How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige , Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
15718554
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

So i have a serious issue. I love my girlfriend soo much, but

Customer Question

So i have a serious issue. I love my girlfriend soo much, but i am not sexually attracted to her. It is so weird.
it is worth noting that i get turned on by many girls who hit on me. To be honest, i even had sex with a couple of them just to check that "everything" was ok physically. i had no issues what so ever.
She is a very beautiful girl. When i say beautiful, i mean BEAUTIFUL..
She tried so many times to initiate sex for the last couple of months, but i was always reluctant.
So what is wrong with me?? please help.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. What is going on here is that you are attracted to to thrill of the chase and that you want what you can't (or shouldn't have). You have her, you are with her, the excitement, therefore attraction looks for another. What you need to do is examine your relationship and future with her and determine if you really do love her. You indicated that you cheated on her, so I would question your dedication. Regardless if you cheated to "test" things to make sure they worked, that is not as relevant as you emotionally were able to do it and seem to have little remorse for it, justifying it by your reasoning. I see a red flag here as to your love for her and what it really means. You need to decide if this is the girl you want to be with and that you are willing to work on this issue in order to be with her, only her and perhaps marry some day if this is how you feel about her. I do think that you have some underlying problems in the relationship however, other than the obvious one you address here, because there is a cause for it. Someone who is in love, is also attracted to their girlfriend physically because of that love at least on some level. If you have the issue of being satisfied with the catch and wanting to move on to another chase, then maybe your feelings are not as deep as you think they are.
The first thing you need to do is make a choice. Either dedicate yourself to her and fixing your issue, or try a separation from her in order to think a little more clearly about your real feelings and what you want. If you dedicate yourself to her, I highly suggest being able to see a local counselor face to face who can get to know you in more depth than we are able to address in this forum. You will be able to get a more accurate and personalized plan of action as to how to see your girlfriend differently than an accomplishment of sorts. You can certainly have pleasurable sex with her if you make some adjustments mentally with her, try some different things, etc. If you know you can please her, it can help you feel good to know that you can do this as well, leading to more of a satisfaction on your part. You have obviously had sex with her in the past, so maybe it was a bad experience that needs to be improved on. If you do love her, you need to put forth every effort to resolve this. Analyze your feelings towards her and decide if you really do love her or you just enjoy her friendship. If you come to the conclusion that this is a good friendship and nothing more, then you need to consider moving on.
When she initiates sex, you should go for it anyways and try to let go of the mental block about it to see where it takes you.
Be honest with yourself and your future. Take some time for yourself to do this if you need to. Are you certain about your intentions? How deep and real is this relationship? Be aware of her feelings about this as well. Women know when something is wrong or going on.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1664
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1664
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    915
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/mschase2u/2009-01-04_010319_chaseface.jpg Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    853
    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/AL/aliciamiller/2012-4-9_21330_profilepicture.64x64.jpg Alicia_MSW's Avatar

    Alicia_MSW

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    453
    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    414
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    366
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions