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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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continued; he contacted me 5 days after he walked away with

Customer Question

continued; he contacted me 5 days after he walked away with the following:MY QUESTION....Do I respond right away.... wait for him to actually call or just not respond

HIS RESPONSE...



Here’s what I know…


I live in constant fear, wondering what will happen if I get scared half-to-death twice.


If I ever need a psychic, he should call me.


Meeting you was one of the great gifts of my life.


Police should know better than to tell a mime he has the right to remain silent.


I don’t have a Man Cave. I have a nice house with a nice outdoor bar, one that’s made even nicer when you’re sitting at it.


I haven’t been “on the fence” since I leapt for a fly ball in Little League and suffered a minor groin injury. I then briefly sang soprano in the church choir.


Spending time with you made me one of the great overachievers in history.


I forgot to pay an exorcist for his services. He tried to repossess me.


Contrary to popular belief, I do have feelings.


I’m still frightened of being trapped on a broken down escalator.


Spending time with you made me happy again.


My Dog Skip is a great movie.


Madame X needed to turn off the faucet.


Still not so sure about jalapeno peppers in popcorn.


Spending time away from you has not made me happy.


I don’t believe I’ll ever eat eggplant on purpose.


Your smile could provide enough electricity to power Delaware.


When I need to buy something specific, I never go to a General Store.


It bothers me that there are 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic.”


I feel better when you’re sitting next to me.


One of Santa’s depressed helpers was diagnosed with low elf-esteem.


I would never, ever do anything to hurt you.


One of my sisters tried to dial 911 the other day, but couldn‘t find the eleven.


Your beautiful legs are awe-inspiring.


I have lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons.


I miss you.


I took a picture of some cheese yesterday and didn’t know what to tell it to say.


I know a vegetarian who won’t eat animal crackers.


I sometimes have a hard time articulating how I feel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That’s what I know. Here’s what you need to know….


I'm crazy about the Pretty Girl, and God willing, hope to see her again soon.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I'm a Moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.


I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, please let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes... I am waiting
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I've shortened my question at least 3X and have been waiting for an answer since 5\18. I have since sent him a similar response. Did you guys give up too. I'm starting to think I should get a refund
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your continued patience. We will continue the search for a professional for you.
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.

As charming and clever as he can be, I wonder if this guy can say or write anything truthful about himself. I assume that in 3 months you have asked him quite a bit about himself--his work, his interests, his PAST, his family. Did you get answers that you believed?

 

Kate doesn't seem to be responding today, so I'll do it. I read your previous communication.

 

Does he rely on humor non-stop? Is charming, quirky and childlike all he does? He could casg a spell on you with those moves, but did he do that when he met your people? and how much has he let you into HIS life? Do you know what's important to him beside YOU?

 

I can read the following true statements in his clever babblings:

 

1. He quite possibly has manic-depressive disorder: With you he's manic; everywhere else he's depressive. I'm more sure of the depressive part than of the manic. But you can provide the evidence for that: Has he been almost fanatically UpBeat and HighEnergy almost all the time that he spends with you? Does he not want or need much sleep?

 

If you haven't felt overwhelmed or frightened when you've spent a lot of time with him, then his bipolar disorder may be mild. But he seems to be very frightened to reveal anything about himself, so any questions about him or his past might have evoked mostly evasive answers.

 

He may be just as frightened of real relationship as he is of failing and losing it again this time. So it would be valuable to get him to talk about his relationship history. If he will.

 

Before passing judgment on his mental capacity to hold up his end of a love relationship, I'd like to know what you have found out from talking with him for 3 months. 3 months is normal for a woman to spring "the talk" that immature men dread, with the "C" word hanging in the air above the "L" word. But believe it or not "Immature" is not just another word for "masculine." Let me make myself clear: When anyone is afraid to say the L word, it's because he or she "knows" that Love means Commitment to a future together. His flight a few days ago and now swooping around you like a swallow in search of a bell-tower says to me that he's either afraid of a relationship because he has NO experience with them, or afraid of revealing that he has no solid core to his personality and knows that you'll find him out.

 

"I miss you" and "your legs are awesome" are a start at expressing feelings in ways that men can cope with better than what you were fishing for. But coming clean about himself so you can know him as he really is (and not as a "mime") is a form of commitment that I would not want to do without if I were you. What do you want to know about him that you don't know yet?

 

Maybe he'd like to think he's a bipolar guy from that movie Silver Linings Playbook. But a movie character is an actor, and you'll need to get him to take his mask off, even if he has to run away a bit each time.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

First I want to thank you for responding. Ididn't think anyone did till just now.His family background and history is what brought us together. And we spend most of our time talking about our past, growing up and our families.
I have slept in the same bed with him 4 times. We kiss alot...I've worn beautiful lingerie from a gift card he gave me.. but we have not had sex.. we hold eachother like the roots of a tree. intertwined.. but...HE has pleased me once orally. As I have been married for 23 years Im ok until I get a commitment from him,... but dont want to scare him. Do I just ask?


 


Gonna see him later for dinner.


 

Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.

So you know his family background and relationship history--I assume the first term in that equation is a lot longer than the second one. You didn't answer my questions about whether he might be bipolar as his clever babblings telegraph. Though his relationship intelligence could just be about 20 years behind his physical age. Which would be likely to stem from some crippling lack in is family history. But I'm just exercising my therapist-amateur-diagnosis repertoire because I don't know anything about him except his cute mime.

 

Just ask him what? He isn't going to stay in his hideout (dont' call it "man-cave"), so you're holding all the high cards. But I don't know what you want me to help with. Does he have a history of bailing out before 6 months are up? Does he have a long painful family history?

 

If it's the C word & it's younger sibling the L word that's scaring him, then just give him some more line to swim around with, cuz he IS on your hook.

 

PS He LIKES to express his feelings obliquely in writing. Give him some appreciation for his writing--even put some of your own creativity on his wavelength if you're up to it, and he'll definitely keep coming back for more.

 

Have you been divorced long enough that you're ready for commitment? If it's only been a year or two since your divorce, then a playful sparky romance might be just what the heart-doctor ordered. If you met over sharing recent&past histories, then you might BOTH be in posthumous healing-relationship mode. If so, then YOUR TIMING IS PERFECT. Try a little improv pantomime with him, and go caterwauling like stray cats on a backfence in the moonlight. YOu might have talents that only his comic spark can awaken.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Brown,


Once again thank you for your reply. It is comforting knowing there is someone I can talk to and get some educated insight.


 


The gentelman I am seeing has 6 sisters and is from Iowa. Mother was a teacher and father was a farmer/funeral director. One sister suffered from bulimia and they had a family intervention. I also have a daughter that turned bulimic at the age of 17 when her Dad abandoned our family. Although not a good thing,this illness and how we handled it was something that we shared. He has shared wonderful christmas memories and childhood stories that I believe are genuine and heartwarming. I have met one of his sister's, her x-husband, his neice and almost all of his friends.


 


He has baked cakes for my father and daughter (birthday) and not so sure about the graduation cake that was offered for 6/1 (graduation).He mentioned having a BBQ at his house to meet my family very early on... He has been so wonderful that He has made me think.. If my husband felt this way about the women he left me for...l can understand why he did it. And I thought for sure Pat (his name) was crazy wild for me and felt the same way.


Pat (never married) came out of a 6 year relationship with a woman (did not live together) in Feb.... mine a 23 year marriage (3 kids) and together 27 years...ended 2 years ago. I never thought I could ever be with another man... no less want to please him, look beautiful, feel beautiful, and actually WANT to make love to someone else.


 


HERE IS WHERE I THINK THINGS UNRAVELED


I referred to his home as a man cave...I did not follow up on his offer to have my family to his home and I asked him if he was on the fence regarding his feeling toward me. I believed it was not my place to follow up on the offer and wanted to be sure our relationship was heading in the right direction before I introduced him to my family. That is when He went awal.


 


Last night we went to dinner and it felt very akward.. he could barely look me in the eyes. I asked if he was seeing someone else or did he want to see someone else and he said no...but I cant help believe that's not ture. Pat is a local TV sports personality and I feel asleep last night while his broadcast was on... I sent him a playful text today regarding it and he has not replyed... I want to pull him back in ... call him ... email him.... something... I think I at least deserve an explaination of why he has done this about face. ...but I am so conflicted. I think I'll only exasperate the problem by pushing the issue.... do I just let it go....Do I call him... text him again.... email my thoughts to him... Should I go back on Match.com (knowing he will find out and that will make things worse) or the heck with it, just chalk this one up?


 


Thank you,


Diane


 


 

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

My question of May 28 was never answered and there was over 86.00 taken out of my checking account. what's going on with that?

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