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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Customer Question

I meet this guy online and I am sure but I never meet any men in public always online. He seems fine, the only I have a probelm is that smokes weed, and we have yet to met but he keeps in contact daily which is good. WE seem to have a lot in common, my question should I give him a chance my daughter has ashma but he says he is not a chronic person who smokes weed, ( whatever that means). Plus, in discussing relationship and dating he mention that one of the lady he meet wanted to be married within 18 months and he left her alone because he feels you really dont know anyone within the time frame. I told him I would not push marrigae in 18 p months but I am looking for a last ing relationshiop that would lead to marriage. Am I wasting my time with him? I honeslty you know a person by a year but I could be wrong. The funny part is I teach againsr substance abuse with elementary and I told him this. I have dated a smoker before but he woudl always go out side and never disrespect me or the baby,The guy that I meet believes in taking thinsg slow, being friends until a relationship is formed which is fine by me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

This creates a dilemma for you, I'm sure in terms of a moral dilemma plus your daughter has asthma - this could potentially cause problems in the future should you both become serious about one another, so you're right in thinking this through carefully to consider all of your options.

If he's also concerned about you wanting long term commitments then it could create problems further down the line. You really need to go with your gut feeling but base this alongside whether you could tolerate someone that smokes weed - even if it was outside or not frequently, could you still accept this despite you teaching against such habits?

It feels as though sooner or later you will struggle with this and rather than creating any form of strong feelings/dependency towards him, you might want to meet up for a couple of dates and see whether you feel it could work for you (trying to establish a relationship with him) or not and based on this, decide if you can pursue or not. You could be clear about this to him too, so to not mislead as he would need to be aware of your intentions and thoughts clearly around this. It is a hard decision perhaps for you as you are telling me you really connect with him, but you do need to think about this long term and whether you have the moral strength and tolerance to deal with his habit and also his apprehension around long term commitments. My best to you and I hope you can come up with a decision soon.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do have another question though. Just trying to read your response correctly, try to go on a few dates and voice my opinion about him and my daughter ashma, I did explain to him she does have it. Also, I met a second guy who seems have a issue because his son was sexually malesculated at age 12, so he wants me to bring my 2 year old along if a relationship is formed with us, and he smokes also. I explained that I will make independent decisions regarding her, and if I need u to step in I will ask. To me, we dont have the same strong connnection as the other guy. He mention he will not smoke around my daughter and he ui slowing down and will not smoke outside of my residence . He seems to have problems with roommate and told me he will either most of him with me ( if I am okay with that ) or his brother on the southwest of side of houston. How do I deal with this? he seems controlling and in love with my daugher before wew even met . Then he says she will have double fu88kin protection with both of us, I dont trust family, He mentions I will let you bring her to a baby sitter for noe, but in time things will change. He is not her father why is acting like this? He already assumed the instant father role. We only did a face to face video call once.
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

I'm uncertain what you mean regarding this second guy, are you asking whether he can be trusted or whether he has issues? He sounds desperate to sort his son's issues out but your daughter is not the way for others to resolve their problems, he needs to be encouraged to go seek counseling for his son and not use your daughter as a means (no matter how harmless it may be).

Regarding your initial concern, I meant that if you felt you needed to offer some clarity to him, and for you to decide once and for all, you could go on a couple of dates and decide based on that, whether you would pursue a relationship with him. I hope you can work through this soon, it feels like a difficult situation to be in but quite straightforward depending on how you might look at this. Best of luck!
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes, trying to see if I can trust him..If he seems controlliong or not?
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
There does seem an element of controlling behavior however it is difficult to know completely. Just be careful and trust your gut feeling on this, you have the knowledge of the history behind him and his problems, so take this on board and remember, this is about what's best for you and your daughter.

My very best to you, T, hope you sort it soon.
-----------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi T,

Thank you for your positive rating, it is very much appreciated.
My very best to you and I hope it all works out for you.

Karin

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Karin Samms
Karin Samms
Counselor
299 Satisfied Customers
with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues