do, but I feel he should be open to moving. He is thinking about owning something and being secure.

Deardebra :

But I feel he should think about maybe you both looking for a place together in Queens to buy.

Deardebra :

Then you both would have something you owned together. That would give him the security he is looking for to move.

Customer:

maybe you are right because I feel like this relationship could come to an end because of this situation and i dont want that happening

Deardebra :

No, you do not want that to happen so I feel you should take the steps to see if he will come to live with you for a little while to see if he likes where you live.

Customer:

ok i will do that thanks for your advice

Deardebra :

You welcome if you have anymore question I am here, thank you again for your question. Please accept my answer.

Customer:

NO PROBLEM

Deardebra :

Thank you again.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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