As charming and clever as he can be, I wonder if this guy can say or write anything truthful about himself. I assume that in 3 months you have asked him quite a bit about himself--his work, his interests, his PAST, his family. Did you get answers that you believed?
Kate doesn't seem to be responding today, so I'll do it. I read your previous communication.
Does he rely on humor non-stop? Is charming, quirky and childlike all he does? He could casg a spell on you with those moves, but did he do that when he met your people? and how much has he let you into HIS life? Do you know what's important to him beside YOU?
I can read the following true statements in his clever babblings:
1. He quite possibly has manic-depressive disorder: With you he's manic; everywhere else he's depressive. I'm more sure of the depressive part than of the manic. But you can provide the evidence for that: Has he been almost fanatically UpBeat and HighEnergy almost all the time that he spends with you? Does he not want or need much sleep?
If you haven't felt overwhelmed or frightened when you've spent a lot of time with him, then his bipolar disorder may be mild. But he seems to be very frightened to reveal anything about himself, so any questions about him or his past might have evoked mostly evasive answers.
He may be just as frightened of real relationship as he is of failing and losing it again this time. So it would be valuable to get him to talk about his relationship history. If he will.
Before passing judgment on his mental capacity to hold up his end of a love relationship, I'd like to know what you have found out from talking with him for 3 months. 3 months is normal for a woman to spring "the talk" that immature men dread, with the "C" word hanging in the air above the "L" word. But believe it or not "Immature" is not just another word for "masculine." Let me make myself clear: When anyone is afraid to say the L word, it's because he or she "knows" that Love means Commitment to a future together. His flight a few days ago and now swooping around you like a swallow in search of a bell-tower says to me that he's either afraid of a relationship because he has NO experience with them, or afraid of revealing that he has no solid core to his personality and knows that you'll find him out.
"I miss you" and "your legs are awesome" are a start at expressing feelings in ways that men can cope with better than what you were fishing for. But coming clean about himself so you can know him as he really is (and not as a "mime") is a form of commitment that I would not want to do without if I were you. What do you want to know about him that you don't know yet?
Maybe he'd like to think he's a bipolar guy from that movie Silver Linings Playbook. But a movie character is an actor, and you'll need to get him to take his mask off, even if he has to run away a bit each time.
First I want to thank you for responding. Ididn't think anyone did till just now.His family background and history is what brought us together. And we spend most of our time talking about our past, growing up and our families. I have slept in the same bed with him 4 times. We kiss alot...I've worn beautiful lingerie from a gift card he gave me.. but we have not had sex.. we hold eachother like the roots of a tree. intertwined.. but...HE has pleased me once orally. As I have been married for 23 years Im ok until I get a commitment from him,... but dont want to scare him. Do I just ask?
Gonna see him later for dinner.
So you know his family background and relationship history--I assume the first term in that equation is a lot longer than the second one. You didn't answer my questions about whether he might be bipolar as his clever babblings telegraph. Though his relationship intelligence could just be about 20 years behind his physical age. Which would be likely to stem from some crippling lack in is family history. But I'm just exercising my therapist-amateur-diagnosis repertoire because I don't know anything about him except his cute mime.
Just ask him what? He isn't going to stay in his hideout (dont' call it "man-cave"), so you're holding all the high cards. But I don't know what you want me to help with. Does he have a history of bailing out before 6 months are up? Does he have a long painful family history?
If it's the C word & it's younger sibling the L word that's scaring him, then just give him some more line to swim around with, cuz he IS on your hook.
PS He LIKES to express his feelings obliquely in writing. Give him some appreciation for his writing--even put some of your own creativity on his wavelength if you're up to it, and he'll definitely keep coming back for more.
Have you been divorced long enough that you're ready for commitment? If it's only been a year or two since your divorce, then a playful sparky romance might be just what the heart-doctor ordered. If you met over sharing recent&past histories, then you might BOTH be in posthumous healing-relationship mode. If so, then YOUR TIMING IS PERFECT. Try a little improv pantomime with him, and go caterwauling like stray cats on a backfence in the moonlight. YOu might have talents that only his comic spark can awaken.
Once again thank you for your reply. It is comforting knowing there is someone I can talk to and get some educated insight.
The gentelman I am seeing has 6 sisters and is from Iowa. Mother was a teacher and father was a farmer/funeral director. One sister suffered from bulimia and they had a family intervention. I also have a daughter that turned bulimic at the age of 17 when her Dad abandoned our family. Although not a good thing,this illness and how we handled it was something that we shared. He has shared wonderful christmas memories and childhood stories that I believe are genuine and heartwarming. I have met one of his sister's, her x-husband, his neice and almost all of his friends.
He has baked cakes for my father and daughter (birthday) and not so sure about the graduation cake that was offered for 6/1 (graduation).He mentioned having a BBQ at his house to meet my family very early on... He has been so wonderful that He has made me think.. If my husband felt this way about the women he left me for...l can understand why he did it. And I thought for sure Pat (his name) was crazy wild for me and felt the same way.
Pat (never married) came out of a 6 year relationship with a woman (did not live together) in Feb.... mine a 23 year marriage (3 kids) and together 27 years...ended 2 years ago. I never thought I could ever be with another man... no less want to please him, look beautiful, feel beautiful, and actually WANT to make love to someone else.
HERE IS WHERE I THINK THINGS UNRAVELED
I referred to his home as a man cave...I did not follow up on his offer to have my family to his home and I asked him if he was on the fence regarding his feeling toward me. I believed it was not my place to follow up on the offer and wanted to be sure our relationship was heading in the right direction before I introduced him to my family. That is when He went awal.
Last night we went to dinner and it felt very akward.. he could barely look me in the eyes. I asked if he was seeing someone else or did he want to see someone else and he said no...but I cant help believe that's not ture. Pat is a local TV sports personality and I feel asleep last night while his broadcast was on... I sent him a playful text today regarding it and he has not replyed... I want to pull him back in ... call him ... email him.... something... I think I at least deserve an explaination of why he has done this about face. ...but I am so conflicted. I think I'll only exasperate the problem by pushing the issue.... do I just let it go....Do I call him... text him again.... email my thoughts to him... Should I go back on Match.com (knowing he will find out and that will make things worse) or the heck with it, just chalk this one up?
My question of May 28 was never answered and there was over 86.00 taken out of my checking account. what's going on with that?