How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ryan LCSW Your Own Question

Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ryan LCSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wonderful, intense, romantic and very enjoyable relationship

Resolved Question:

My wonderful, intense, romantic and very enjoyable relationship has quickly turned to a nightmare in three months. We have been together for over a year, moved to a new city together and ended up going through a lot of traumatic and hard situations during the move and after (family issues, health issues, legal issues). We are trying to hold it together, but three months ago I did something that has caused him not to trust me anymore. I was drinking heavily when this happened and simply said some things that I would never have said sober, and truly do not even know how I said them. I quickly stopped drinking and have remained sober ever since so that I would not repeat this horrendous thing. He, however, has continued to drink. He gets very drunk, sometimes for days at a time, is very verbally abusive and has "kicked me out" twice, where I have literally had my things packed in boxes and then he somewhat sobers up and begs me to stay, apologizing for his actions. After three months of this, he has recently said that it is all stemming from the incident that caused him not to trust me three months ago and does not know if he will be able to trust me again, but we would like to try and get help because we still love each other very much. I am just confused because although what I did was not a good thing, I have made action to prevent it from ever happening again and apologized sincerely XXXXX XXXXX Since I said these things while I was drunk three months ago, he has said ten times more hurtful and abusive things on a regular basis but yet is using this incident three months ago to justify all of it. I honestly think he has a serious alcohol problem and trust issues, and I do not know if they can be worked through or how willing he is to realize that the problem is him. I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I have over 10 years of experience working with relationship problems.

It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. Despite the fact that you are willing to take responsibility for what happened three months ago, in order for your relationship to move forward he is going to have to be the one to forgive you for that and stop using it as justification to mistreat you. It sounds like his drinking problem is only making this problem worse, especially if he is a different person when he is sober.

It's certainly possible to work through these problems, but a large part of that is dependent on him recognizing how his behavior is contributing to the issue so that he can take some personal responsibility for those things. If he is unwilling or unable to do that, then it is unfair of him to expect you to continue to put up with the way he has treated you. At the same time if he seems motivated to work through these problems that is certainly encouraging, and as long as there is open communication you can start to talk about what needs to change in order to make this relationship work. If you're stuck it may be a big help to go to couple's counseling in order to help you both get back on the same page. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know,

Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC


    Satisfied Customers:

    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.


    Satisfied Customers:

    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Chat Now With A Counselor
176 Satisfied Customers
Professional therapist