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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Good Morning,My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am 54 (June -55) I

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Good Morning, My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am 54 (June -55) I have been married 23 years, however, I am in the process of a divorce. I am over that, but as a result I started dated and am not too sure of the proper protocal of current dating. Recently, I met a man that I am crazy about. I thought he was nuts over me as well. We have been dating for the last 3 months almost 4 to 5 times a week and things were unbelieveable. Suddenly, this past Tuesday he got very sensitive over me referring to his home as "His Man Cave" . Then to make matters worse, I wanted him to verbalize how he felt about me before I intoduced him to my parents and children (18, 22, 23) which he requested to meet. He has been wonderful and has shown me in his actions what a super guy he is, however I wanted to hear it in his own words as well. He tells me constantly that I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his life, and I believe HE believes that, but that tells me he thinks I'm beautiful,,, not how he actually feels. Upon me pressing the issue....he turned.... walked away.... and I never heard from him again. I reacted like I would have if this was one of my kids or my husband, probably the wrong thing to do....but I did it. I foolishly tried to call him 2X (3rd time I left a message) and text him as well from his driveway... (Ugg) and he ignored all my efforts. I know that is a bit extream.. but I felt like I hurt him and that was not my intention. He was frustrated and seemed baffeled when we walked away. One day we were going out to spend the day out and before we left he pulled out this gift card that his sisters gave him in 2005. He explained he had been holding on to it for a long time and wanted to use it for a special occassion. He handed it to me and asked me to put it in my purse. (which I did) anyway we didn't go to that imparticular resturnate that night because it did not fit our scheduled plans, so I still have the certificate. I bought a cute card and put the certificate in it feeling it wasnt my place to keep as he had held onto it for so many years. THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP. I want to text or call him as it's been 4 days since this happened. What is the "dating" protocal on things like this. How long do you wait before you make a move? I don't think I felt this way about my husband...My heart is aching to see him again xxxxxx Met through his friend on match.com who forwarded my profile to his personal email because he was not a member. His friend thought I was “out of his league” and would be a better match for his friend. He got upset when he found out I dated someone the same weekend I met him. Baked a cake for my dad and daughter’s birthdays Bought me a 200.00 gift card for Victoria’s secret. Made me met his sister , friends and niece Invited me to a wedding in OCTOBER in Iowa and discussed it with his sister in front of me Wanted to make plans for my birthday in June. Asked me what I wanted Wanted to have my parents and kids over his house to met them.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like he was interested in you and things were going well for the time you were together. Your request to have him talk about his feelings regarding meeting your family were not unusual at all. You simply wanted to hear how he felt. And referring to his home as his "man cave" was not wrong either. He may not have liked it, but a simple discussion on his part would have addressed it.

His reaction to you asking about how he feels about you is very extreme. For someone to go from expressing he feels you are beautiful, giving you gifts and making plans for the future to shutting you out completely is a huge reaction in the opposite direction. This sounds almost abusive on his part. No one who is interested in another person is going to just abruptly leave the relationship. People do not shut their feelings off like that unless there is something wrong such as a personality disorder or severe anger/controlling issues.

You may want to give this more time to see how he reacts. If things are normal with him, he should calm down and contact you in a week or so. But if he does not, you can send him the card and let him know how you feel. If it has been 4 days without contact already, then maybe give it the weekend and send the card next week. If he doesn't respond, then you may have to move on. I know that is not ideal, but you have tried everything you could to make this work. And if he doesn't respond, it may be that he has too many issues that would have hurt you in the long run if you had stayed with him.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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