Would you be so kind to rate my answer Ms. Marie? Hope we can connect later. I will check back later to see if you have responded.
I hope you are doing well this morning. Sorry about last time. I couldn't get back to you right away. I was interrupted. My husband still has not said anything about the letter I sent. It's as if I didn't even send it. Weird. I know they are aware of it though since I sent it to her son. My husband talks to me through e-mail like everything is fine. He still does things for me at the house. I have decided to make a lot of changes at the house such as change the kitchen, spring clean and paint. I can't wait to see what he has to say about making the house more girly with lots of flowers and pink. lol
Right now even without me doing anything to the house he worries about what is going on there. This includes the yard. He comments on anything little thing I do and makes suggestions. Why do you think he does this? One time I told him that I worked in the front yard for about an hour and he dropped what he was doing and went over there to check it out. lol
Wait until I make all those changes to show that there is no doubt a woman lives there. I'm sure he then will Sh*t a brick. haha
P.S. I forgot to tell you that one of his complaints about me was that I showed no passion for anything like a hobby or working the yard or anything else. The reason was because I was a work aholic. I think this was a big issue in our marriage. Anyway, about a month ago he asked me when I was gonig to start cooking in the crock pot. I had told him I was going to start doing that, but never did. I couldn't figure out why he even cared. He also kept telling me to keep up the good work and keep working in the yard too. It's like he enjoys seeing me take interest in things. I think that was a big issue. Me wanting to work all the time and us just being in a rut. Now I want to change all that and I'm trying a little bit a time, but it's hard without him there.
You're welcome Jean. You deserve even more in my opinion (if I had it). Thank you for your reply.
I was cleaning out my e-mail inbox and came accross an e-mail from my husband back on 5/29/12 ( a year ago). Keep in mind he had been having an affair with the other woman almost a year at that point. Does this look like a man who was unhappy with his wife? He was supportive of me and always encouraged me when I was down and worried about our bills and things. He even added quotes to the e-mail to try and cheer me up. Now you see why I was shocked that he left me almost 8 months ago for someone else? I can’t make any sense of this. What are your thoughts?
Hey Sweetie, I know you are stuck in your dark place and I cant pull you out. :( But I am here. I am positive. I know things are not where you want them, but I want you to keep your chin up, I know you dont think the same way I do or see things the way I do, but you keep going, we have so much to be thankful for compared to bad. I have a couple bookmarks of quotes, and I shared some with you. I know you may think its silly, but I am just gonna keep being the optimist. Dont think I dont know how dire things are, but we will be okay in the end. You have to believe that or whats the point in moving forward. :)
Love You Baby.
Hope you have a nice day!
If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable.
There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Men's best successes come after their disappointments.
XXXXX XXXXX Beecher
The best way out is always through.
Money talks, but all it ever says is good-bye.
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
A wise man adapts himself to circumstances as water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it.
I just wanted to check in with you and let you know what's going on. I'm replying on this thread because I need to talk about the Facebook crap again.
Well, so far she isn't putting any pictures of them two as her profile or on the Facebook cover. However, when my husband puts a status on his Facebook news feed, he makes it public for anyone to see. It's like he wants me to see his statuses. He has been doing this since I told him we can't be friends, which was 2.5 months ago. I don't remember if I mentioned that to you or not. I may not have since he wasn't putting anything up that bad.
However, now for the last two weeks he mentions her name in his FB statuses quite often. He had surgery a few weeks back and his first status where he mentions her says that he is being taken care of by a good nurse. She comments and says...And who would that be???? She actually did put 4 question marks. It's like she wanted to be acknowledged by name so I would see it. And how cruel is that for him to make that public and not change it to friends on FB? What is wrong with him? Anyway, ever since that status, there have been more with her name (when there wasn't before). It's like he is trying to get my attention and make me jealous. I just don't get it. All the hurt he has caused me and he wants to continue to cause me more. All I can think of is that he must think I don't care or ever did care I guess, or maybe he hates me for some reason. What do you think about this behavior?
The last status with them two was about him flirting with another woman in a store. He actually put that in a status with her name (so it would show up on her wall) as if he was even trying to provoke her. And it worked because she made comments about it under his status, talking about him flirting with a young girl and that it got him in trouble and on and on. I think my husband has a serious ego problem. Do you think he could be a narcissist? He is already trying to make her jealous? WTH?
With all this said, I guess my exposure letter didn't mean a thing. They both don't care because they talk about their relationship on Facebook in the open for all to see. It's as if they don't care and they have no shame. These two have no conscious in my opinion.
Well, I have to admit something to you. I blocked him from my actual FB account, but I have another account that I can use for spying since he has his statuses public. I know, I know. I'm just torturing myself, but I can't help looking. It's like being a fly on the wall. And also, the reason I started looking at his FB account was to see if he was making a fool out of me by mentioning her name and basically showing people that he doesn't really care about people knowing about their affair. It is a way for me to keep tabs on him to see if he was continuing to humiliate me in public and of course he is.
I think what you said about her wanting him to recognize her is correct. She is probably feeling insecure about their relationship so this is his way of trying to make her feel more secure. If that's the case though, then my question about this is why try and make her jealous by flirting with some young girl in front of her in a store? He didn't even behave that way when he was with me. Something is seriously F**Ked up about that.
They don't know 100% that I am looking because I don't tell anyone that I am. I never say anything to him about it. What's even sicker is that he still continues to do things for me at the house and act nice to me in e-mails.
I heard that his behavior is Wayward Fog behavior according to Marriage Builders. It's like a being from another planet has invaded his body and mind and he acts completely different. Like you said...Teenagers. Marriage Builders says that's what fantasy affairs are and that's how they act. I also go on to FB and look at his statuses because I am trying to find proof that they are living together. I asked him in an e-mail if he moved, but he said no.
Also, what do you think about Marriage Builders? Do you think they are a good organization?
It's been awhile since we talked. I hope all is well on your end. Well, things are the same between my husband and I. Right now he is dragging his feet on getting things from the house. I even suggested he turn over his keys. He said he would but of course he made sure he mentioned a few things that might change my mind on taking them from him. What he said worked, so it's the status quo for now.
Also, I asked him if I could keep running my end of the business until January and then take my name off the business. He actually said yes to this. In other words he is letting me control all the finances of it, which means he has to ask me how much he can take out of the business each week. What the hell? I can only imagine what is bimbo girlfriend thinks about this. Why would he continue to let me have control like this? Of course the reason I suggested it is because I will benefit from it. I don't trust that he will be able to keep the books correctly and will run the business in the ground because of it. I want to make sure I keep getting paid from it so I suggested having a hand in it until then. Basically, I'm putting it off so to speak. What are you thoughts on this?
I know and I can’t believe it’s been almost a year this Oct since my husband left. At this point I don’t even want him back. I just want him to still love me and care about me and have some regrets. I know that is strange isn’t it? I want her out of our lives so bad. I really hate her and most days I really hate him. Him coming back would never work anyway if I even had that option. There is no trust. Like my Mom said, it would take some kind of woman to take back someone who hurt me as bad as he did. I can’t even describe it. I go through complete hell. There is no hurt as bad as the hurt of rejection of your long time spouse and the shock of knowing your spouse was living a double life. In fact I read somewhere that what I am going through is worse than a parent losing a child. Have you ever heard that? I don’t have children, but I can believe it to some degree.
The last few days I have had to see him because we are going through a bankruptcy. It’s been hard on me. I was hoping since it has been almost a year that it would be getting easier, but it’s not at all. I hate being alone here at the house. I have gone out of town a few times by myself and I enjoyed it even though it was just me. He knew about it because he took care of the dogs. He didn’t ask me where I was going, but I found out he mentioned to his Mom that I went out of town two times and he told one of our mutual friends who told me. I don’t know the details of what he said to his Mom or to the friend. Anyway, I hate the weekends. It seems Saturday is the worst because I know they both are together on Saturdays and then will go out Saturday evening to dinner or whatever.
Anyway, you are not going to believe what he said to me yesterday when I saw him. I told him that if he wanted to start coming back over to the house on weekends to work in the yard, that it was OK. I told him that I know it’s hard for him to get any yard work done during the week because he is working. He told me that he was wondering when he would get to come over again and that he has been reading about what I have been going through and the stages of grief. He even said that he could tell which stage I was in according to my e-mails. Keep in mind he and I never talk on the phone and we haven’t seen each other in about 4 months until two days ago. WTH???????????????? Don’t you think that is weird Jean? Why would he even be interested in what I am going through? Why would he waste his time? And last I checked, he is not a psychologist. I about fell in the floor laughing over that BS. I think he made it up. This happened when he came to my job to pick up some paperwork yesterday. And while we were standing out there in the parking lot talking I could tell he wanted to keep touching me and hugging me, but I think he knew I didn’t want him to touch me.
Well, like I was discussing before, I guess the reason I was surprised about him letting me basically control the business until the end of the year was because I thought he wanted my hands out of it ASAP so he could re-name the business after the bankruptcy and control it himself. This way he would completely be free of me. Basically, I would think if she knew what he said to me, she would be ticked off. But, this woman strikes me as the type that no matter what he does, she will hang on to him. She doesn’t even realize that he is using both of us by having sex with her and having his cake with me by figuring out some way to keep me in his life for some reason. I hope you can try and help me decode all this stuff I asked you.
Hope your Sat. isn't too lonely. Thanks for allowing me to be part of your day. I am sorry for your sadness, your struggle in all of this. This sort of loss is absolutely like a death- right up there with the loss of a child. Wow was it b.s. or he had a b.s.???lol in his comments about the "stage" of grief and loss you are in.
It does sound like he's thinking about you, missing you. The way you describe him wanting to hug you etc. He does care- the guilt, remorse, and loss of you. He may be sensing that you have "moved on"- less likely to wait around for him. He may have bee sustained in knowing you continued to love him-even though he's the one who stepped out of marriage. Is he maybe sensing that closure?? It's back to speculating but natural for you to continue to have questions and wanting answers. You have been hurt beyond words by the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with.
You wound of thunk she would react to his contact with you. You are the cake!!! A beautifully decorated comfort food-like the comfy slippers. The time and love he's shared with you runs deep and he is missing you my friend.
Have a good Sat. you deserve it. Always good to hear from you!
Oh my goodness Jean you made me cry. You have a way with words. If he misses me and the love we shared, I wonder why he doesn't leave her and try and get back with me? I get mixed messages from him. I never hear from him on the weekends through texts or e-mail so I assume he is happy with her. I know he sees her every weekend. However, I get e-mails from him every single day during the week. Sometimes he tries to have conversations with me in those e-mails. It's so confusing. Like I said I don't want him back and we can't be friends really, but I hate not being able to talk to him. I miss him.
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