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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1376
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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So me and my girlfriend started dating in December of 2012.

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So me and my girlfriend started dating in December of 2012. She moved in with me not too long after. We were so good together. We always laughed and had good times together. We decided to try to have a baby. Well we were successful. We were both soooo happy!! The first ultrasound we got to see his heartbeat and everything. It really made us so proud and aware that this was the real thing. We went out and did our baby registry together and had so much fun doing it. Well she's now a little over 8 weeks and all the fun and happiness has stopped. She admitted to me that her hormones were really bad. She told me that she just isn't happy anymore and wasn't sure she wants to be with me. I asked her where this came from. She said she had been thinking about it before the pregnancy. So it's either her trying to deny that it's the hormones, or she was really selfish enough to go through with the pregnancy with doubts of our relationship in her mind. Anyway she told me because I had snooped through her cell phone before, which was totally wrong of me to do and I apologized for, is why she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me. I told her we could work it out and at least give it a fighting chance for the baby's sake. Well today she moved some of her stuff back to her moms, deleted me and my mom from Facebook and took all of our pics off her FB page. Although she did leave it as "in a relationship."

I begged and pleaded with her to not leave and to please give me a chance to prove I'm not a bad guy. Which she already knows I'm not. The crazy thing was that as I sat there an emotional wreck, she showed no emotions. So she wants to stay at her moms to think things over and doesn't want to hear from me. She did say before she left, that no matter what her decision is ill always be a part of her and the baby's life. Today she text and asked when id be at work again so she could come grab some more of her stuff. I asked her if i would be able to take her out for her bday next week because I didnt want to miss it. She said "maybe. depends how I feel." I'm crushed everyone. How can I deal with this?

Is this hormones or more complicated issues?

I'm gonna miss kissing her belly every night before bed :(
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. This is a little of everything going on. You going through her phone shows a complete lack of trust and she thinks this is a huge deal, which it pretty much is. I know you said you were wrong by doing it, but she will not forget this, women don't forget things like that and she looks at it like she is with someone who does not trust her. THAT is not a good thing. The fact that she is in the week of pregnancy where hormones are the worst, it does amplify things. Smaller things become hue things for her. There may also be another part to this. A lot of women feel that their boyfriends or husbands do not empathize with them for what they are going through physically and emotionally. She may feel sick at times, she may need help getting through the day, she is probably very tired or exhausted and doesn't feel she has the support to get through this. Most o the time men don't even know they are needed in this capacity and women expect them to just know without having to ask them. I'm not saying this is going on for sure, I have just seen it many times in any level relationship.
How you handle this is just go along with her right now as difficult as it may be. Her relationship with her mom and how her mom feels about you will also be a key factor here. Of her mom doesn't like you or is influenced by her words about you, you may have an uphill battle, as they will talk about it and convince each other of things with may or may not be true about you. If you have a good relationship with her mom or at least on speaking terms, I would make sure that your stance and intentions are knows to her mom. If you are able to explain to her mom that you don't understand what happened and that you want to be with her, support her and love her endlessly, you will have a good chance of your girlfriend being influenced by the positive feelings you have placed there. IN other words, she will take cues from her mom, whether they are positive or negative. Especially in the time of pregnancy where women have sympathy for each other, knowing how difficult it is on them to go through the huge changes it creates.
You need to find the balance of giving her the space she wants but also not giving up on how you feel. Call her and check in with her to see if she needs anything. Ask her if she has any appointments coming up, etc. Stay part of the process but also don't push her as far as moving back in or the relationship itself. Treat this like you both made a baby together and you are going to be there to make sure that he/she gets brought into the world with happy and supportive parents. If she is living close enough, stop by and drop off something she may need or want to feel more comfortable. Some women have a hard time sleeping and love those giant body pillows when pregnant. Research some things that help women feel better during pregnancy and if you know she doesn't have something, buy and bring it to her. Show her that her feelings and what she is going through is on your mind all the time and you want to make her as happy and comfortable as possible. If she lets you hang out with her at her moms, see if she wants a foot rub. Women love foot rubs during pregnancy. Pamper her and show her she is everything to you by actions instead of words. Don't push the relationship as I said. She will have good days and bad days and you will probably be confused with how she is treating you one day and then changes the next. Try to let it roll off and not look into it too much. If you are the best person you can be to her and the baby right now, she will know this and when that baby is born and all of her love for him/her comes out for the first time, she will settle in and know who was there for her. Just be a good guy to her.I think you will be ok once you go through the ups and downs.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
One of my biggest problems understanding this situation is the fact that Tuesday we were so happy to be shopping for the house for upgrades and Wednesday she decides to leave. How does this happen overnight? Then she hits me with the "I was never in love with you. I just love." Even though I clearly remember her telling me before that she was in love with me :/

The biggest shock here is just how overnight everything changed. It was like night and day.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
It doesn't really happen overnight, even though it seems like it to you. She was probably thinking about it for awhile and had a moment where she made a decision. She thinks about things all the time. Women think about things all the time, unlike men who have something happen and then able to let it go. Try not to look into all of the details of everything right now, even though I know its hard to do that. She is going through a lot of ups and downs emotionally.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1376
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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