How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been made aware (someone contacted me anonymously) of

This answer was rated:

I have been made aware (someone contacted me anonymously) of the fact that a video of my ex-wife tied to a headboard and getting oral sex is on internet porn sites. I've recently seen it, and it's definitely her. It is three minutes long and at no point does she look toward the camera (which is stationary, probably a cell phone sitting on a dresser) or give any indication that she knows she is being recorded. She is well known in local business circles and would surely be upset to know about this. I do not know who the man is, although I have seen him at some point in the past. We did not divorce on the best of terms 11 years ago, but are civil to one another and have occasional contact because of our adult son. If I have been made aware of this video, then surely others who know her have. If the man in the video did not post it himself, then I'm assuming he shared with a friend who consequently posted it. Do I let her know?
Hello. This is a tough decision to make. You need to think about what will happen if you tell her and what will happen if you don't tell her. You said you did not divorce on good terms, so think about what your motivation would be to tell her or to not tell her. Basically, you just need to think about all of the scenarios possible and make your choice based on the conclusions you come up with. I can't tell you if you should or should not tell her because obviously, there are a lot of things to think about. How will this effect your relationship with her and your son and family unit in general? Just take all of these things into careful consideration and then make your choice.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
I need another person's insight so I can compare. Not that the first answer was all that bad, but I still feel like I am in a quandry. Look, my ex-wife was never a prude (I had taken nude photos of her, pre-video recorder) years ago. If she thought I had ever shown them to anyone else (I never did) she would be furious. She did not "strut" her stuff, and like I said she is well known in the community and involved in many civic organizations. I am sure she did not know she was being recorded.
You said you wanted another person's insight, so here is an alternate thought. Tell her. I am a researcher and professor in addition to a relationship expert, so I do keep up what studies tell us. And my best summary of the literature to date is that most people want to know the truth in MOST situations. Without going into the relationship exceptions, and they would not apply anyway since you are not in a relationship with your ex, most people in survey studies report that they would want to know something of this magnitude. There is no way that she can begin to rectify this if she does not know it's out there.

Think about this--porn is one of the largest sources of money-making on the internet or in the world in general. If you have seen it, it seems fairly certain statistically speaking that others have or will see it within your/her social circles. Given this statistical probability, and again, given what people have reported on surveys, they would want to know something like this in order to not be in an even more embarrassing social situation and have it brought to one's attention in that fashion versus knowing now and at least having the knowledge to make a decision to contact an attorney or other legal source to consider what options may be available.

I hope this helps give you something to think about! Again, my "advice" is not personal but based on what research shows.

Take good care,

--Dr. Jackie

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions