Thank you Christy for rating my service as excellent. I think if you make conditions to protect yourself from getting used for sex--like saying "I feel good when I'm with you, but I want to get to know a guy pretty well before I get too intimate sexually, so I prefer to spend at least a month dating before going to bed together." (Or substitute your own limit, but make it more than two weeks, so the quick in-quick gone guys will just get gone, instead of getting into your body and then leaving you feeling like worn-out clothes. That way you'll find out if there's anything YOU like about the guy besides the fact that he's after you, and you'll know whether you have anything else in common besides Me Tarzan You Jane. find out if a guy will do something with you that YOU like to do--cuz if you get serious, you'll want to have a fair and balanced relationship rather than him calling all the shots or sucking you dry financially.
Sorry for the lecture, but if you set up standards for what you want from a guy, then the dirtbags will slink away before you start to care about them. It's natural to love somebody who wants to be with you, so it's necessary to be REAL CHOOSY right away, so you'll greatly reduce how often you get used and hurt. (Nobody can love without getting hurt, because hurt is part of love; but you can love without getting used.)
ok, last question, why can't I call him myself and talk to him? That's the only problem I'm really having, if you like/love somebody enough you can work through your problems together, every time I think about trying to call him, I don't get nervous or scared, I just put it off and never do it, what can I do to get over this?
Dear Christy, I just got home from a long hike. To your last question: You're not the only person that thinks that everybody ought to be able to talk about uncomfortable issues with somebody they love, and there are more people LIKE YOU that can't bring up such problems than there are the CAN bring them up.
Believe it of not, it's a lot easier to have sex than to have intimate conversation, and it's even harder yet to have honest conversation about intimate issues. Plently people can't talk about what they want from each other when they're not getting it EVEN AFTER YEARS OF LIVING TOGETHER. And you don't really know this guy that well at all.
And I suspect there may be another problem underneath your question: did you ever feel like your father (or perhaps your mother also) cared a lot about what YOU thought and felt about things? In fact Most kids growing up don't get the experience that their parents want to know what's affecting them, and they're usually accurate to think that what they want and feel isn't important enough to parents (esp fathers)--so they're better off just keeping their mouth shut and forgetting about what was bothering them. I'm suggesting that your father may have showed you somehow that he would probably ignore anything that you said, unless it was what he wanted you to say. So you (and most others) learned to not trust men to care about what you think and feel. Unlearning that lesson ("Children should be seen but not heard") takes years and years of adulthood. The quickest way I know to learn to speak up to people you're naturally afraid to disturb is couple counseling -- because intimate partners and parents are the most important ones to speak your mind to -- an assertiveness training in groups -- for more general situations outside of intimacy.
You may have believed since childhood without fully realizing it that the only way to get loved by someone that matters to you is to figure out what they want and give it to them "with a smile." You began by writing that you weren't sure you were ready for a serious relationship yet, since you're only single for 3 years. And you've also explained that you get the wrong kinds of guys.
So the best thing you can do to GET YOURSELF MORE READY is to seek counseling as a kind of tutoring in the arts of managing couple relationships, and perhaps also explore what you learned about relationships and yourself in them from your experiences in childhood--so that you can change yourself towards a new person and also treat each new encounter with more emotional intelligence. For that has to be learned step by step, and you're likely to face more fears than what you can imagine now before you've started.
But transforming yourself into a new version of you is a great commitment to finding and being respected by the right kind of a guy, right because he'll have to cope with the new you that you've grown in your counseling.