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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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my fiance of five years havnt seen his 7 year old daughter

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my fiance of five years havnt seen his 7 year old daughter in 5 years
he says he wants to go see her alone for two weeks in north carolina
i never met her myself and i should understand and respect his wishes

jenhelant : Hi, how do you feel about this? Is there something that is making you not want him to go?
Customer:

yes because i never meet his daughter he has been in my childern lives

Customer:

i needed a change of enviorment and wanted to meet a part of him and his child

jenhelant : That is understandable. Would you be willing to go with him or is that not an option right now?
Customer:

i feel heart and like im not his number one priorty we got into a big argument he said no matter what i say or do he has to

Customer:

do this alone he needs to get to know her first but as his fiance it shouldnt matter

Customer:

he already left

jenhelant : I completely understand your part and how you feel about this. However, he has not seen his daughter in a very long time and this probably hurts him and is very stressful. He doesn't know her and doesn't know how she will react or if she will even be accepting to him. He may feel embarrassed and this could be one of the reasons he feels he needs to do this alone. I am sure it is nothing personal towards you and he feels the same for you. I
Customer:

he got a settlement for his arm for 22,000 when he first got it he went to the bay area to his family for 3 days came home for two weeks than went up north again for 3 days now hes going to see his daughter for two weeks

Customer:

thank you

jenhelant : would try not to worry about it even though it is probably very difficult. Try to think of the positive that
Customer:

i just feel abandon a lil bit

Customer:

oki will

jenhelant : he is being a good man and a good dad. If he did not want to go that would be worse. I would try to accept that the first meeting he wanted to be alone since he may be very nervous and under a lot of stress.
jenhelant : However, I would be more concerned with what he does moving forward.
Customer:

i dont know why i feel hurt and i never been this long without him

jenhelant : He should definitely be inviting you to see her soon
jenhelant : It should not remain alone because you are important in his life, so he will want you to be around his daughter just as he is around your children.
Customer:

hopefully

jenhelant : Yes
Customer:

i kinda have seperation anexity

jenhelant : but this is why I would try to take it one step at a time
jenhelant : that is good that you are aware of this that way you can help correct it
Customer:

he keeps calling me alot while hes on the road and said he appreciates what im allowing him o do

Customer:

ok

jenhelant : try to remember that he is doing something good and positive. He happy for him that he is doing this after all this time and know that he will invite you or be back to you soon
Customer:

three weeks seem so long to me

Customer:

without him

jenhelant : this doesn't mean he is choosing her over you. He is just handling one part of his life and will be back.
Customer:

ok

Customer:

and he keeps changing the dates whenhe will returnmaybe hes to excited

jenhelant : I understand it is long and you will miss him. But he will be back and I bet after he gets everything cleared up with her he will be back and you will be meeting her too
Customer:

ok

Customer:

is it normal for me to have seperation anxeity and worry for him hes driving 3 days in a car

jenhelant : He probably saw the opportunity with this money and wanted to make up for lost time.
Customer:

yes

jenhelant : It is good that he is calling you and is appreciating you
jenhelant : he probably is very excited and anxious too
Customer:

ok and when he left he took alot of his belongings and clothes with him

Customer:

he took like almost the whole closet and put up his most vauable things in a storage before he left

jenhelant : That is ok because he needed stuff for the time he is there. I would not worry.
Customer:

ok

jenhelant : Try and stay positive and think of those things rather than negative
Customer:

thank you

Customer:

i will

jenhelant : It is my pleasure to help
jenhelant : i will be here for you when you need you can just ask for me
Customer:

ok thank you

jenhelant : no problem
Customer:

my fiance was suppose to stop in the bay area to fix hi car and paint it before he go se hes daughter in north carolina

Customer:

his car

Customer:

he has been putting the trip off and staying in the bay area now he says his not painting his car and that he is gonna wait until he get back from north carolina hes been haning out in the bay area instead of going to see his daughter hes been using his car as an excuse and post ponging the days longer to stay in the bay area

Customer:

and hasnt went to see his daughter

Customer:

whats going on

Customer:

another week before he go to north carolina

Customer:

hes confusing me

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