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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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I have met this guy online about 9 weeks ago. The first date

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I have met this guy online about 9 weeks ago. The first date was great and from the start he was courting me like mad. Ihowever he was a bit slow on acting but very gifted when it came to talking. He's Jewish but I am not. So at our third date, I actually kissed him because I could tell that he was not going to make a move.
Since then he has had a back operation and although we are supposedly dating exclusively, according to him, we have barely kissed and had little physical contact. Of course it's out of the question for him to engage in sex, but he's always teasing me with sexual innuendo but never does anything. We have even slept in the same bed 4 times and only kissed.
He calls me everyday and texts me everyday too and calls me babe. He went as far as showing me part of a porn film but nothing happened. I know he's very worried about his back and afraid to hurt himself but still! I have brought up the topic of sex and he said he was sorry about being in this state.
He's only 42. I am getting very confused and I feel rejected. He had also said that he wanted us to take things very slow because I have been assaulted about 2 months ago. But I am getting therapy for that and I am actually doing much better.
At this point, I am wondering if I should keep on waiting for him or move on?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

I can certainly understand your frustration and despite his problems with his back, it does seem like he is apprehensive about becoming more physical in your relationship together. It's possible that this is partially due to his health problems, but if he was courting you so seriously it is also possible that he is nervous about having sex due to his own insecurities or fear of disappointing you. That is typically the most common explanation for this type of behavior. His actions do make it seem like there is a big part of him that would like to be more sexual, however it also sounds like he may be making excuses to avoid it.

It may help for you to clarify to him that you have made progress in therapy and feel comfortable enough with him for things to progress more quickly. That could open the door to a conversation about how he is feeling physically and whether there are other factors affecting him. He is clearly sending you some mixed signals, and while I respect that you are willing to be mindful of his back, it is important that he is upfront with you if there are other problems contributing to the lack of a sex life. At the very least you should be able to have an open conversation with him about it, and at that point if he continues to make excuses or nothing seems to be improving, you may have to eventually decide to move on yourself. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
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