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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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This is a complicated question. Im living with my boyfriend now for the past 4 yrs.

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This is a complicated question. I'm living with my boyfriend now for the past 4 yrs. after dating for one year. In the beginning of our relationship it was great, and after I would say a year of living with one another, I find that he has less feelings for me as he did when we first met. Now, he wanted me to go with him to couples counseling which I did, and found out that he is an introvert and I'm an extrovert. I'm outgoing and he is not...However, we knock heads all the time. He tells me that he doesn't feel for me the same why that I feel for him. After making love the other day I asked him how he really feels about me and he said that he feels very tiny feelings for me. (He cares for my well being) He said that he feels guilty. He said that he's being honest with me and he doesn't think he'll ever have more feelings for me. I told him that I'll look for a place an move out, then he'll come over to me an rub my shoulder and say that he doesn't want me to leave. I can't figure
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation. It seems very frustrating.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your story clearly shows how your relationship has evolved from being mutually fulfilling and meaningful, to the present where after a year of living together he dramatically changed and now directly tells you he does not have real love or affection towards you, but still cares about your well-being. This is very objective, since he is telling you how he feels, and that he does not belief he would feel any more than that with time. Thus this relationship has stopped being a mutual experience of understanding, caring, sharing intimacy and support, to one where he has become verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling. For him to tell you all these things and be this way towards you for the past two years, while not wanting you to leave to rebuild your life is very selfish, shows immaturity and manipulation, all unacceptable in an adult relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For a relationship to work and growth as a healthy and fulfilling one, requires mutual respect, honesty, understanding, affection, passion and support. Partners need to have compatible personalities, same value and belief systems, and share same or similar goals, needs and expectations, creating one healthy life style together. If this does core ingredients and work are not present, then relationships could remain but would be dysfunctional and nonfulfilling.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He needs to work on his personal issues with professional support and start with respecting you, ending every form of abuse, control and manipulation. If he does not have feelings for you, then he needs to let you go, but you cannot afford waiting for the day he would do all this necessary work for you to take good care of yourself, please take full responsibility for your choices and actions and work on rebuilding your life in order to create the reality you need and deserve. Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:9:21 AM

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

9:22 AM

I am very sorry to know about your situation. It seems very frustrating.

9:28 AM

Your story clearly shows how your relationship has evolved from being mutually fulfilling and meaningful, to the present where after a year of living together he dramatically changed and now directly tells you he does not have real love or affection towards you, but still cares about your well-being. This is very objective, since he is telling you how he feels, and that he does not belief he would feel any more than that with time. Thus this relationship has stopped being a mutual experience of understanding, caring, sharing intimacy and support, to one where he has become verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling. For him to tell you all these things and be this way towards you for the past two years, while not wanting you to leave to rebuild your life is very selfish, shows immaturity and manipulation, all unacceptable in an adult relationship.

9:33 AM

For a relationship to work and growth as a healthy and fulfilling one, requires mutual respect, honesty, understanding, affection, passion and support. Partners need to have compatible personalities, same value and belief systems, and share same or similar goals, needs and expectations, creating one healthy life style together. If this does core ingredients and work are not present, then relationships could remain but would be dysfunctional and nonfulfilling.

9:35 AM

He needs to work on his personal issues with professional support and start with respecting you, ending every form of abuse, control and manipulation. If he does not have feelings for you, then he needs to let you go, but you cannot afford waiting for the day he would do all this necessary work for you to take good care of yourself, please take full responsibility for your choices and actions and work on rebuilding your life in order to create the reality you need and deserve. Does it make sense?

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