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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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So my boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for 9 months.

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So my boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for 9 months. 3 months ago we broke up to focus on our careers and lives first instead of putting our relationship first. Well within those 3 months he had started talking and flirting and even trying to go on dates with other girls. We would not talk to each other for a couple weeks then something always bring us back to each other. Recently we got back together because he doesn't want to lose me, but he says he's not in love with me right now and doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to break up with me and risk losing me but he thinks he's not ready to give 100% of himself to me in this relationship. I've tried everything and I don't have any idea what to do to save our relationship. I love him very much and don't want to lose him but I don't want to keep getting hurt every other week.

Dr. Shirley Schaye : Thank you for contacting Just Answer.
Customer: I really need some guidance and I hope you're able to help me. I just need some advice on what to do because honestly I'm at a stand still.
Customer: Dr. Shirley Schaye I'm sorry I've never done this before. But I really need some guidance and I hope you're able to help me. I just need some advice on what to do because honestly I'm at a stand still. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I don't want to walk away but I'm scared that I might lose him. Or have already lost him. He was my first love and my first real intense relationship. I've had other relationships but none were like the one I'm in. I just want to be able to save our relationship and move forward or walk away and move forward.
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

It seems like you need a way to keep the flame of love burning brightly without spending much time together. Perhaps treating it like a long distance love and using love letters by email would be a way to go. You could get into regular correspondence and talk about the things that matter most to you, and he could do the same. And you could set aside a single segment of your week-=-or every 2 or 4 weeks, to see each other. For relationship research has found that Long Distance relationships in which the lovers meet once a month or so can stay burning brightly for many months or even several years. And that's how people keep their love relationships in a very small cubicle amid a very busy work life. One of my old friends had a 7 year LD before his GF retired as professor and then they married and moved together.

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