I would like to help you with your question,
I am sorry that your daughter has been caught up in such a terrible situation with this man. It must be hard for you to understand what happened with Ari and how things had been going so well and then suddenly fell apart so miserably.
I can understand your saying that you do not want to kill her hope. And certainly her self-worth and view of the world must be protected so that she stays in a positive frame of mind.
Likely she is feelings some amount of trauma, as are you. I would encourage both of you to consider individual therapy as a way to work through your feelings and to ensure that you heal from this situation.
XXXXX XXXXXkely wants to hold on to the hope that he will be back as it would be devastating to think that Ari took advantage of her, lied to her, and does not love her. Thus I would encourage you to support her pain, but not to challenge her hopeful stance. This can come as she gets stronger and is able to accept reality.
This is why individual therapy would be beneficial.
I await your response.
Again, I am very sorry that Sara - and you - have been so hurt.
I actually do believe that he loves her, but heis worried about losing everything. Mortdages and everything. Basically what I would like to know what happens when a man has a nervous breakdown. He has moved in with his parents who ar very demanding. They've been syphoning off both sons. Were upset when he divorced because of status. I think Ari wanted to run away in a snse and it came crushing down.
He didn't want to risk his licence to practise law but douldn't bring Sara with him into his parents house because of how they are. Sara and Ari were talking marriage. Qucik I know but I don't doubt he was sincere. He just lost it. It happened over a week and that day was just the last straw. He took it out on Sara because that is waht we do. He is now working 7 days a week trying to sort it out off Facebook and everything.Christmas he is getting a boun. He's hoping to refinance studentloans. Basically parents never helped him only demanded. Father retired mid forties helped sons buy propeties but then hetakes anything made of it. Both brothers did soccerwell ut brother changed to American football because father didn't understand. He damnded to much off them. So Ari is in serious trouble does that mean there's no chance or do men sometimes return. That's basically what we want to knwo. He has had a serious nervous breakdown.
I know we sound very naive, but he wasn't like the others they had a lot off fun. Clearly he's a dreamer, but his parents are making it very difficult. Sara is also a dreamer. But their backgrounds are very similar, half greek etc.
As a clinical psychologist of some 30 years my experience tells me that men who have had a breakdown (just like women) need the professional support of a psychologist to address and work through the issues that led to this mental state. In many cases, medication is prescribed as well.
It is unfortunate that Ari is now living with his parents, particularly if they do not understand his psychological needs right now. But if he was unable to take care of himself..and so debt ridden that he had no other place to go...then we can understand his choice.
Depending on the kind of professional help Ari is receiving (psychiatric, psychological, physical) will determine, in part, how long it will take him to recover. There is also the issue of how serious the breakdown was..and how hard he is willing to work to recover.
He says he is working 7 days a week. This leaves me baffled. If he has had a serious breakdown..then working that intensely seems impossible as he would not be able to concentrate, nor have the physical energy to work at that pace.
It takes months to recover from a serious breakdown...not days or weeks. Because I have not evaluated Ari, I cannot offer more. And, I also do not know what his diagnosis is, if he has received professional help, whether he is taking medication, or even if he is in therapy. Still....a breakdown is not like turning off and on the water. It takes considerable time.
I would like to encourage Sara to read the following books:
Secrets, Lies and Betrayals by Maggie Scarf
Feeling Good by Dr. Burns
I high recommend both of these as a way for her to learn more about her own emotional state. You might consider reading these as well as a way to support her.
Please let me know if I can provide any more information for you.
We understand that and Sara is trying to operate, is writing extraordinary well while she is like this. I will get those book. We have told her to stay out of touch, every two weeks or at the most and with her ppermission we have removed the phone from next to her bed. That gives her some piece, if we can call it that.
I did alsoe find it strange that he can work but I am thinkig that maybe not clinical, but simply a breakdown of exhaustion of mind, spirit and body.
He's with his parents because house takengiven back to bank to stave off bancruptsy.
Sara is dying to occassional send him texts. She had orginally said that she'd wait. That is one the thing.
Sara keeps going online and read about how they come back. She'd also spoken to an airhostess on the way back similar thing, and I think that's the hope that's keeping her sane apart from moments of utter despair.Thank you so much for your help