It is not that clear if he is bisexual or not. He says that he thinks not, but what does he feel? What is it that he feels or wants when he yearns for a sexual encounter? Is he truly sexually attracted to you? There are many men who are attracted to other men and happily in relationships with women. At least, in your situation, he has been honest that he has had these feelings in the past. For the most part, at age 43, his feelings are not likely to change much. One can feel sexually attracted to men and have no romantic interest. Many men enjoy sexual encounters with other men particularly because there is no romantic interest, just sexual interest. He has been in and out of relationships. The best predictor of the future is the past behavior. You both need to sit down and talk this out and see if you both can live with it. Are you both better off with each other or without each other? I doubt that he will lose his interest in men if he truly is interested. In any case, if he is having sexual encounters with men it is imperative, absolutely crucial that he engages in safe sex; that is, using protection and making sure there is no exchange of bodily fluids. The risk of sexually transmitted disease including HIV/AIDS exists. Here are a few websites to examine that might help you both understand the situation:
Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Dr. Tom
Thank you for your time and help in this matter. He has told me that the encounters he had stopped when he was 25, because he met and fell in love with his girlfriend.... Even when he was out of relationships with women, he did not go back to that behavior. Maybe I am native here, but his reasoning was he wanted that release, he wasn't sure if he was bi and men gave him that release or physical contact he was seeking...there was no emotional connection or finding them attractive....I am confused by the behavior, again not judging, but wondering if really he is gay or bi and using this relationship as a cover on some level. I feel he loves me and cares for me...but in my mind I am thinking that if someone engages in this behavior for 8 years it might be more than a phase or can it be just that, a phase? Thank you for the resources. He is planning on seeing a therapist after our conversations this weekend. He has been tested and he is ok.