Dear Tina, I'll have to respond to your questions tomorrow, because it's too late now. I recognize that you're in a bit of a bind now, because you know that the outcome of this encounter is supposed to be marriage, and that makes "premarital courtship" a loaded concept. That seems to me to mess with your feelings, and his too.
And I'll guess that Othman is also aiming to "live down" or "get beyond" the failure of his previous 3 yr relationship by making this one work out--which could also have some bearing on his insisting on taking all the time you need. And I do have some acquaintance with Muslim courtship behavior.
I know that when a muslim bride is too uncomfortable with sex to get physical, her new husband can be very careful to not come on too fast, yet also feel frustrated inside himself, while he's trying to get her ready to become his own physically. Who initiated the sex you had that got you pregnant?
Perhaps he really wants to do it right this time, and he's really worried that he'll mess things up and this hoped-for marriage will turn out badly like the other one he had. (Did he get a green card through that marriage? Did he marry her partly to get the green card, but then really want it to work out?)
Now if he's really going (too) slow to make sure you want him before he moves too much toward you, I notice that he's nourishing you, feeding and honoring you. It's possible that he's waiting to see you blossom like a flower that he's giving water and sunshine (admiration) to. And you've been a show girl before, so you could blossom by making yourself pretty and alluring (though not blatantly sexy but modestly beautiful) so he feels erotically how his nurturing and respectful caring are filling you with feminine pride.
But that brings me to a key question I have to address. I'm convinced that if you want him to desire you and go into an erotic trance when he's with you, you will succeed. (Don't you know that a woman -- or also a man -- can bring about such an erotic state by just imagining it, that is visualizing erotic-beautiful scenes, such as the two of you leaning together on a wide bed that's overflowing in sensuous aromatic flowers. The only thing I'd caution you about using psychic influence like this is that such imaginings work even more strongly on the person who's imagining them than on the person they're aimed at.
So if you want him to come to you, he will. BUT I'm more concerned about your prospects for a durable long-term relationship or marriage than about whether you can fall into love together or not. And one way to predict that is to look at astrological charts. I've done that a few dozen times, and my wife has many more times than that, using a different method than I have. A chart comparison will not MAKE or BREAK a relationship, but it will show where there are aspects that are so strongly star-crossed to be compelling--such as a pretty common combination of Sun&Venus (though less than 50% present) that indicates it will always be easy for both partners to be aware of Love between them, some central positions that point to the overall purpose or central area of effectiveness of the relationship; persistent difficulties with adjustment between one's preferences and the other's preferences, areas of stubborn conflict, etc. What a chart comparison can tell you is whether the relationshikp will
1. be a natural love which would then give the areas of difficulty the rewards for coping that can help a couple keep it going long-term fairly easily, or
2. be loaded with many major areas of conflict and NOT a lot of rewarding or easy aspects, so it would be a struggle to make it work--tho even a struggle helps us build our character, or
3. not strongly tilted towards either good magnetism OR persistent difficulties, so the relationship can be up to the partners to make of it what they are willing to work for.
Since your son's life will be much influenced by this relationship, I think it would be wise to find out if your astro-comparisons are types 1 or 3, rather than type 2, before you commit yourself, as you now seem to be sliding forward, to allowing Love to carry you both away, since it appears to me that Othman does want that to happen. And IF he's really committed to staying in America, AND being a modernized, Westernized muslim, then you do have a chance of creating the fair& balanced relationship you want.
I lent out the calculation program I used for over 20 years and the person lost it. But I found out tonight that I could download what may be an adequate program for free, so I did it. If you both would be willing to give me your birth times and places, I could do that, and it would only take me an hour or so, once I've mastered the new program.
Well, I didn't let these plans sit around over night.
Letters are definitely beneficial, because one thinks before writing and before responding. And the other isn't looking at you to make you too awkward to write what you really think. It's great that you want to delve deeper into yourself. (Hey, I would guess without knowing you in person that your lack of "hands-on" parents led you to trade your adolescent heat ("she's hot") for some hands-on, but no substitute for parenting.
Wow! almost 40! Maybe you really needed this accident to get you into the next stage of your own adulthood! I'll need the PLACE of your birth and of Othman's too, AND the place where this relationship is happening, because that affects the composite relationship chart. I can get latitude & longitude off of the Internet. I used relationship charts in my couple counseling in Florida, often without telling the clients, because MEN typically assume astrology MUST be bunk, because Western science is sophisticated but hugely flawed in its narrow assumptions and statistical methods. Carl Jung (who stood on Freud's shoulders as the greatest psychologist of the unconscious, but saw cosmic unity where Freud saw godlessness) was once given 500 pairs of charts and guessed which ones were married couples with 96% accuracy. A French statistician tested astrological predictions on thousands of charts to disprove it "once and for all." But his astrological prediction results were correct to less than 5% probability of occurrence by "chance," (as were Jung's) so he insisted there had to be some OTHER theoretical explanation instead of 4,000 years of astrological knowledge to account for its accuracy.
But astrology does not RULE our lives. I had a client around 20 years ago from my college in Daytona Beach who was an airplane mechanic dating a Vietnamese-American lawyer, and they fought horribly. His girlfriend went to a female psychologist who eventually refused to treat her if she wouldn't break up with my client. They got married in spite of my efforts too, and she lost her engagement ring in a waterfall on their honeymoon in Hawaii. I finally ran their charts and found a very difficult aspect with Pluto, suggesting they would be fighting forever because only ONE of them could be on top--no balance of power was possible (Pluto was the god of the underworld, like the headguy of the Mafia). I told him that issue would never go away--but the basic Venus/Sun conjunction was present also. Last time I heard from him there was a picture of his half-Vietnamese child, now living in Atlanta (where I'm now living too). So maybe there's some way that a long life together can harmonize incessant conflict on a higher level too.
If you're getting warmed up already then you don't need the advice I've given. (I'm a Scorpio too, and I avoided women with beauty-power unless I didn't realize initially how alluring they were, because I didn't know how to manage my sexuality except by dampening it by choosing women I wasn't TOO attracted to). And back to astrology: My wife (who was TOO beautiful for me, but I didn't know it because she didn't dress to show off "what she's got") is a Sagittarius like Othman- so it's very possible that you'll have Sun/Venus conjunct (as we do) and also that you'll either have Mars and/or Mercury very close together in your birth charts (which makes relating Intense and instinctually natural) OR around 30degrees apart (which makes relating difficult, because your natural preferences on many things will CLASH, as mine do with my wife's). But if your Mars, Venus and Mercury positions are more than 6-8degrees apart but NOT close to 25-35degrees apart, then NEITHER the EASY nor the CONSTANT ADJUSTMENT characteristic will be present. In my case with my wife, we like VERY LITTLE of the same music, art, leisure activities, competitive activities, ways of doing therapy or ways of thinking (except politics, where we thrive as we do on ANYTHING we can really come together & see eye to eye on).
So get me Othman's birth time & city and your city, and your present living area, so I can use those coordinates to do the first charts on my new program. But no rush. With your birthdays being 6 days apart, your chances are quite good of having more easy predictive astrology than difficult, and overall good prognostication -- if you can manage the cultural discrepancies. If you're lucky, you might also find out thru this relationship that you also have higher power in your celestial choir-loft, and there's no blame in having agnostic reservations about naming or describing it. I myself have no way of deciding whether my own version is a cosmic soul-doctor that works through me or an unconscious choir of human energies that carves out exquisite artworks in everyone's dreams.
I tried Zumba at my new YMCA NE of Atlanta, and decided it's a little too fast for me (at 70, "I like to reggae, but you dance too fast for me"). I didn't lose my breath, and I'm a good dancer, but I figured it would take me 3 or 4 repeated hours before I'd get both the top moves and the bottom moves down at that speed--and I'd rather do yoga instead, where I might have some meditative time in my hour. (But the American yoga teachers don't seem to have ANY CLUE that yoga is supposed to be a spiritual practice, and that's really disappointing. At least ZUmba is fun and the music is lively.
Othman's birth time is going to matter, because his rising sign is very important an d will also determine where the central focus of your relationship chart will be: Ego-development-my first love and my only marriage of 28 yrs); security; friendship; home/family; romance/creativity; health/service; partnership; death&rebirth/personal-Transformation/psychotherapy; higher consciousness/philosophy; career; creating a better world (my own personal center); or spiritual-life. I'll get to it soon, but not tonight, since I have to make sure I know how to use the free program.
I appreciate your update. I wonder if Othman will ask his mother for his birth time? If he won't then I'll learn how to use my new program and just run his chart for birthtime = dawn, though it'll miss a lot of significant information. I do believe that he's hung up on getting a job so he can feel right about being your partner. And when I put that together with his failure to ask anything about you, it suggests this:
He's very culturally confined in his perspective on life and marriage. You will probably NOT get much of the American style marriage you're expecting if you marry him. He won't expect to be best-friends with you, because MOST other cultures world-wide think that's ridiculous for men and women to think their interests should be that similar. He'll probably spend most of his time with his muslim male friends and expect you to stay home with the baby almost always and do all your socializing with other women, who are preferably also mothers tending to their children. If it doesn't occur to him that love for Americans "should" have a very passionate side to it, because Muslim men only expect to keep their wives happy with gifts and giving lengthy sexual pleasure but not with intimate&quality time together, then it's not surprising that his other American marriage went south. If he doesn't realize that he's got a lot to learn that's not in his Egyptian playbook to make a marriage be worth maintaining for you, then you're probably headed for defeat, since I doubt that you'll want to restrain yourself into the dutiful and separate-spheres mold that's expected of muslim wives.
So I'd suggest you write him again. I think that texting may shorted your messages too much, but basically I'd ask him this: "If you want to make our parent relationship into a marriage that will be worth keeping for an American woman who does not want to act like a muslim wife, ARE YOU WILLING TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF WHAT AMERICAN WOMEN WANT IN MARRIAGE? And that would probably mean either interviewing a few American women in their 30s who are married, perhaps also 1-2 American single mothers, perhaps also speaking with a male and/or female American pastor (not conservative christianity but liberal, like episcopalian or unitarian) and interviewing an American female marriage counselor--as well as asking your Imam what he thinks the differences between muslim marriages and American marriages are. There are a few books he could read in order to understand more about American marriages: The Good Marriage, Judith Wallerstein (interviews with Americans in long long marriages with focus on particular strengths of those marriages--would be an eye opener for anybody, and certainly him--you could even both read it and do some discussing. Of the 3 main types of American marriages, Traditional (conservatives), Modern (Rich working husband, romantic, sexy wife does volunteer work or a bit of Zumba teaching) and Egalitarian (flexible work & domestic roles, shifts based on earning power & equal decision making power--I'd expect the only one you 2 could likely agree to pursue is Modern, from which you might lean toward Egalitarion and he would lean toward Traditional. I have 4+ pages in my textbook that I could scan for that, but I don't know how to combine PDFs into one file for attaching.
It seems to me that you'd be most dissatisfied about him not caring who you are beyond your role to be a good mother, be compliant and be pretty--because you really need your man to be very interested in what your life means to you, because you haven't had enough of what self-psychology calls "Mirroring" in childhood to be used to seeing how much you mean in intimate other people's eyes. Mirroring means showing interest & excitement about who you are, not as a physical beauty (tho everybody likes that) but as a real personality; it means "admiration"--because that literally (in Latin) means "turning the mirror-gaze towards" one's partner. And that's what a child is supposed to get from her mother from day one, and also from her father, with father-admiration being especially important during her teenage budding young womanhood.
Since you didn't get much of that admiration, you might have become a showgirl because you got some admiration--except that it was just for your bodily beauty and your "act." So you'll really WANT that admiring interest from Othman, and that's something he obviously needs to LEARN how to give. Of course I think he could learn that if he knows he needs to in order to win your heart. But I'm an American man, and I'm naturally enthusiastic about admiring women; I had many interesting and beautiful daughter- and son-substitutes as student assistants in my 23 years of steady college teaching. I can't be sure if he could learn it or not, but he deserves the chance to learn that he'll need to enjoy doing that, so at least he'll have a chance to change his ways if that'll be necessary. I think a female counselor, or even female "life coach" could understand what that means and literally teach him what to do and guide him in practicing so he can habituate it.
Bedtime for Bonzo.